What's in a Name? A LOT!

So Mary and I have never agreed on names for children. I have very specific things with names - I don't do unisex names, I don't do any names that can be turned into a gay insult *after all the kid is going to have 2 moms*, I also want a unique name but not a weird name and I want it to be spelled normal (there seems to be a new trend to spell things all f*ct up - just so your kid's name can be misspelled for the rest of their life).

Needless to say pre-pregnancy Mary and I finally agreed that she would name the baby if it was a boy and I would name the baby if it was a girl. After all, she seems to be more into boy names while I'm more into girl names. I also planned on using Mary's middle name as the girl's middle name. I thought this would be nice since her and both her sisters share the same middle name so we'd pass it on to our daughter.

Now that I'm pregnant, she's feeling left out as the non-bio parent so she has requested full naming rights. This is not something I want to do. Aside from Mary coming up with some totally crazy names, I thought the original agreement was fair. We both have a 50/50 chance and if you don't get to name this baby, you get to name the next. I also suggested that we should give the other our top 3 names and they pick out of them. That way it's sort of decided together. She doesn't want this - she just wants total naming rights. She also keeps suggesting that a girl should be Mary Jr. This is yet another thing I hate in naming - Juniors! And who does a Jr. girl?

My nephew didn't have a name for the first 2 days of his life. They kept coming up with all these names and then they named him Seamus Jr. after his dad (my bro). *that's "Shay-mus" for those of you that aren't Irish* Now, he's 3 1/2 and everyone in my family still refers to him as "the baby". Maybe if he had his own name, everyone could call him that without confusion.

I feel like this is coming way out of left field and I never expected it from Mary. So maybe it's just a phase and she'll grow out of it. In other news, I just ate 3 pickles. I am seriously pregnant.

*Note: Any of you who popped over from Rainbow Conceptions are probably like "shut up already about the name". LOL ;-) *

Happier Thoughts

From my ultrasound the other day. Kind of looks like he/she's sucking his/her thumb. I'm too lazy to post the others :-) I am amazed at how much the baby has grown in only 3 weeks since my last ultrasound.

Negativity & Complaining

Oh, this week, have I mentioned that it sucks? Mary continues to be sick. The kids cough all night and barely seem to sleep. Then their up at the crack of down per usual and per usual immediately hyperactive. I have been disinfecting everything in an OCD manner and sleeping downstairs (because of Mary's sickness and snoring that comes with it).

I seriously value my alone time so I feel like I'm ready to break. I was also hoping to alternate on who got up with the kids this week. But since Mary's been sick it's been me. This includes letting the dog out, changing diapers that have about 10 pounds of pee (it's like they've been drinking water all night), and holding back my vomiting. I'm also probably the most NON-morning person ever.

Mary and I have also been butting heads on the adoption decision. I had actually thought we were on the same wave length for a while. I had finally made up my mind that I just cannot adopt both boys. C1's issues and the future of them are too unknown for me to handle. Well, Mary seemed to get on board but now she seems to be freaking out. I'm not sure if she was holding out hope that we would at least adopt C2 or what. But now it looks like they'll keep the boys together.

She is constantly making comments now of "if we do this, can we adopt the boys?" as to moving and what-not. Ummm, no. This decision was very hard for me to come to. But I'd like to think that a perfect adoptive home will be found for them and that they are still young and can adjust. I'm so overwhelmed with them, I cannot even imagine adding a baby to the situation so it definitely wouldn't be a good thing if I just succumb to guilt and adopt them.

I would like to believe we've done a great thing. If anything, they've improved immensely since they've been here. Unfortunately, C1's issues have nothing to do with us but were only caused by his biological family.

So Long Christmas

Christmas has come and gone - it was a good day but also kind of boring. Mary and I were commenting on how we always wanted a Christmas where we just stayed home and it was just us. Now that we finally had one, we wanted to be around our extended families. I was also jealous since ALL my family was in Ohio. My older brother and dad even flew out there (my mom, sister, and younger bro already live out there).

It was also kind of weird since we only did stocking stuffers. Mary was pretty creative and I got some good things. But we didn't have any gifts to open and we didn't end up getting our camcorder in time for Christmas.



The boys made out like bandits with a million toys and things. It was fun being Santa and seeing their reaction to everything. Of course, they flew threw opening gifts in about 5 minutes. Me and Mary also had the experience of putting things together the night before. We just set up their bigger gifts so we wouldn't have to do so in the morning. One of which was a blow up thing that the boys can bounce in. This was awful! We tried to use our basketball pump but it just didn't work so we had to blow it up using lung power. Oy - I thought I was going to pass out at one point and Mary ended up having to blow up the entire base on her own. Oh, the joys of being a pseudo parent.


(the new "big" toys)

The week is definitely dragging by with the boys. I am starting to feel a little better as far as I'm not vomiting 3-4 times/day but I'm still pretty tired and nauseous at times. And Mary is sick yet again. She had a terrible cough/cold for about 1.5 weeks then she had a few days where she was better and now it's come back full force. The kids are also coughing and sniffling. I joked that I was going to check into a hotel since I'm so afraid of getting sick while pregnant.

This morning I went to what I thought was an appointment for some regular blood and pee tests. They didn't tell me what it was and I never really question things, they just said come with a full bladder. Well, it turns out they were testing for down syndrome and part of the way to do that is with an ultrasound. Of course, I was thrilled to have an ultrasound (I wish I could have one every day) but Mary was not with me. So I felt SO bad that she wouldn't see the baby and when I got home and told her, she was very upset.

I had the tech print out a bunch of pictures so that I could bring them home to her. I will try to post some of them later. The baby is definitely looking more baby like though I have a picture of the face that looks pretty scary. LOL. I was also relieved to see that I have only lost about a pound. My scale at home showed about 5 pounds lost. Oh well, I'm sure I'll start gaining plenty of weight come the 2nd trimester.

XMas Shopping DONE *phew*

Christmas shopping is *FINALLY* done. Now there's wrapping which I plan on Mary doing the majority of. Afterall, she didn't have to do any of the shopping.

Mary and I were joking because the kids schools were trying to leave early today. They kept asking Mary when she was picking the boys up and she said "at the last minute". Our boys will be the last ones there but whatever, we're bitter. After today, their schools (which are actually daycares/preschools) are closed 'til January 2. What?!? I'm not sure how they can get away with this.

Oh well, I'm going to focus on the positive and not the fact that my freedom is going to be gone for the next 1.5 weeks. O.K., off to clean the house, my car, and organize the gifts. :-)

Birthday done...on to Christmas

Well, the birthday night is over. I must say I've never been so relieved to have a birthday done with. Between the issues with C1 and it being right near Christmas, it was a bit stressful.

It also started off bad since both boys had fallen asleep on the way home. I usually love when they fall asleep, then we just open the door to the garage so we can hear when they wake up. It's like Mary's come home with no kids which is GREAT. LOL. I was home just after her so she actually was able to help me bring in groceries and set up for pizza making.

However, C2 woke up in a terrible mood and didn't get better until we finally ate the pizza. But in the end, he was a happy birthday boy and thrilled with his presents.

Of course, C1 tried to make the night center around him and just kept asking what presents were for him and what would happen on his birthday. He is so funny like that. Luckily, my mom had sent him a prize in the package of stuff she sent for C2 so I got out of having to get him a prize.

I did feel a little bit bad for him. Afterall, we normally make the boys share the toys but because they were C2's bday presents, it was up to him to share. But then C1 just stocked C2 and wouldn't play with the million other toys that we have. We finally sent him to bed after about the 3rd time he punched C2.

Oh well, I'm off to finally finish the Christmas shopping. I think I just have stocking stuffers and I'll be DONE. It seems like a never ending ordeal this year. I also have to write a letter to C2 from Santa. C1 received one from school and he's obsessed with it. It's actually very cute, you have to read it to him every night and he gets so excited that Santa actually wrote him a letter. The school made it very personal too, we are not normally very impressed with his pre-school but this time we were.

3 years old Times 2

So we have two 3-yr olds in the house. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! C2 is 3 today. I almost feel sad in a mom sort of way that my lil' baby is no longer a baby. I mean, C2 is not a baby and he'll definitely let you know this. I still clearly remember one of the times he made this clarification. We were taking a walk and some lil' girl walked buy (who probably wasn't even a year older than him), she looked at him and said, "it's a baby". And he screamed, "I'm not a baby! I'm a big boy!". LOL.

But even at 26 months when he first came to us, he was basically a baby - a rather large one but still a baby. He didn't talk (at all), he could barely walk so crawled most of the time, and had a total baby face. And he's the one that for 6 months was home with me and basically at my side 24/7.

Well, I'll stop reminising. I must say that he is probably the perfect kid to have a birthday close to Christmas. I know we actually skipped an insem at one point when I saw that the baby would be born within a week of Christmas. Having a birthday near Christmas just seems to suck. However, C2 hates being the center of attention so it seems to be almost perfect for him. Maybe it will change as he gets older, who knows.

But anyway, we went to the "train restaurant" this morning for breakfast. Then I went home to make the cake. I'm not sure what I was thinking when I decided to make the cake. I'm not totally inept when it comes to baking but it just would've been a lot easier to buy a cake. I always do things like this and then regret them.

Mary and I have also had a disagreement about what to do with C1 on C2's birthday. Mary thought we should at least get C1 a small gift. I thought not. Afterall, it's C2's birthday and even if C1's jealous, he just needs to deal. Plus, Christmas is 5 days later so it's not like he has to wait a huge amount of time to get gifts of his own. As usual, C1 seems to be the thorn in my side and as usual, Mary and I disagree on what to do with him.

I thought it was enough that he got to go to breakfast too (we didn't just take the birthday boy), he'd get to join in on pizza making tonight which he loves to do, and he'd get cake - C1's favorite thing in the world.

And I'm not just being a jerk to C1. If it was his birthday, I wouldn't be running out to buy prizes for C2. It would be the same thing. Taken he's 3 and has an extreme jealousy towards C2 as it is, I just feel we shouldn't cater to it. He needs to deal with some things not being about him.

Letters to Santa

I couldn't stop laughing at the kids letters to Santa so I just had to post.

Dear Santa,

I would like a present for Christmas. I want soup and cars and
trucks. I would like Playdoh. Please bring presents for Candi, Mary, C2, and Gaga too!

Love,

C1

(Gaga is Mary's mom)

************************************************************

Dear Santa,

It was nice seeing you at the mall. I have been a very good boy this
year. I would like presents - green presents for Mary and Candi, red
and green for C1, and red and green for me. I would also like some
new cars, play houses, and people for the houses, new trains, and new
trucks.

Thank you Santa!

Love,

C2

Wednesday's Rant

It is no secret that I basically hate the area we live in. Sure, I like Maine, it has some beautiful areas. And we're about an hour drive to some really cool places. However, where we directly live is not a cool (except for the temperature) place to live. So now Mary is interviewing with other universities. Her goal is to get a counter offer so that she can get more money in her current position. My goal is to MOVE.

Of course, since Mary is a professor, the job opportunities are pretty limited as far as we can't just pick a place and live there. And for me, meeting ALL my goals of a place to live is pretty much impossible. I would like to be...warmer, closer to family, in a "walking" area, in an area where I could work, in a place where there are actual yoga studios, closer to other gay/lesbian families, and I would LOVE to be around friendlier people (Mainers are NOT friendly and even Mainers will tell you this and seem proud of it). Of course, as much as I'd like to be back in Boston, I just know it's no longer possible. Housing prices are outrageous and we really need to own something to not get screwed on taxes.

Being a gay couple and one of us making a decent amount of money, our tax situation sucks. So owning a home where we have a large tax deduction (interest, property taxes) pays off in the end. I also get my health insurance through Mary which is great. However, the gay factor comes in again and we get screwed. The amount that the university pays for my health insurance is added as taxable income. This basically bumps us up into the next tax bracket which, of course, sucks! In Maine, we also have to pay state taxes on this portion, in Mass we were legally married so didn't have to pay state taxes on it. Of course, in all states, we have to pay federally.

There have been some advantages to not being married in Maine. Aside from filing our taxes one way. In Mass, we filed as married, then a "phantom form" as single (so we could get the information for the fed form) and then filed federally as single. We were also advised to file a federal "phantom form" as married so they could never say we lied since we were legally married in Mass. Confused yet? Try actually doing it.

Anywho, in Maine, Mary can claim me as a dependent if I make next to nothing. Of course, when Mary got me some contract work, I had to take a lower amount than they wanted to pay me to make sure I didn't make "too much" where she couldn't claim me. I never thought I'd be asking someone to pay me less. I had also thought of getting a temp job a few months ago and we figured I really couldn't do that until the new year and then I'd have to limit the time I worked. Since I plan on staying home with the baby, it's just not worth it if I just go slightly over the dependent amount.

So aside from moving to Candice-princess-land, I'd also like the U.S. to get it's head out of it's a** and start treating all it's citizens equally. :-)

2nd Tri, Where Are You?

I am EXTREMELY grateful and happy to be pregnant but the second trimester can not come soon enough. The nausea, fatigue, irritability and just general sickness continues while everyone tells me the 2nd tri will be joyous. My fingers are crossed that this is true for me.

We got out last night, thank goodness for our babysitter coming though with same-day notice. We went to Best Buy to look at some camcorders. Mary finally decided that we should get one instead of buying each other gifts. I was not only relieved to not have to look for a gift for Mary but I have been begging for a video camera for a few years now. And now that baby is coming, I need one!

Normally, I love buying Mary gifts and she's usually the only one I have to buy for. Now, we have the boys. It started off as fun shopping for them. Then my parents both sent money for me to buy them gifts for them. I figured that would be fine, I especially didn't want my mom to feel obligated to buy something and then have to mail it. And well, my dad kept asking me what they wanted when I finally told him just to give the cash. THEN Mary's mom decided to do the same thing. But now I've lost track of what people sent and what gifts are from them and what are from Santa. Of course, the boys won't really care - they just want gifts but I feel like it's my obligation to transfer every one's money into gifts. And don't even get me started on wrapping! ;-)

Anywho, after the shopping trip, we went to Olive Garden for dinner. Everything seemed to be going good. I figured if I just ate a small amount I'd be good. Currently, me and eating are not kosher - at all. Last night was the same, about 1/2 way through dinner it was clear I was going to have to make an emergency trip to the lady's room to puke that dinner. Oh, the joys of being pregnant. Mary was not impressed. I told her we can now only go out for dessert and since I also can't drink so it will be a cheap date. :-)

Despite this, it was nice to get out. After our trip and then a rough weekend with C1, we definitely needed a break. Parenting the boys is tough on it's own. But with me sick with pregnancy and Mary has had a terrible cough/cold for the past week, we are both at our wit's end. At least usually, we take turns with being "done" with the boys.

Papa Bill Visits

So my dad came in for a visit Thurs-Sat. He was supposed to come up on Friday but the storm was hitting Massachusetts hard so he left early. It was sort of overwhelming since we just got back from the trip and I'm not feeling well but we still had a good visit. And the boys were entertained with him so that's always a good thing. They also seem to be better behaved around strangers which is both good and bad. Good for them to be acting good but then people don't believe that the majority of the time they are not so well-behaved.

Anywho, we did some Christmas shopping on Friday. I think I am almost finished with the boys shopping so that is a good thing. I also had C2's birthday to cover which is this Thursday. Until February, the boys will both be 3. Aaaaaaaah!

My dad is definitely bitter since he just bought a small condo in Mass. for more than we paid for our house. So he gave the house a lot of praise and kept saying how nice everything is. Since we don't know many people around here, not many people see the house. I've spent a lot of time decorating and what not so it's nice to get some compliments on it.

Oh well, we are just stuck in with the crazy snow storm we are having. After my dad left yesterday, we went to see Santa. C1 actually had a great smile in the picture, C2 was clearly overwhelmed and shocked. His mouth was wide open the entire time and then when we went to pick him up from next to Santa, he pulled dead weight and didn't want to go. LOL. Oh, children.

I'm Back!

Well, I'm sad to be out of the warm weather but I'm finally alone! Staying in a hotel for 7 nights with the boys was enough to drive anyone insane. Plus, we were under the impression we were staying in a condo so I nearly started to cry when we checked in. However, we were greatful since Mary's mom had taken care of our stay. Some how we still managed to spend a crap load of money. I'm not sure how this happens when our flights and hotel are covered.

The wedding went well. The kids stayed for pics and then headed off to a babysitter. Oh, and we forgot their suits - so much for me packing for 3 people. I did remember their shirts and shoes so we just bought some black pants for them to wear.


I figured this shows the back of the boys so it's o.k. to post. C2, our nephew Luke, and C1

And of course we had a fun time getting all pretty - I even got my hair done so that it wouldn't be in a pony tail. The only thing I know how to do with long hair.


Other than the wedding, there was the rehearsal dinner. Mary's sister ended up saying it was o.k. to bring the boys though she still didn't understand why we couldn't or wouldn't leave them with a 13 year old. Mary's other sister had left her kids with the 13 year old. She had to leave an hour into the dinner (keep in mind they hadn't even taken our orders at this point - it was a mess) since her son was having a tantrum and the 13 year old couldn't handle it. Ummm, told ya so. LOL.

And we went to Sea World which was a decent amount of fun. Though I don't recommend it for younger children and it didn't seem as cool as when I had gone when I was younger. They have all sorts of roller coasters now too if you're into that sort of thing and aren't pregnant and don't have young children with you. ;-)

We also got a night free of the chitlins' courtesy of Mary's sister. Luckily, she has 2 children that are both around C1 and C2's age so she was happy to take them for a night. And it was much needed! We went out for dinner (cooked sushi) in Celebration, a Disney created town. It was a lot of fun and we enjoyed walking around the town center and the FAKE snow they have fall every hour.

On a side note, I definitely do NOT recommend traveling in the first trimester. I am a nervous flyer to begin with but I think the pregnancy just made it ten fold. Then the entire time I was sick - at least I got out of a few family events because of this. And the tiredness can not even be explained, I am seriously tired ALL the time. So no traveling in the 1st trimester unless you are one of these evil prego woman that have tons of energy and no sickness.

Down in the Sun

Still around here just not around blog land. We've been in Florida since Wednesday. The wedding was last night so we're glad to have the family events OVER. :-) The weather has been perrrrrfect - 70s. Today and the next couple of days will get even hotter, hitting the 80s. I definitely can't complain since we left 2 feet of snow. Hopefully I'll have some good pics' to post when I return.

my baby!

My baby is looking good, good heart beat and measuring the right size. Of course, it looks like a blob but it was still exciting to see. And it looks like there is just one so that's kind of a relief since we were a bit worried with the Clomid.



Due date is July 14 - Bastille Day. Hmmm, we got married in Paris and the due date is Bastille Day. I guess there is a French theme in our relationship. :-)

Still Snowing

The snow is still coming down here. Thank heavens, the boys daycares were only delayed and the delay didn't really effect us since they have therapy this morning anyways. Now, hopefully they don't pull any crap and close early like yesterday.

We were thrilled to get a plow contract this year. Last year, we were stuck shoveling and we have a huge driveway. Towards the end of the season, some man neighbors came by with their snowblowers to help us which was very nice but we knew they would just think we were foolish this year.

Anywho, we figured out that the plow contract was cheaper than buying a snow blower this year and it requires no work. So we happily watched as they plowed yesterday and then early this morning. O.K., I wasn't happy to be woken up by a plow at 5:30 this morning but I knew I wouldn't have to shovel. Then we hear a boom. We see the man get out and check for some sort of damage then he goes on his merry way so we think no big deal. We have rocks that line the driveway so maybe he just hit one of those. Nope, he hit one of the garage doors. *lovely*

Our Maine luck sucks. Anywho, I leave you with Mary's FIRST sledding ever (she's from Florida). Of course, as in most things Mary's does (oh, I love my spaz wife) she managed to hurt herself. She was sledding down the driveway that had been plowed earlier in the day - again she's from Florida. She was going super slow so I told her to run and jump on the sled and of course she managed to hurt her leg. Oopsies.

Snow, Snow, Go Away!

It has been snowing like crazy all day with no signs of letting up. The weather channel shows it snowing all through the night and tomorrow. My midwife apptmt is tomorrow afternoon. I'm worried it is going to be canceled and if it's not, the boys daycare will be closed so Mary won't be able to go. :-\

Florida Drama

The wedding in Florida is becoming dramatic. Shocking. We thought we had everything set because Mary's sister (not the one getting married) had coordinated her daughter's daycare provider to watch all the kids during the wedding. We were thrilled. Then, the issue of the rehearsal dinner came up. Mary's sister mentioned she was going to try to look for a babysitter, we thought that would be great and if she couldn't find one, we'd just bring the kids.

Well, later we find out Mary's sister (the one getting married) also doesn't want kids at the rehearsal dinner. O.K., whatever, but we live thousands of miles away and can't just come up with a babysitter easily. Then we're told there's a babysitter for all the kids - there's 6 kids (including ours) - a 13 year old is going to watch them - keep in mind all the kids are under the age of 4.

We basically said, "hell no". One, we don't have normal kids that we'd leave with a 13 year old. Two, we have foster children that we can't just leave with anyone. Three, I'm not sure I'd leave my own kids with a 13 year old and the babysitting will be 45 minutes away from where we're going to be.

Mary's sister's suggestion was, well can't you go and Candice can watch the kids. These are reasons I don't really like Mary's family. And the reason I didn't want to bring the kids, it's Mary's family so she's obligated to go to events but I don't want to be stuck watching the kids.

We had an out of towner dinner (no rehearsal dinner since our ceremony was done separately) the night before our wedding. It was casual and we allowed kids to be there. We also coordinated babysitting for the kids that were coming from out of town for the wedding which we didn't want kids at. Nobody coming from out of town had to worry about babysitting. We're just thinking it's harsh because 4/6 siblings HAVE children and most of those people usually use family to watch their kids. So it's creating drama for everyone to get childcare 2 nights in a row and Mary's sister seems oblivious to our situation. We have foster kids and we live in Maine, not exactly easy to find childcare in Florida.

No More Brown House

Well, C1 has worn out his welcome at "the brown house". Apparently, the honeymoon was over for the respite family. He basically threw fits all day on Saturday, wouldn't sit on the potty, wouldn't take a nap and started breaking Christmas ornaments and decorations.

She also said he did nothing but fight with their 14 month old placement. It doesn't surprise me at all. I was almost relieved to hear it since we usually get a sugar coated version of his stay there. And I felt like recently Mary had forgotten about C1's issues since we've had a good couple of weeks with him. He goes up and down and we haven't had him the past 2 weekends so I felt that was more of the reason we'd had smooth sailing the past few weeks.

We were kind of bummed when he arrived. We had offered to watch her placements since she was going shopping in town but instead her mother was watching them. We were getting all excited to have 2 babies in the house, she has the 14 month old - a little black boy and a 4 day old infant. They picked up the infant from the hospital on Friday. We were definitely jealous they got such a young infant and he has no drug addictions (why most infants come into the system), that was our foster dream.

A Lovely Weekend

Saturday we went to the mall hoping to find some wedding clothes. The only thing I ended up buying through our entire hour plus trip was a large penguin. That took me about 20 minutes to buy, third line is a charm. Now I know why I never really shop at the mall especially around Christmas. Luckily, while I was buying the penguin, Mary took C2 to the car. The penguin is for his birthday so I didn't want him seeing it.

Also, C2 was a lil' bit crazy to handle with actual shopping. There's no carriages in the mall. We never bring the stroller because we only have a double one that sucks. Anywho, we usually go to the mall for the boys to run wild and go on some of those lame rides. So he was not easily contained to say the least.

Mary had finally talked to her sister about her boys outfits but we couldn't find the same ones. So we ended up going to a store outside of the mall and found the boys lil' suits. It's going to be ridiculously cute. I thought it was kind of crazy to spend $100 on clothes they'll be wearing for about 20 minutes - they're only going to picture time before the wedding. But later I found out Mary's mom is paying for every one's wedding clothes so now I don't feel so bad about it. Ha!

Then Saturday night, we went to some parade near here. Yes, December 1st in northern Maine, we went to a parade at night. It was 15 degrees with a windchill of 0. Only in Maine. We put C2 in layers of clothes, a snowsuit and jacket. He totally looked like the little brother in Christmas Story, I couldn't stop laughing every time I looked at him. Anywho, it was actually the biggest parade there's been around here and C2 had fun seeing alll the floats with lights and Santa.

Then we decided to check out this Pakistani restaurant. We have wanted to try it for a while since neither of us have had Pakistani food. It's very similar to Indian food and I used to be an Indian food addict when we lived in Boston but the one place we have in town is not up to par. The Pakistani food was actually really good and C2 even ate a decent amount.

Today, we have just lounged around. C1 will be arriving shortly so we're preparing for his arrival.

Sickness

So my prego sickness has been on and off. I call it prego sickness instead of morning sickness because it doesn't just occur in the morning. Random sickness might be a better term. Today, it was pretty much all day. And of course I had a million errands I planned on running. I had to get an oil change for Mary's car and then was going to get some things for the trip.

I get the oil change and then make the mistake of going to Dress Barn. What's with Dress Barn? I never really go in there, it's more my mom's type of store. But anyways, I drove by the other day and saw a really cute dress in the window. I thought, this could be a perfect way to end my Florida dress shopping. Nope, I went in to find the smallest size in the dress was a 16W. I'm assuming the W means wide? Like if you're a size 16 you're not wide? I don't know, it was annoying.

I found a skirt in a size 6 that I thought could be an option. Mary's mom stressed that the wedding was pretty casual so I thought a skirt might do. I'm not normally a 6 but in my bloated state I've definitely upped a size and it was elastic banned so I tried it on. Then the nausea hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm surprised I didn't throw up in the dressing room. Terrible.

I had also wanted to go in Old Navy that's in the same plaza. I don't think I've bought anything for myself from Old Navy in about a million years but they have really cute clothes for the boys. Anywho, I decided to suck up my nausea and head into O. Navy. Of course, it's Christmas time and the line was ridiculous with 2 cashiers working. I really thought I was going to faint in line. I also kept planning my fall into the doggy coats so I wouldn't hit the cement floor. LOL.

Oh well, I'm off to meet Mary and the boys. C1 is headed off to the respite house again and we're going to this horrible Maine restaurant beforehand. We decided to do this instead of McDonald's. I hate McDonald's but I almost wish we were going there because I wouldn't have to think about eating. Anywho, we didn't want to send him 2 weekends in a row but we leave on Wednesday for a week with the boys so we decided it was best and he really wanted to go. It will also probably be the last time he goes there in a while.

Just another day

It's been a boring day and yucky day. It seems to rain so much lately. I've been mostly stuck in doing a data entry project for Mary. Oy. This is the most horrible one yet. I can't believe Mary is working her pregnant wife like a dog. ;-) Hahaha.. At least today I got to work from home and didn't have to go into the University's library like I did a few times this week.

I did get out for a diaper buying adventure. Oh, if only C1 would potty-train. While at the fabulous Target, I decided to invest in some cheap maternity shirts. It's not like I'm visibly prego to most people but it doesn't hurt to have some longer shirts. Afterall, if we don't tell people in Florida I'm prego, I don't want everyone to think I'm a heffer so I plan on wearing somewhat baggy clothing. I'm sure they won't notice either way, Mary's family like Mary is not very detail oriented.

On a random note, at what age should kids not bathe together? The boys take their bath together. It works out because we don't have to give 2 baths and it's one of the rare moments that they seem to enjoy together. C1, however, seems to be growing at an unusually quick rate where he's taking up most of the tub. And last week, we had, "kiss my penis". To which I flew in and said, "do not tell anyone to kiss your penis". Today, it was, "kiss my bum". I mean, they have no idea and it is kind of funny but also WEIRD.

The GG Vent

So the drama with great-grandmother (GG) continues. Apparently, word got to her that we were thinking of only adopting one of the boys - and that would probably be C2. I'm not sure how this got to her since we really only mentioned it to the caseworker to make sure it wouldn't take them by surprise if that's what we decided in the end. It was also during a week when C1 was out of control.

We have stuck to our guns that we don't want to be involved in any decision to split the boys up. We feel in the long term, we won't be able to handle C1's issues and that the boys together are a force to be reckoned with. We are also worried that if they are placed again together, the same thing will happen and it will be a failed placement.

However, we've also mentioned that maybe more experienced parents would be able to handle them and that we really just want what is best for them. And this has been hard for us to come to the possibility that maybe they should be split up since our entire point of taking a sibling pair was to keep a sibling pair together.

Needless to say, now GG wants to make sure the boys stay together and if they don't, SHE wants to adopt C1. WHAT??!!!??? We were floored by this. She couldn't handle the kid for THREE MONTHS and she clearly does NOT like him. Plus, for lack of a better term the kid is pretty much f*ct psychologically due to abandonment issues. GG is OLD, OLD, OLD. Maybe she'll live until he's 10 years old and then what's going to happen. Her lawyer says then another family member can take him. Ummm, there has been no other willing or able family members that can take the boys, otherwise they'd both be with them now.

So Mary had called GG's lawyer to possibly have us facilitate some visits with GG when she found this out. Mary's worried the department will issue them and they'll be bad on the kids. She thinks if we could have a few goodbye visits here that would please GG and be less traumatizing for the kids. After all, open adoptions are illegal in Maine so it would just be setting them up for even more disappointment. Obviously, after hearing all this crap, Mary did not mention this possibility. Also, some of the comments GG makes, lead us to believe that she just doesn't want them with us..."it's a question of lifestyle...C1 needs a father figure...are they praying". That brings Mary and I to another huge dilemma where maybe we should just take ourselves out of the picture and maybe GG will get out of this crap.

I am just SO fed up with this situation. If I hear GG's name one more time, I think I'm going to be in a luney bin. Why can't someone terminate her rights? They were already taken out of her house because of weird stuff going on. I just don't get it.

Being Prego

I think my cravings have begun. I have wanted Chinese food for the past few days. I neeeeeeed crab rangoons and I'm making it my goal to get them ASAP. Everyone needs goals, right? ;-) Otherwise, I seem to go from eating a lot to being disgusted by food. And usually when I want food it has to be EXACTLY what I want. I am not usually this picky.

It's one week until our Florida trip. I am looking forward to getting into some decent weather and I have SO much to do. I need to buy some clothes for both me and the boys. I feel like a bloated beast in all my current clothes and the boys need some "fancy" clothes. Mary wanted to dress them the same as her sister's boys for the wedding pictures. Her sister hasn't gotten back to her but she still wants to do this.

This is just weird and so un-Mary like which leaves me confused and annoyed because I've had to wait to shop. I told her I was getting them at the end of this week no matter what. She wants us to get our clothes for the wedding while we're in Florida. I finally agreed since there isn't crap up here for us but I don't want to HAVE to do any more shopping than that. It's already going to be difficult because we'll need to find someone to watch the boys while we shop.

We have also debated telling Mary's family I'm pregnant while we're down there. As of now, only a handful of people IRL know I'm prego. Only two friends that were following my fertility madness and my mom. I probably wouldn't have told my mom but last time she was up, I told her about the clomid and the sperm arrived while she was in town.

I kind of feel we should wait until post first trimester to tell most people. Mary thinks we never see her family so it would be nice to tell them in person. We both agree we shouldn't tell until after the wedding since it's Jill's time and we don't want the congratulations on us. So I guess we'll see if there's a good time after the wedding to tell or not. :-)

Termination of Parental Rights

TPR - just like that. The mother finally decided at the last minute to voluntarily sign away her rights. Luckily, I didn't go because there was no trial. Now, they will think about doing a goodbye visit which I think is absolutely insane. Hopefully we have back-up from the therapist to not do this or that she's able to facilitate this by being there. And no fathers attended, they'll have to hunt them down to sign off too.

Of course, we thought everything would be over. But, no, we have the most crazy case out there. They decided to hear the great-grandmother's case at a different time. Now, that isn't until the end of January. So ridiculous that they let this stuff go on so long. No adoption decision can be made until that crap is done with. It makes me sick to see how selfish some adults can be. Really, these people are looking out for themselves and not the kids and them having a permanent situation ASAP is what's best for them.

Oh well, at least TPR finally happened. I feel somewhat bad for the mother, but only to a limited extent. Afterall, she hasn't parented the boys in years. I would've had more respect for her if she gave up a long time ago instead of continuing to show up to visits high and set them up for disappointment.

Saved by the Sick Kid

Mary is on her way to court and I am not. C1 woke up sick this morning; coughing and complaining about his ears. He usually eats a big breakfast but this morning would hardly eat so we knew he was really sick. The kid tends to be a hypochondriac so we don't always believe him when he complains about ailments.

Since court is today, we had to get the o.k. for me not to go since C1 can't go to preschool sick and we don't have any day time babysitters. I do feel bad that Mary has to go alone but she's all into court since she's obsessed with being all Law & Order like. And she practically does public speaking for a living so she's the better one to talk.

I also would've liked to go to see what happened first hand and if any of the dads make an appearance I will be bummed to not get a look. Hopefully Mary takes notes so we can discuss the drama later.

As for MY bio kid, I finally have my midwife apptmt in one week. I seriously feel like I've been in the longest wait of my life. Hopefully the midwife can set Mary straight that pregnant women are TIRED. I feel like Mary doesn't think my fatigue is for real. I seriously feel like I could sleep all day and night and still be tired. Taken, I'm EXTREMELY grateful to finally be pregnant I do hope this tired stuff doesn't last the entire 9 months.

Just Call Me Whiney Whinerton

This week is crazy. Today, I've been at Mary's work all day doing data entry in the library. Oy, the library is annoying. And aren't people supposed to be quiet? There is some media lab right near where I'm sitting and people are always talking. I also have been sneezing all day and have a terrible headache. I need to get some tylenol since I can't take advil. And I'm FREEZING and tired and VERY whiney. Can you tell?

Anywho, we are supposed to go to court tomorrow for the TPR case. As usual, the process is completely ridiculous. We were subpoenaed for Monday. Yes, today. Then we were told the judge will make the schedule on Monday and it will probably be for Tuesday. We had called to talk to the caseworker about something totally unrelated when we found this out. Umm, what about everyone else that's subpoenaed? I know, the kids' therapist was definitely pissed because she didn't know what day to cancel her clients.

I am not looking forward to going to court. Last time I went to one of the hearings, I was so uncomfortable and now this time I'm actually going to have to talk. I do NOT do public speaking. Hopefully I don't have a full fledged panic attack when they call me.

I also have an interview on Wednesday morning. I had applied to some jobs pre pregnancy. Now, I'm hesitant to even go to the interview. What if they actually hire me? In a few months I'll be noticably pregnant. So crazy. I wish the temp agency would call with a job, I'd just rather do random temp jobs until I have the baby.

It was also a major process for us all to get out of the house and get the dogs settled this morning. If I get a job, I don't know how I'm going to get to work on time. Speaking of dogs, what do people do with their dogs when they're not home? We had this dillema when I was working before. Neither dog is a dog that can go all day without having an accident or tearing something up.

The Joys of Having Only 1 :-)

Our weekend with C2 was great and as relaxing as you can get with a child. He is pretty low maintenance so that is definitely a bonus. We also got to be pretty relaxed with rules and routine, something we commented wouldn't have been possible with C1. Even on his own, C1 needs a fine structure.

After only a few hours, Mary and I were commenting on how sweet it is to just have one child. Something we have never experienced. We weren't arguing about obligations, just taking turns without any discussion.

We took C2 out to breakfast this morning to the "choo choo train restaurant". There is a train that goes around it which makes it one of the few kid friendly places around. Midway through breakfast, he says, "this is kinda nice to be by myself." Apparently, he was also enjoying being the only kid. Kids say the funniest things.

Afterwards, we hit the mall to get something for C1 so he'd have a prize upon his return. And we figured out going to the mall right after it opens is perfect to run the kids. LOL. It wasn't crowded at all so we just let C2 burn off his energy by sprinting across the mall. Definitely something we will have to keep in mind for the winter when going outside around here isn't very possible.

Mary definitely missed C1, I didn't. I love the kid but I knew he was only gone for the weekend & he was ridiculously excited to go. Almost too excited to get away from us. Mary is on her way to no man's ville to get him. Hopefully he is as excited to go home as he was to leave, otherwise Mary will be pretty bummed. The one thing that is consistent with C1 is his unpredictability so it could go either way.

A Happy Thanksgiving

We had a good Thanksgiving at home. The weather was absolutely awful, cold & rainy all day so we were glad to not be doing any traveling. Of course, this also left 2 stir crazy kids. Our plan was for Mary to take them out to a playground or something while I cooked.

Instead, we watched the Macy's parade and the National Dog Show, both of which I love. Mary and I were psyched that an Australian Shepherd (Chloe's breed) won best in show. Oh, If only our Chloe could be so regal. ;-)

As for the food, my turkey breast ended up taking a lot longer than the 1-1.5 hours on the directions. That left us eating at about 1:30 instead of the planned 12. C'est la vie, my first time cooking a turkey. After all, we had Thanksgiving here last year but my mom did almost all of the cooking. Of course dealing with children that have a routine is an entire different thing. C2 was already having a break down at 11:30 crying about needing lunch.

Anywho, the kids ate a serious amount of food. In C1 and C2 fashion, aside from corn, they favored opposite items. C1 likes potatoes and turkey, C2 doesn't. C2 likes stuffing and cranberry, C1 doesn't. I was laughing that I enjoyed the cranberry the most and all I did was open a can. Hahaha...I always enjoy things more when they're made by someone else.

After eating, we all went into a turkey coma. I don't care what all the articles say about tiredness not being from the turkey, it is. We finally had to wake the kids up after they were napping for a whopping 2.5 hours. Mary & I were joking that we should eat turkey every day.

In other news, later today, C1 is off to respite for the weekend. He has actually been pretty well behaved for the past couple of days aside from some fights with C2. But it will still be a nice break to only have to deal with one child.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, this is my 2nd year as a big girl and doing all the Thanksgiving grocery shopping. Last year, we had my family up - mom, sister, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. It was a lot of fun but unfortunately everyone is in Ohio this year so it's not going to happen.

I wish they could all come up but obviously it's not very feasible for 5 people to fly up for a holiday weekend and Mary refuses to travel anywhere around Thanksgiving time.

So Thanksgiving will just be the 4 of us. We finally decided on a turkey breast. I've been eating meat lately and we usually eat meat for holidays like Thanksgiving but then Mary said she wasn't going to this year. Once I said I wasn't going to bother making a turkey and I'm just not into tofurkey, she changed her mind and said she'd eat it.

I was kind of dreading cooking all day for only 4 people, 2 of which are small children. The boys are usually big eaters but they have their picky times so hopefully this isn't one of them. Anywho, I am looking forward to it now so hopefully it will be a fun day with watching the parade and doing what prego woman do best - eating! Since I can't indulge in any alcohol, I will be indulging in lots of food. hahahaha. C1 keeps laughing every time I tell him tomorrow is a stay at home day and we're going to eat until we pass out. Maybe not but I do have hopes that the turkey will make the boys tired :-)

Well, Happy Thanksgiving to all those in blog land and safe travels to anyone not staying home for the holiday :-)

A Lesson in Foster Care

We finally set up the weekend respite for C1. Thank goodness! I already feel a huge weight lifted off of us. The weekends are when things get crazy since the boys have so much interaction then. So he'll be going to the same respite provider we've used twice from Friday - Sunday and possibly next weekend. This is also a bonus because I was dreading the 4 day weekend with Thanksgiving.

Of course when Mary finally got in touch with the caseworker, she had been trying to reach her since last Monday, she was all, "so you want him moved". Geesh, this was not what we were trying to say at all. We're like, "we just want respite for the weekends to see how the boys do apart". We had also already gone over this with the therapist, the respite provider, and guardian ad litem who all agreed it was a good idea. Unfortunately, nothing can be done until the caseworker approves it. Luckily, Mary seemed to set her straight on what we were really trying to do. As much as we're at our limit with C1, we can deal with him during the week and moving him so suddenly would definitely mess with his psyche. Nonetheless, caseworkers are crazy.

We also were informed that bio mother is definitely taking the termination case to court. The guardian ad litem had told us a few months ago that it's very rare these things go to trial. Apparently, most people sign their rights away before hand because if they have children later there is more of a chance of keeping those if you have voluntarily signed your rights away opposed to having them revoked in a court. Of course, the bio mom has been informed by everyone including her own lawyer that she doesn't have a chance of winning but she is selfish and would rather draw things out in court. The great-grandmother is also still suing for visitation. With TPR just around the corner I'm not sure what she's thinking since open adoptions are not possible in Maine. Of course, we get the craziest placement.

We also found out that after the trial, the judge has 30 days to make a decision. Obviously, we hope this is a much quicker decision. We feel like we're in limbo with the holidays and random things coming up. Will we have both boys by Christmas? Just one? None? I guess one thing we've learned through this process, planning anything with foster children is not really possible.

Another Glorious Weekend - ha!

So I had a fun day on Friday with C2. We went shopping and saw the Bee Movie. The Bee Movie had a lot of adult humor, some of which I thought would've been inappropriate if C2 was at an age to actually absorb it. One that really took me back was a line about how Jewish people look. Taken Jerry Seinfeld, the star and maker (or whatever) of the movie is Jewish I still couldn't believe the line was in the movie. Needless to say, I definitely enjoy Ratatouille more.

I don't think I'd keep C2 home on a Friday again though because I feel it just set me into exhaustion for the weekend. I am a VERY TRIED pregnant woman and somewhat pukey. One funny thing is I had to umm, puke with the child nearby. I was worried he was going to be scared. Instead I hear, "Bless you Cannee"...it just struck me so funny.

Anywho, the weekend sucked. C1 was in one of his psychotic modes so we went through about 4 flip outs. 3 of which happened yesterday. The last one lasted about 2 hours, I swear it's like a crazy house here. We're watching Amazing Race while some kid is screaming bloody murder. We both look totally unphased since this is just how things are. Then C2 is crying because he's scared so we have him downstairs. Oh, C1.

We are somewhat relieved that he seems to have given up or just doesn't have it in him anymore to play his therapist. It may be the sessions with C2, that he can't hide is anger and rage for his brother. Who knows, but needless to say, she has mentioned the possibility of splitting them up since she sees their interactions as abnormal sibling stuff. We are going to start having C1 go to respite on some weekends to see how the brothers do apart which I must say, cannot happen soon enough. After the weekend, I was about to call the caseworker this morning and ask for him to be moved completely. Something we definitely don't want to do after sticking with the kid this long but we're both at our breaking point and don't see any real possibility of adopting him if we want to stay sane.

C2 and my pants - ha!

I have C2 home today. We attempted to get a haircut at the mall which was insane and didn't happen after the supposed "15 minute wait". My first choice was to go to Super Walmart - I know, it's terrible but they have everything in one spot. Controlling a toddler in a mall is one of the worst things ever. But Mary didn't leave his car seat so we had to illegally drive over to her work which put me far from Walmart.

Anywho, C2 has been driving me slightly insane but he is cake to C1. I definitely couldn't have him playing down stairs while I'm writing a blog entry. At least C1 will get his time tomorrow since Mary is going to try to do some special things with him on his own. I feel bad but he's even difficult on his own at home because he can't be left in a room alone or he'll freak out. This makes having him home for a full day extremely difficult.

In other news, my pants already don't fit me. A benefit to a lesbian relationship, Mary is exactly one size bigger than me so I've been able to wear her pants. But, hello, I can't believe my pants don't fit. I think it's more the bloating that comes with pregnancy because I've weighed myself and haven't gained anything. Though I didn't think I'd have to think about bigger clothes until at least the 2nd trimester.

Oh well, we are off to see Bee Movie :-)

Uneventful

It's been a fairly uneventful few days. Boys had their visit today which went rather smoothly. Mary stayed home so we were able to go out to lunch which was nice.

I've definitely been suffering from pregnancy fatigue. I've been trying to stay fit but it's proving difficult. I had gone to the gym yesterday. I definitely did a light work out but in the afternoon and today I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Hmmm...I was hoping it would give me MORE energy. I have a major fear of gaining a huge amount of weight during pregnancy. I know, I shouldn't be so shallow. I really want a baby, even if it means stretch marks but I'd just like to keep it to a minimum. And of course staying healthy for baby is important.

And I am super impatiently awaiting my appointment with the midwife. I got a letter confirmation which says I'll have an ultrasound that day. I wish it was tomorrow! But instead I have to wait about 3 weeks. Geesh! I'm also hoping we find out if it's 1 or 2 babies. I feel like it's going to be 1 but then in the back of my mind I have this twin thing that keeps popping up. I guess clomid and trigger shots will do that to you. Ha!

a short one

Well, the boys are back. The drop off actually went very well. I never know how they're going to act with transitions so I just usually expect the worst. C2 just seemed to miss me so he spent most of his time on my lap. That's always a good thing because I enjoy the cuddles and then him & C1 can't try to kill each other :-)
C1 has definitely been testing boundries and rules but that's pretty typical, nothing too crazy.

Oh well, not much going on today. It's only 4:30 and it's already dark here. :-\

No Alcohol for Prego Lady

Mary arrived safe & sound on Saturday. We ended up having a couple we recently met J&D over for dinner. Probably about the only lesbians we know in the area so it was nice and we never have people over to our house so that was fun too. We do have a pretty nice house so it's nice to show it off once in a while. Anywho, they are a lil' bit strange as far as they've been together for 11 years *yikes* and J doesn't really seem out. But to each their own and I guess they're going to try to have a baby soon so that will be nice. I definitely want to connect with other gay & lesbian families in the area so our kid isn't the only one. Though I guess it's unlikely we'll still be living here come school age or whatever. That's too much to think about.

So we had a fun evening - I made some manicotti and we played Buzz Word. Everyone got to enjoy some wine except for me. Hmph! I have been pretty good with the not being tempted but being the only one not drinking definitely sucked. Mary thinks I can have small glasses every once in a while but I'd rather not. I've always been disgusted when I've seen prego women indulging in even a lil' bit of alcohol.

This morning we went to brunch which was SO nice. We have been wanting to try this sort of fancy brunch place but knew it wasn't a bring the boys type of place. So I took all my energy of not being able to have a mimosa and put it into eating like a prego woman. LOL. I've not indulged in the "eating for two" yet. Afterall, I always think that expression is crazy - I'm eating for myself and a fetus - NOT 2 adults. But I did enjoy the brunch buffet and pigging out on an assortment of items. I've also decided to have a non-vegetarian pregnancy so my new love - BACON.

We lounged around for the rest of the day and caught up on DVR'd shows. Oh, life is sweet without the 2 terrors. I can't say I really miss them, in fact I'm dreading their arrival. If they were BOTH sweet and loving and got along for more than 2 minutes, maybe I'd want them home sooner rather than later. The week of their appointments will also start as soon as they get home. So we were both devastated when we asked for them to come home at 4:00 and the respite provider said she'd be in town (for her other foster placement) around 12. I guess our peace and leisure had to end at some point.

random bits

My internet explorer has been down since Wednesday afternoon. It went down almost immediately after Mary left on her trip with the laptop. Fabulous. Luckily, my phone can access the web so I haven’t been entirely set back in communication but it still sucked. I managed to removed some programs that looked suspicious so that seemed to fix it but we definitely need to update our virus software.

Anywho, Wednesday sucked in general but I managed to get the kids off to no man’s land. I brought them to McD’s after school to kill some time before heading to respite. Their pre-schools are north of here and so is respite – I didn’t want to back track. McD’s was a mad house! Usually the one near their school isn’t so bad (at least not as crazy as the one in our town) but it was packed, we just barely got a place to sit. The boys were both off their rockers along with all the other kids. I usually have ear plugs in my purse (I use them for long rides with the boys - I know, I'm terrible) but they weren’t there. So I planned on staying there until 6:30 but we left just after 6 since I couldn’t take it anymore. So I tried to drive slowly but still managed to get to the respite house at 7:15. Nobody was home which I figured may happen since they said 7:30.

But Mary hadn’t written down the house number on the directions so I went by memory of the last time. I’m like great, I’m sitting at someone’s trailer in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, it was them! They arrived a lil’ before 7:30. C2 did his stiff weight thing when I tried to get him out of the car. Finally I managed to pry him out and he was fine once we got in & he saw toys. Of course, when I asked C1 for a hug when I was leaving, he said, “No”. The kid is such a lil’ bastard. Needless to say, I wasn’t sad leaving them but rather relieved the entire way home.

And I’m still enjoying the freedom! Yesterday I went down to Portland to meet my friend Melissa & her son Jackson. She lives in northern Mass. so we thought it would be fun to meet in Portland to have lunch and tool around. I wish we lived closer or IN Portland, it is a cute little city and much closer to cool Maine places. So we walked around and had lunch at a yummy wood fired pizza place. Another thing I miss about being in Boston is good gourmet pizza.

When I left, I had thought of going to Babies R Us in Portland since we don’t have one around here but decided against it. I was getting tired and I had left Chloe & BoBo (so Chloe would have someone to play with) in the garage. I fell asleep on the couch around 6 and then when I woke up, immediately went to bed at 8. So pathetic but I guess that is being prego.

Today, I have been enjoying my freedom and doing some errands and cleaning. It is another dreary day around here as it has been most of the week. Mary will get home tomorrow afternoon hopefully with no car troubles since she probalby won't have her cell phone.

Mary is anti-purse and anti-bag so I am usually her purse. She had dinner with a friend in D.C. last night and had her hold her stuff. Well, she left her phone with her. Her friend lives an hour outside of D.C. so who knows how she’ll get her phone back. Of course, I was like, how drunk were you? LOL. She claims she only had 3 beers. Oh, my crazy wife.

And I finally managed to get an apptmt with a midwife. Nobody called me back from earlier in the week so I called a few more today and finally scored an apptmt. It's not until Dec 4 when I'll be 8 weeks. I had read that some OBs/Midwifes won't see you until 6-8 weeks so I was hoping for closer to 6 weeks. Oh well, at least I have an apptmt. Mary said I needed to see a dr. before our trip. It's the day before - LOL.

A Blog Shout Out

I don't know them IRL but I've enjoyed reading their blogs.

Congratulations to Steph & Carey (of infertilepediatrician and uterus times 2) on the birth of their son Hudson. Mary & I had kind of joked about having babies at the same time. But they are actually doing it - and having 3 total! Yikes! It will definitely be interesting to watch their journey with "lesbian triplets".

Florida & Our Lil' Doggie

So we have made the decision to all go to Florida at the beginning of December for the dreaded wedding. Who knew something as fun as a wedding could cause so much drama? Anywho, it should be CRAZY.

I basically threw down the rules of how things are going to be. So we are flying direct from an airport that's very close (thank god we don't have to drive to Portland), are renting a place, Mary's other sister is looking into a babysitter, and Mary's promised to take on more cooking/cleaning than last time when it was pretty much all on me.

I'm definitely freaking out about bringing the boys though. They are so hyper active and out of control lately. Even C2 seems to become more defiant everyday. He's usually the sweet one that doesn't really do anything bad. I'm also not a good flyer so I'm always anxious about flying.

Hopefully Mary will do everything in her power to make it a minimal stress time. Not to put it all on her but I am the prego one and it is her family...and they can be pretty overwhelming. There are 6 siblings total so it gets crazy. Sometimes her mom isn't talking to her dad so won't be at things he's at which makes it even crazier. Hopefully this isn't one of those times. Anywho, since we'll be renting a place hopefully there will be times that I can stay back while she carts the boys around to family events.

On a positive note, I am definitely looking forward to getting out of Maine in December. Already I'm FREEZING. I think it will also be much easier this time since we're flying direct from a nearby airport. Last time, we had to drive down to Portland (about 2.5 hours away), had a lay over in NY, and once we were on the plane we sat for over an hour before taking off. It sucked! We're also going to take C2 to the doctors beforehand to see what they recommend to ward off sickness. He always gets sick when we travel.

Oh, the topper, we've decided to bring Georgia down so we'll be traveling with 2 kids and a dog. Oh, I wish we had a video camera. All 7 pounds of Georgia had a rough winter in Maine last year. Mary's mom offered to take her until the Spring so we finally decided to take her up on the offer. I was against it since I love my lil' Georgie but I can see she is already not wanting to go outside. Aside from it being rough on her, at age 8, she's still not perfectly trained and we just can't have her not wanting to go outside. We plan on getting her back in the Spring which will hopefully happen. She is technically Mary's dog but ever since she's lived with the 2 of us, she's been in love & obsessed with her favorite mommy - ME :-) LOL!

OBs & Respite

The medical process is quite strange in Maine. I was hoping that finding an OB/GYN or midwife would be easier than the months it took to obtain a PCP when we first moved here. Unfortunately, it seems it's mostly the same process. At least they're not sending me an "application" like I had for getting a PCP. They just took a slew of information and will see if I'm accepted. Kind of crazy. I think it's that the system in Maine is inundated with people on public service.

I gave the information for an OB and the midwife that my dr recommended. Unfortunately, she won't be in until Thursday so I'll wait it out. In a pregnancy book I have, it recommends having consultations with multiple providers. I don't think that's going to be possible around here so hopefully she "accepts" me and I like her.

In other news, the boys are going to respite tomorrow night until Monday morning.
I must say Hallelujah!!!! LOL. We are in serious need of a break and I knew I couldn't handle time by myself with them. Mary will be away from Wed-Sat....it seems like she was just away.

I get so jealous when I talk to my mom and hear that lil' Seamus (my nephew) is sleeping over. He sleeps over at least once/week. I wish I had that! Plus, he is a 3 year old that lets his parents sleep in. If only!

Anywho, the boys are staying with the crazy that I've previously mentioned. Not our first choice but whatever, we'll take what we can get at this point. It seems weird though because she has a current placement (plus 2 children of her own). They live in a "double wide" so I'm not sure where she's going to fit the boys. She also said she can't take them until 7:30 p.m. and she needed us (us being me since Mary is leaving at noon) to bring them there. Taken, I'm glad they'll be gone, but I hate driving in the night & it's an hour north in the middle of no where. Hopefully I don't hit a moose.

Now What do I do?

O.k., so now that I've actually gotten a positive pee test, I'm like what do I do??? Up until this point, all my research and knowledge has been about getting pregnant not being pregnant.

So I've been trying to research OBs and mid-wives. My preference is to go with a mid-wife. My gyn that was doing by insems' is just a gyn, not an OB. Plus, I feel it would be a little weird to have the woman that got me pregnant delivering the baby. LOL.

Mary thought I should call my doctor for a blood test. I figured I'd just try to schedule an appointment with a mid-wife. Hmmm...I guess I'll call one and they can tell me. My gyn had recommended someone last year and I found that she was covered under my insurance. Now I went to look again on the insurance look-up thingy and she's no where to be found.

Oh well, I'm sure I will find someone. I'm also a total worry wart. Of course, I'm happy but I am so paranoid that all of a sudden I'm not going to be prego. Every time I go to the bathroom, I'm worried there's going to be bleeding. Hopefully this worry will subside or it's going to be a LONG 9 months.

Big Fat POSITIVE

FINALLY! FINALLY! FINALLY!...That's all I can say.

And, oh yeah...



I'm PREGNANT!

Maybe it was the Clomid & Trigger Shot (probably), maybe it was the red raspberry leaf tea, maybe it was the donor's fabulous sperm, maybe it was the blog support. Whatever it was, I'm FINALLY PREGNANT :-)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

2ww is ALMOST over

Now, for the subject I've been trying to avoid - my two week wait. It is FINALLY nearing the end. I feel like the first week went by nicely, I think it usually does because during that time there's no inclination of being prego even if you are going to be. Does that make any sense? :-)

Implantation and a potential positive test happens in the 2nd week. And as you get to the end of the 2nd week, you know you're going to know and it may not be the result your hoping & praying for. This creates ANXIETY.

I don't feel overly confident. I had some random nausea earlier in the week which I was excited about. Yes, excited about being nauseous. LOL. But it only lasted a day so probably wasn't a prego symptom. Mary keeps telling me to have a more positive attitude but I don't want to set myself up for a huge letdown.

I feel like Mary has been way more into this cycle. For a while, I had been feeling like she was adopting 2 kids and I was trying to have a baby. Plus, she always has so much going on with work. But this cycle she's been getting very excited about having a baby, more like when we first started trying. And I had mentioned taking next cycle off if it didn't work this cycle and she said, "I don't think you should do that at all" I was surprised because I thought, at least for our budget, she'd be happy I was not going to try next month.

I've also been more relaxed with caffeine this time. I had read some medical articles last month and found an awesome website on caffeine amounts so I've been going with caffeine in moderation opposed to completely avoiding it. So I'm enjoying 1 cup of tea/day and the occasional soy chai. Though I've still been avoiding a high amount of soy. I had some feta cheese the other day and Mary was all, "your being so rebellious this time". LOL. I actually hadn't thought about the feta. In fact, the soft cheese thing seems so ridiculous. What do women in France do?

So my 2ww is ALMOST over. My ticker says 2 days to testing but it's more like 3 or 4. My period is due on Monday and will be late on Tuesday so on 1 of those days I'll be testing (or not). AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! It's going to be a high strung weekend.

sometimes we're not super star foster parents

Mary stayed home today so I got out of the dreaded deed of picking up the boys from their bio mom visit.

When she got home, she told me they had dressed up for Halloween there. Apparently, C2 dressed up as a princess. I asked Mary, "What was C1?" and she said, "probably mad that C2 took the princess outfit". LOL!

Of course, visit day is not all full of laughs. Each time, their mother proudly exclaims how much sugary products they consumed in a 3 hour span. Today, she listed off brownies (I'm sure the ones you get a in a wrapper that have that weird frosting on them since she's tried to send them home with them before), pudding, and donuts.

We do serious things all week avoiding sugary foods and processed junk in general. It's not only not healthy but they get crazy on sugar. It actually fuels some of C1's neurotic behaviors. Of course, the boys occasionally get a treat (in moderation) but it's usually home made or the occasional munchkin from Dunkins'.

Even last night, the Great Pumpkin came and took all the Halloween candy and left prizes - more cars & a race track for their cars. But of course, all our efforts are negated every Thursday.

Mary was giving C1 his afternoon snack of carrots & string cheese. He said, "I want pudding and donuts like mama gives me!". Mary kind of lost it and started telling him how bad those things are for you and that in our house, we eat food that's good for you. Then realized she crossed since he nearly started crying. Oh, it's a long & difficult road we travel.

I also pulled a bad foster parent move when this morning, C1 kept saying "we're going to check to see if mama's there". After about the 5th time, I said, "o.k., sweetie, I don't want to talk about mama". As soon as I said it, I realized it was not a very nice thing to say. I mostly just didn't want him to repeat the same thing over and over. But needless to say, as much as I want to rip the women's head off, to the boys, she's "mama", the good one...that doesn't discipline & brings them sugary products if she shows up once/week. Oy.

A Strange Evening

Well, Halloween went well until the end of the evening. I met Mary & the kids at the mall so we could get a jump start on the trick-or-treating that began at 5. It was crowded but it was pretty organized so moved along pretty good.

Then we went home for a quick dinner and went around the neighborhood. Our neighborhood was packed! Probably only about 30% of the people actually live in our neighborhood. The others just drive around. Now last year it was pretty chilly and a little bit rainy so I didn't think much of people driving. This year, it was actually pretty nice out. And they don't just drive and drop the kids at the end of the street, they drive to every house. It is just sort of disgusting to me. Many of the kids are already over-weight in this area, now they're being driven around to collect candy. Ugh.

Anywho, the boys did have a lot of fun trick-or-treating. They were thrilled to be able to stay up late and run around outside at night. And since we don't have street lights, they were very hapy to wear glow sticks.

Now comes the crazy bad part. Before we left, Mary asked me to get my keys and I did. However, there was no house key on them. A few weeks ago when I was gettting an alignment for my car, Mary made me take the house key off of them and I never put it back on. I usually use the garage opener in my car to get into the house.

Nonetheless, it sucked! I went in the back of our house to check to see if any windows were unlocked. Mary comes back and says we're going across the street, the woman said we could wait there. I thought this was a nice gesture but I tried to tell Mary to say no, saying we don't have normal kids to bring to the neighbors. But Mary was psychotic about the entire thing and insisted even with mild temperatures we needed to wait inside.

There I found out that they not only have the nicest looking house on our street on the outside but also on the inside complete with lots of formal furniture. The boys acted as if they had entered a fun house and began jumping on everything. The woman was very nice about it, she's like it's kid proof (keep in mind, all her children are college age so now is there time to have nice stuff). I'm like, oh yeah, Queen Ann chairs are meant to be bounced on. It was just insane.

The other weird thing was she thought C2 was a girl. Mary of course didn't notice this at all (for an extremely intelligent person, my wife pays zero attention to details) and I felt weird letting her know he's a boy. Earlier when we went trick-or-treating there, she said to C1, let your sister have some. Then she kept referring to him as "she" when we were at her house. I mean he has a pretty feminine face but he's 2. We've also cut off the crazy curly hair he had when he first came to us. Needless to say, he looks like a boy and was dressed as Super Man. It was strange.

Mary called about 10 locksmiths with no luck and then FINALLY got in touch with her friend Todd that has a key to our house. Luckily, he was finished trick-or-treating with his son so came by with the key.

This just seems to be our typical luck since moving to Maine. What can go wrong, will and what can't go wrong, will! Luckily, I have gone from wanting to bash my head into a wall to laughing about the boys craziness at the woman's house and the awkwardness of the situation.

In other amusing Halloween things, here's some pics' of Georgia in her lobster costume. I felt like she looked more like she got eaten by a lobster rather than dressed up as one. LOL. But she was a good sport about wearing the costume.

Happy Halloween! (reminiscing)

Halloween has always been a favorite of mine so I thought I'd share some Halloween pasts...


Angel & Devil



This was my most creative! TomKat (Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes)...she was pregnant at the time. My hair was too short to sport a pony tail so I opted for a fake one. And you can't see from our name tags, but it says Scientology Ball. Too funny! At the party we went to, Mary was nominated in all categories: best male, best female, and best couple. LOL. We won best couple. :-)


Last year, poor BoBo got the rath of me wanting a baby. Poor kitty.

This year we'll be taking the kids out trick-or-treating. C1 is Spider Man and C2 despite wanting to be a butterfly is Super Man (at least it was his 2nd choice). Mary was all, "why not just let him be a butterfly?". As a gay couple, we're pretty relaxed when it comes to gender roles but I wasn't going to be the lesbian couple carting around their foster son dressed as a butterfly. LOL.

The day that FINALLY ended

I felt like my day was never going to end yesterday. Mary ended up going into work for the afternoon. She left, I did some major cleaning in the house and then decided to lay down for a nap. Well, about 15 minutes later, I hear the dogs barking and the garage opening. I'm like, please tell me, it's just Mary coming home sick. Nope, it's Mary, C1, and C2.

Apparently, C1 was acting so bad at quiet time they called Mary to come get him. We had this issue a few months ago and to solve it Mary would have the school call her. She would bring him home and he'd be in his room for the afternoon.

Well, it solved the problem for a little while but like all of C1's bad behaviors, it cycles through yet again. I swear it is never ending with this kid. Why is it so difficult to behave?

Needless to say, Mary worked from home while I watched C2. She brought him home so we wouldn't have to go back for him. C2 is not normally difficult to watch but I was so tired so was kind of ticked off about the situation and the boy would just not leave me alone.

This morning, I talked to C1 about behaving today. About 15 minutes later, he slammed C2 in the head with a toy. Lovely.

Oh well, I am off to the grocery store. Some how we have managed to go through 2 loafs of bread in under a week. If we adopt the boys, we're going to need some stipend to afford food for them as teenagers.

Venting

Well, the weekend was kind of a bust and I'm just glad it's over. We did have fun dressing the kids up but the 1st thing we tried to go to was pretty much rained out. I called in the morning and they said the rain wouldn't affect it since it was under tents. Ummm, we got there to find a tiny tent packed with people so opted out. Mary suggested bringing the kids to the mall to run around. I didn't agree but that sort of worked out aside from feeling like weirdos with the kids in costumes.

Then in the afternoon, we went to the major event in town. We *thought* we got there early enough to avoid the crowds - less than 30 minutes after it started. Well, it was packed! Mary hates crowds and after waiting 15 minutes for C1 to go on a bouncy thing, I knew it was also a bust. Of course, C2 was all "I gonna jump" and started freaking out when we tried to put him in it so did not jump. There was some random trick-or-treating which was fun for the kids but also had crazy lines.

I just feel like lately nothing ever goes as planned lately. Mary also had a major freak-out on potty training C1. This has been an on-going process to say the least. C1 is not even close nor does he seem to have any desire, even when his little brother is potty trained. He pee'd so many times in his diaper on Saturday morning even though we had him going to the potty regularly that Mary wanted to not allow him to wear his costume. I threw veto and said, "hell no!". She was not going to ruin my photo ops and accomplish nothing rather than just piss him off and further our potty issues. Anywho, Mary has been the main one in potty training him since she usually does C1s stuff and I do C2s stuff (whom I already potty trained months ago). Now, I am taking over the C1 potty-training. This should be fun since at this point, I'm grossed out at changing the kids diaper so have been avoiding it at all costs. He's a big kid and gets some serious pleasure on having his diaper changed. Ugh.

So we had a long weekend. Then, my hi-lite of the weekend was seeing the Red Sox win the World Series. I even stayed up for the entire game and some of the post show. After going to bed at 12:30 a.m., I thought I would be pretty good for sleep and maybe Mary would get up with the kids. Well, we were woken up to screaming of the ABCs and the boys doing there usual throwing of books...at 5:30 a.m. The usual wake up time is 6:30/7. I seriously thought I was going to kill them.

Then Mary wasn't feeling well so I had to deal with all the morning crap and making the hour round trip to pre-school. I just feel so fed up with them. Maybe because they are not my kids and I see them call some crack head "mama" every week even though I am doing all the work. The amount of work I have to do for them is driving me crazy and I would have never spaced my own kids 10 months apart. It is hell! And it's seriously driving me crazy.

And of course I'm even more high strung being in a 2ww. Which I had thought I was handling well but the weekend came and all of sudden all this anxiety popped up about it.

pre-Halloween

I'm actually looking forward to the weekend. We have a bunch of Halloween stuff planned and then Sunday is both Pats' and Sox. :-) One bonus of having kids in the house is being able to enjoy holidays that revolve around kids like Halloween.

So we will be going 2 different Halloween events tomorrow. Luckily, one is before their nap time and one is after so it works out well. We're also debating doing a hayride at night. Hopefully the weather is going to be good...I should check.

I was telling Mary if I knew we'd be doing so much Halloween stuff, I would've got the kids 2 costumes. I know, I'm crazy but costumes are fun and I know they'll destroy them on Saturday. Also, C1's spider man costume has a mask so I'm not sure he'll be able to stand it the entire time. Though this is a kid who sleeps completely covered in blankets (even his head) during August and wakes up saturated in sweat. He also can't wear his glasses with it on so his eye will be all over the place.

Just a random vent on Halloween costumes for pre-schoolers. There was hardly anything. All the costumes were for babies *such cute stuff*, up to 24 months, or 6 year olds; nothing for in between ages. C2 had to go with the 24 monther so it just barely fits him and C1 is a big kid *tall* for his age so he's wearing a big size which also is barely doable.

On a totally different subject, Mary made her radio debut on a Maine morning show. It was pretty cool to listen to her. She had left super early this morning to get over to the coast (for the lobster stuff) so I was dealing with the kids this morning. I NEVER have the radio on so they were all "what's that noise? that's Mary!" C1 was also adamant that Mary was on a boat and not on the radio. So I'm not sure they understood what was going on but it was pretty funny.

The drama continues...

The meeting didn't go too bad. The great-grandmother's lawyer is fairly normal and as much as she tried to defend her and pull pity cards for her, she seemed to understand the situation. We also really like the guardian ad litem and he seems to understand the situation we're in.

At least great-grandmother wasn't there which was a fear of mine (we were told she wasn't). It also didn't turn into we want to get a visit for her no matter what which was our other fear.

We definitely feel bad for the great-grandmother but at the same time, it's not about her, it's about the boys and what's best for them. Believe me, if having a relationship with her had worked out, we would've loved having a free babysitter in town.

However, after visits with her, we saw diarrhea, tantrums, night terrors, clinginess and various other disturbing favors. Also, most times we would receive a call from her within 2 hours (when she was supposed to take them for 4) that C1 was crying about an ear ache and she had to bring him home. When he got home, he would make a miraculous recovery within 5 minutes, no medicine needed.

We also kept her updated on these things but it just didn't phase her. Finally, after things were out of control, we asked the department to step in. Unfortunately, we shouldn't have been coordinating anything to begin with. Never mind coordinating visits with her at our house, a time for her to take them out, and phone calls. Lord, I know more about this woman than I do my own mother.

Unfortunately, I think the great-grandmother just has a goal and that's to see the boys at her convenience. Afterall, everything we went over at this meeting has been relayed to the great-grandmother during 4 team meetings even relayed by the boys' therapist.

We were also very clear that if we are to adopt, the only thing we could do for her was send her updates in the form of letters and possibly pictures. So we think her lawyer won't be able to convince her that her seeing them is not good for them. In which case, she'll pursue a battle of placement or sue for custody. I guess we'll just wait and see. Of course, we had to get the most dramatic foster placement that has this huge exetended family living in the same town we do.

Sox & Boots

Mary was like a pre-schooler wearing her boots all around the house last night, even laying on the couch with them to watch t.v. LOL. It was so funny because she seriously was like a child, I've seen kids at the boys' schools wearing their snow boots or rain boots in the middle of the summer. We finally had to hide C1 and C2's since they were always trying to wear them too.

In other news, the Sox kicked a**!!!! I finally went to bed at 11 - I know it's not late to most people but for me, it's almost 2 hours past my bedtime. The 5th inning was just never going to end and is much as I liked seeing the Sox blugeon the Rockies, I figured we definitely had it in the bag at that point.

I'm also enjoying a World Series that the Red Sox are in without BEER. If I'm not pregnant, I'm going to kill someone. LOL.

Oh well, the kids are off to their visit soon and we're off to the dreaded meeting. Here's some foliage pics' from our jaunt yesterday - photos don't seem to capture the beauty but they're still fun.

Big Fish, Little Sea

Just back from a jaunt over to Searsport. Mary's lobster study includes her going out on the water so she has to gear up. She is so crazy. Anywho, we went over to a marine supply store and got some stuff like big crazy boots. I did get a cute hat too. Hey, it's reimbursed so why not.

She was laughing at me because it's such a man's place & I'm like there's cute stuff for a baby boy nursery. I was thinking of doing a boy nursery in a sail boat theme. Anywho, we had a decent seafood lunch after marine supply shopping and then headed back.

Mary is all psyched to be a mini celebrity this week. A paper she recently wrote was covered in a major Maine newspaper and then our local newspaper did a feature story and she had lots of quotes in it. Now I guess she's going to be on some radio show later in the week. So she is pretty excited. At least being in Maine, for Mary has been awesome. She is able to get more recognition on a state level opposed to in Mass she was small time.

I guess I'm going to attend tomorrow's crazy meeting with the great-grandmother's lawyer and guardian ad litem. I brought the boys to school and C1 to therapy before hand. Apparently, Mary had been up with C2 during the night since he woke up with some nightmare (I was in a coma - oops) so I offered to the carting of the kids around this morning.

After C1's therapy, the therapists got into how she had talked to the lawyer for over an hour. As suspected, it's all about the great-grandmother wanting access to the kids. We went through this before so are pretty fed up at this point. It comes down to the boys, and especially for C1, the more visits, the crazier they are especially when they see this great-grandmother. Oy. It never ends!!!

Rainy Days

Well, it's day 1 of "not obsessing". LOL. The weather went from gorgeous to gross here. It is all overcast and randomly rainy here today. At least I have been spending most of my time resting. I feel particularly tired today - maybe the HcG, maybe the rain.

I also finally started looking for a temp job. I sent an updated resume to a place I tested at last year (before I ended up getting a temp job through the university) so hopefully they can find me something. Otherwise, it gets annoying to start with other agencies since you have to do all sorts of testing and stuff.

I feel like the schedule with the boys is already not going to work out but whatever. The extra money can't hurt and I need to be more busy even if it means working in an office and acting all phoney.

Mary was already mentioning how she's doing some lobster study so on days she's going out to "sample", I'll have to bring the boys to school. Hopefully she hasn't scheduled any of her trips for visit days or therapy days which counts for 3 days of the week. oy.

She had also suggested me finding a regular job but since I'm trying to get pregnant, I think temp is the way to go. Afterall, if I feel really sick when I'm prego I can just quit & not feel bad about it. And I plan on staying at home with a baby (the entire point of moving to Maine) so it's not like I'd be working at a reg office for a long time. So temp it is.

In the boys' news, at court yesterday a trial for TPR was set. That will be at the end of November and apparently I'll receive a subpoena. I wish they could just subpoena Mary, she lives to be all Law & Order like.

Mary also agreed to meet with the guardian ad litem and the great-grandmother's lawyer (but the great-grandmother won't be there - weird). I think that's this Thursday or next Thursday. She said I can go or not go so I will probably not go. I'm so terrible but this entire process makes me feel uncomfortable. The only reason I'd go is to make sure Mary didn't agree to having some sort of relationship with the great-grandmother. I'm sure this is the entire point of the meeting.