Thursday, November 1, 2007

sometimes we're not super star foster parents

Mary stayed home today so I got out of the dreaded deed of picking up the boys from their bio mom visit.

When she got home, she told me they had dressed up for Halloween there. Apparently, C2 dressed up as a princess. I asked Mary, "What was C1?" and she said, "probably mad that C2 took the princess outfit". LOL!

Of course, visit day is not all full of laughs. Each time, their mother proudly exclaims how much sugary products they consumed in a 3 hour span. Today, she listed off brownies (I'm sure the ones you get a in a wrapper that have that weird frosting on them since she's tried to send them home with them before), pudding, and donuts.

We do serious things all week avoiding sugary foods and processed junk in general. It's not only not healthy but they get crazy on sugar. It actually fuels some of C1's neurotic behaviors. Of course, the boys occasionally get a treat (in moderation) but it's usually home made or the occasional munchkin from Dunkins'.

Even last night, the Great Pumpkin came and took all the Halloween candy and left prizes - more cars & a race track for their cars. But of course, all our efforts are negated every Thursday.

Mary was giving C1 his afternoon snack of carrots & string cheese. He said, "I want pudding and donuts like mama gives me!". Mary kind of lost it and started telling him how bad those things are for you and that in our house, we eat food that's good for you. Then realized she crossed since he nearly started crying. Oh, it's a long & difficult road we travel.

I also pulled a bad foster parent move when this morning, C1 kept saying "we're going to check to see if mama's there". After about the 5th time, I said, "o.k., sweetie, I don't want to talk about mama". As soon as I said it, I realized it was not a very nice thing to say. I mostly just didn't want him to repeat the same thing over and over. But needless to say, as much as I want to rip the women's head off, to the boys, she's "mama", the good one...that doesn't discipline & brings them sugary products if she shows up once/week. Oy.


Lannette said...

Gee Candice, I think you do really well. I'd probably lose it. Even the best biological parents aren't super stars every minute of every day either.

Hang in there.

Trace said...

I think being a foster parent has to be one of the most difficult jobs. As a matter of fact, I don't think I could do it. It has to cut you emotionally when they refer to mama. Try not to beat yourself up. You're doing a GREAT job, and I think you're right about the junk food. Based on my friends who have autistic & ADHD children the food you are referring to the food does directly correlate w/behavior.

Candice said...

yeah, I'd say we are pretty good parents 90% of the time and we're dealing with a lot of strange issues. at least as mary puts it, "it's like boot camp for us having our own children". i really do think once we have our own, we'll be so much better at parenting them & being PATIENT.