Monday, March 31, 2008


Friday Mary stayed home as planned. It wasn't the love fest I had hoped for but it was still nice to spend time with her sans the kid. Of course we did a million errands and house stuff.

Saturday we all went to a "sugar house". It's maple syrup season around here and apparently there's this thing called Maine Maple Sunday. Well, this year it was on Easter *how dumb* so most places had it on different days. We definitely made way more maple purchases than planned - Mary was the culprit though, not me! I have to gloat in the times that she spends like a drunken sailor since I'm usually the one pinned as the crazy shopper. Oh well, at least there's a little maple package on it's way to Mary's family in Florida. Sunday morning, we had a maple breakfast. Even dieting wifey joined in so she was THRILLED. She was all, this is SO could tell she hadn't eaten real carbs and sugar for a full week. LOL.

Sunday Mary went to see HB. I think that went well, I actually haven't heard much about it. I was relieved to hear that a visit with Cameron won't happen for at least 3 weeks. *phew* Originally, they were thinking as early as next week. Cam's been doing so good and has been so happy that I don't want to mess it up.

Anyways, most of my Sunday was spent doing things pregnant woman probably shouldn't do like trying to break up ice on our driveway and doing paint touch ups. I also did a ridiculous amount of cleaning. Note to anyone looking to buy a stove, do not get a flat burner (name?) one - at least not in white, it is impossible to keep clean.

Mary is crazy! She cleaned the downstairs bathroom (keep in mind, this is where we spend MOST of our time). Taken, we made a major mistake in picking out some seriously light colored tile so all the tile and grout had to be scrubbed to make it look new. But now she won't let us use that bathroom and it has been about 2 weeks. Can you tell that she doesn't normally clean things? I got in trouble last night when I ran in there during Tudors. LOL. So I mentioned banning the use of the stove during the sale of the house. Some how my ban is not being recognized. Hey now!

Anywho, our realtor came by this morning. We had thought about listing it ourselves due to the high fees and we really liked the realtor we used to buy the home but she had moved to a different state. Then last week we randomly get a card from her that she moved back. So she came by today to give us some comps' and discuss our options. We were SHOCKED since she mentioned listing it at about 20K higher than we were thinking. Yikes! There is still some negotiating to do though since she said they don't usually do price cuts but buyer incentives. Ummm, aren't buyer incentives (like closing costs, etc) covered by us and don't effect the Realtors commission? Anyways, we have just been hoping we'll get out with our mortgage paid off, never mind recouping the 12K we've put into the house. She seems to think even with her fee that we could get all our money back. She claims the market isn't that bad around here so I am hoping that she is right. I just want a QUICK sale. Of course, Mary was seeing green when she mentioned the high sale price but I feel like a lower price will get us out quicker. Who knows. We're going to think about it this week and then we'll meet with her again on Friday to go over a price and the terms of her contract.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

Pouty and Pregnant

I think I'm at that point in my pregnancy where I am just thinking I cannot do this and and there is no way I can make it to July 14. I'm hoping this is a normal reaction. It may be my rapid changing body, the heartburn, the acid indigestion, the fatigue, the pains from stretching ligaments or just the major fear of labor. I'm constantly dropping things which apparently is a pregnant thing. I HATE bending over, it's difficult since I no longer have an abdomen to bend and for some reason my legs hurt really bad lately. What's up with that? The thought of going another 3.5 months is beyond me but my body will just do it, right?

And I can see how people can gain much more than the allotted 30 pounds of weight during pregnancy. I am starving!! I've been trying to eat smaller meals and snacks more often but it's really hard to always eat healthy. Plus, resisting certain times to eat is difficult. For example, right before I got to bed, I'm like I could eat a sandwich but I stop myself. If I sleep, I can eat in the morning, food will still be there.

To top things off, Mary started a diet on Monday. Yes, I'm pregnant and Mary's dieting. This is wrong! It's the zone diet - I would say it's good as far as diets go but as the chef of the house I just hate dealing with a diet. It's also very hard to organize low carb veggie meals and she has this huge list of veggies she can't eat and a huge list of stuff I'm supposed to get. So much for my grocery budget. I've done pretty good this week with coordinating meals for her (and me - I'm pregnant and need carbs!) but I can already tell this is going to get old fast. And it's not fair that she can get all fit and skinny while I'm getting huge. Hmph! *pouts*

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Mellow Yellow

Baby likes coffee. It's the weirdest thing. I'm normally not a coffee drinker; I'm a tea (and soy chai latte) drinker. I'll drink coffee on a rare basis but I've never been an everyday coffee drinker. Suddenly, in my pregnancy, I WANT coffee - I NEED coffee. It's so strange. Apparently baby likes coffee and what baby wants, baby gets *of course in decaf or 1/2 decaf* ;-)

So today was a pretty mellow day, it's been a mellow week which is nice. The caseworker made a quick visit this morning to see that Cameron is alive. She STILL confuses HB's and his name. She's like, does the adoptive family have all of Cameron's things? Ummm, no, because Cameron lives here.

Anywho, we went to the "red store" (that's Target or Tar.get in blog world) since I really needed to get some things. We've had some issues going to stores lately so I bribed him with a McDonald's lunch if he was good. Hey, whatever works and it did. McDonald's was pretty painless, Cameron's normally a big eater but lately it's crazy! He had a mixture of cheerios, raisins, and peanuts on the way to Target. Then less than an hour later he scarfed down his happy meal (cheeseburger, apples, and milk) and then ate a bunch of my food. The child cannot stop eating, the days he's home he's constantly asking for "a little snack". Maybe he's in a growth spurt? I can only imagine what it's going to be like when him and the baby are teenagers. Boys eat a lot!

I planned on taking him to an outdoor playground this afternoon since the temp had broke 40 and was sunny. An hour later, it was dark and windy. Oh, New England weather is such a tease. Snow is expected tomorrow. I will not even comment on that. At least Mary's taking the day off tomorrow for me :-) I wanted to have a night out this weekend but between Cameron's separation anxiety and our budget, we decided to use daycare as a babysitter and spend the day together. Of course, Mary will probably have us doing errands and house things but at least it's a day without the little man.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Super Heroes

I am SO sick of winter. We woke up to snow today. Come on, it's almost April. I need warmth!!! I just want to be able to go outside...or at least without several layers of clothing. Our dog Chloe has totally had it. She's not a leash dog to begin with, she's a wild beast that likes to run free. Luckily, we have a large fenced yard but she likes someone to go out and play with her which I'm just not into during the winter. I try to bundle up to play soccer with her but it's been a rare occurrence this winter. She is clearly stir crazy lately and driving me crazy!

Yesterday was uneventful which is always a good thing. Cameron was home though I didn't venture out anywhere with him except for play therapy. We just played at home. He's definitely in a stage where he's unpredictable in public. Meaning, he might freak out if he doesn't get what he wants or his way.

Play therapy went smoothly except for the 10 minutes it took to coax him into the office and off of my leg. We definitely have some major separation anxiety lately. His baby (a/k/a "babe") went along too. I'm pretty sure he got babe from Mary. Last week, when I wasn't feeling good, he comes in to my room and was all, "are you feeling alright babe?". I'm like, who are you? LOL.

Anywho, he did very well with the baby during his session. Though he did tell his play therapist that she wasn't allowed to feed the baby because she wasn't a super hero. Everything is about super heroes and he decides who and who isn't a super hero. I am a super hero, Mary is a super hero, even Nana Patty is a super hero but play therapist is NOT. Kids are crazy.

Monday, March 24, 2008

Medicating Young Children

So yesterday evening, HB called. I didn't want to talk so just Mary talked. I never talked on the phone with him before so it's just been weird. He's hard to understand and he keeps telling me they only have one bathroom. And well, I just want some time away from him. Unfortunately, Mary is the only one in this house that wants any contact with him. I was also happy I made this decision since she said he was being pretty mean and bossing his new mom around the entire time.

As for Cameron, I was just like, don't even ASK him if he wants to talk. We were having a good day, why ruin it. I have pretty much told Mary to drop the subject of asking him if he wants to visit or contact HB. Since at some point we'll do a visit regardless, I think it's unnecessary. A few days earlier when it was mentioned to him that at some point we'd visit HB, he said that if he went to see HB his belly was going to hurt. Basically, a 3 year old's version of it makes me nervous and anxious to even think about it.

Needless to say, HB is still out of control and has started wetting his pants a lot. I had predicted this since he was only potty trained 1-2 months before leaving our house and it's a major control spot for him. Unfortunately, I just think HB really needs to be on some sort of medication. Before HB, Mary and I were very much against medicating kids in his age range. We also thought we could work through his problems without medication but it's very clear that all the focus and all the therapy in the world is not going to do much for this kid. He's definitely someone that could really benefit from some sort of medication.

Mary also mentioned that she felt the adoptive mother was the one he was targeting like he targeted me. I was actually surprised to hear her say this since I feel Mary often thinks I'm so wrong for pretty much not liking the kid. But I was definitely most often the target of his just flat out meanness and disrespect. Even if I tried to do nice things with or for him, I always ended up frustrated because he was just mean! Mary and I are both woman but he definitely put his mother issues on me. I saw the way HB treated his "mother" and that was very much the same way he treated me.

I know it would be devastating to Mary but I wish the adoptive mother would just cut off contact at least for a while. There's nothing good to say, Mary's just feeling horrible about any updates she receives. I have to remind her that he's had all these issues and that it's nothing new. It would definitely be nice to hear that he was doing great but it would be a total shock too. I just don't think he's able to be happy and it's sad to see that in a kid so young. Again, medication is in need.

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Happy Easter!

I know, it's probably very non-Christian of me to hide an Easter egg in the Buddha ;-)

I hope everyone had a good Easter (if you celebrate it). We had a lot of fun, I think Easter is my new favorite holiday. A lot less work than Christmas and I love Spring time and bunnies. Mary didn't like that we're so nonreligious about the holiday but she still had a lot of fun.

It definitely wasn't Spring time here...but I have hope that it will reach us at some point. Friday night we colored eggs and then sat by the fireplace and drank hot chocolate - at least I had found bunny shaped marshmallows to put in it. Ha!

Saturday night we went to our local children's museum for a GLBT families event. We had done something similar around Christmas that was a total bust. But this was fun, Camer was very excited to see the bunny there and we had fun joining in on the egg hunt. There was also a decent turn out and we didn't even care about Mainers being so anti-social since we're moving :-)

Today, we woke up very early with one very excited little boy to find the eggs "the bunny" hid and open our baskets.

I was special and the bunny brought me a bucket ;-)

Later, we went to brunch and our sort of friends J&D (a lesbian couple) met us. We don't have any good friends here but we've hung out with them a couple of times. J is sort of a co-worker of Mary's as in she's also a professor. I thought it might be kind of strange to have them join us on a holiday but whatever, none of us have family here and it was nice to have some adult conversation. Cameron was also pretty good during brunch so we could actually enjoy it. Plus, being a buffet, the kid got food quickly (which is key with a 3 year old). Though buffets are a total waste on me. I figured being pregnant I'd take advantage of it but I think I just get overwhelmed and end up eating less than if I actually ordered a meal.

J&D are fun to hang out with and they're going to start trying to have a baby soon. I find this very strange for one reason - J is not out to her family. Her and D have been together for a ridiculous amount of time. It's wrong to say ridiculous but basically they didn't have any of that "sow their oats" time which I guess isn't necessary for everyone - it was for me! ;-) Anywho, J is slightly closeted in general which I think she needs to get over before having a baby with her partner. I mean, what is she going to tell her mom, D's having a baby and we figure since we live together the baby will call me mom too? Plus, being a gay parent is a huge decision so I think you definitely need to be comfy with your sexuality to make that leap. I don't know, it's just my opinion. Otherwise, I think they'll both make great parents.

Oh, and on a really funny note. The first time we hung out with them, D was telling us her sister is also gay and said, "she lives in Massachusetts...and she's so gay, she's even married." We were like, "ummm, we're married too!". Insert foot in mouth. Anyways, I think having a baby is an even bigger step than legally binding your relationship.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Cat Facts

It was a long day. I ended up randomly getting sick last night, I actually thought I was getting the flu but I felt mostly fine today so obviously it wasn't. *phew*

Anywho, I went to bed at 8:00 p.m. Of course, I thought I was going to have a peaceful night sleep. Then Cameron was coughing up a lung as usual and then later he woke up crying. After all that, BoBo was pissed that Mary removed him from the bed when she came in so he was trying to break in and kept crying. Mary finally got up and put him in the office and then Emma started at the door. She is a weird cat, we think she was human in her previous life and is now frustrated to be a cat. It sounds crazy but all the signs are there. Needless to say, she likes to open up drawers and cabinets. Well, she found the catnip stash yesterday afternoon and got majorly high so she must have still been coming down or something. Crazy kitties!

I had planned on keeping Cameron home today. I was up with him from 7 a.m. and even though Mary worked from home she didn't give me any relief except to allow me to go to the store during his nap. Gee, thanks! ;-) And during this time, it was psycho windy here. As I was leaving a store, the door literally blew off of it. Luckily, none of the shattered glass hit me. This was a crazy day!

I was happy to finish all the Easter baskets (for Cameron, Mary, and pets - they just get one with stuff for all animals). This is very unlike me to have things finished 2 days in advance. Usually I'm up doing things the night before. Tonight, we'll color eggs which should be fun or just messy :-) I also picked up some bunny shaped marshmallows so we can have hot chocolate while we color eggs. I LOVE me some hot chocolate but I am kind of disgusted that we'll be having hot chocolate while coloring Easter eggs and it looks like an arctic tundra outside.

Makes Me Sick

Oklahoma State Rep. Sally Kern

Thursday, March 20, 2008

I am Going to Have a Baby

So I had a midwife appointment this morning. Since there's been such a scheduling issue, I saw a different midwife. I definitely prefer mine. I also prefer my scale at home because the one at the midwife's office adds 4 pounds ;-) I'm telling you, it really does!

Anywho, apparently my file says I plan on breastfeeding. The woman was a bit rough around the edges and was all, so you're going to breastfeed and I said, "Yes, I'm at least going to try". And she's like, "don't say try, say, I am going to breastfeed". Oh geez, I wanted to let her know that my body doesn't always follow my instructions. LOL.

I was also totally freaked out because the nurse mentioned and then she mentioned signing up for labor classes and how I'm nearing the end. Nooooo!!! I am definitely kind of freaking out about entering the third trimester. Of course, I'm excited to FINALLY be having my baby but it's totally scary at the same time.

I feel I haven't even had time to enjoy being pregnant or just basque in the glory of finally being pregnant. I look back at my ovulation calendar and see that I started tracking my cycle in May 2006 and now I'm having a baby in July 2008. Obviously, this wasn't the original plan. Taken, we didn't start trying until August 2006 and then we took some time off when we got the boys and to replenish our bank account but geeez, it's amazing how you picture things one way and they turn out so differently.

Now, I just want Mary to come up with a name for our boy! Of course, there's a few names floating around. It's scary to name a kid and you know what, it's even scarier for Mary to name a kid. I'm just glad she's not trying to name him Mary. She's also freaking out about the middle name because one of the names she likes doesn't flow with the middle name she wants.

The Saga Continues (part 2)

I was SUPER livid to hear from Mary yesterday afternoon that our caseworker called about setting up a visit between HB and Cameron. WTF?!?! We seemed to have cleared this up with the adoptive mother but she seriously crossed a line. Getting a caseworker to force a visit in a white walled room is NOT a good idea. We were also like, look if you hadn't cancelled Mary's visit on Sunday we'd be looking to have a visit sooner. Luckily, we were able to push off the caseworker by telling her to call Cameron's therapist and at her recommendation, she didn't think a visit should be happening right now. God forbid anybody just take our word.

We also tried to re-explain to the adoptive mothr that if they thought HB seeing Cameron was going to smooth things over for them, it was not, so they should just drop that fantasy. We went through this! HB would ask for bio family quite frequently. We set up visits with extended family that we thought would please him and instead it totally backfired on us. And now we're trying to look out for Cameron who is very adamant about not wanting to see HB. And I do not blame him, HB was not good to him and he associates HB with bad things happening to him. These boys aren't being separated because they have a loving and bonded relationship.

I was still seriously pissed about the caseworker being involved. We are at the verge of adoption and we got news the other day that they f*ct up our paperwork by spelling Cameron's bio father's last name wrong. So now everything has to go back to be changed. Luckily, our lawyer caught this mistake made by the state because dumb stuff like that could threaten the adoption later on.

As far as I'm concerned though, we're an adoptive family now and they can't tell us what to do. We signed a pre-adoptive agreement so now we don't receive any foster benefits. Which I thought was weird but whatever, we're more than willing to pay for him but don't force us into stuff that is clearly not in his best interest.

To top things off, Mary pressured Cameron into getting on the phone when HB called last night. I was pretty pissed. He was asked several times if he wanted to talk to which he said, "no!" and even looked very nervous and got all clingy with me one of the times. Then I go on the phone with HB and suddenly Mary brings him into the room and is like, "Cameron's going to talk now". I was pissed but as predicted Cameron got on the phone and said, "hello ba-bye!" and ran away from the phone. I'm not sure HB's adoptive family grasps the concept of a 3 and a 4 year old having a phone conversation. Anywho, I was ticked at Mary and she learned her mistake this morning because Cameron threw a fit and didn't want her to leave when she dropped him off at school. Forcing him into doing things like this is just going to enhance his abandonment issues which Mary agreed and said she wouldn't be doing it again.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

The Saga of HB Continues (It's a LONG one)

I'm not even sure we're to begin on this one. On Sunday Mary was supposed to go visit with HB. This visit was set up prior to his move. Well, the adoptive family decided it would be best to cancel it because of issues HB was having. We didn't fully agree with this but obviously it's their decision to make. Mary was also upset since she was banking on this visit. I think it made his leaving much more bearable for her since she knew she'd see him the next week.

She asked the family to give him the choice to do the visit. Since he knew about the visit, she didn't want him to think that she was bailing on him. In return, they sent an email saying that he wanted to call and talk to everyone. After some discussion, we agreed that we would both talk to him but Cameron would not. We felt it would be confusing for Cameron and the kid's idea of a phone conversation is taking the phone and going "Hello Ba-Bye!" So Mary and I each talked to HB and I thought it went pretty well.

Well, apparently when he got off the phone, he kicked one of their cats "across the room". They were surprised. We had previously told him (or rather warned them) that he had tried to hurt our animals and that we would put them away after visits or during his fits. The tendency to hurt animals was a major issue for me but that's an entire different story.

Anywho, last night I talked to Mary about what the plan was for future visits. We both fully agree that there should be one or two visits with one of us (preferable Mary) before he has a visit with Cameron. When I mentioned this to the play therapist, she also agreed. We want to see HB's behaviors at the visit and then get feedback from the adoptive family on the after affects. I worry that if he's acting crazy after visits, the family will pull them. Which I can't blame them, HB does NOT react well after visits. However, I don't want to tease Cameron with him being able to see HB and then the family pull the visits.

Since HB's been asking to see Cameron the adoptive family just thinks that's the way it should be. Mary has tried to relay to them that he doesn't want to see Cameron because of some loving bond he has with him, he wants to see him because he's angry and jealous. He's pissed off that Cameron got to stay here and that he's not the one deciding where Cameron's going.

They also don't see our prospective of looking out for Cameron's best interest. Cameron has mentioned HB a handful of times to me. I just listen or respond with "HB is in his new home" if it's something related to him coming back. Mary has taken a different approach and has asked Cameron every time he's mentioned HB if he'd like to see him. 100% of the time Cameron has responded "No!" And again, Mary and I along with the therapist agree that since he's saying that, it's not a good idea to force a visit on him. The therapist also mentioned that she saw no reason to rush a visit and that she thought one should happen in a month or two.

They also mentioned that HB's mentioning his "daddy" a lot. Mary met his "daddy" and from the words of his mouth, he had only seen HB as an infant and just a few times. So we let them know that any stories about a "daddy" and "daddy's house" were totally false.

The problem is we're just not coming to an easy agreement with his adoptive family. They're overwhelmed and just want to give him whatever he's asking for. It's really tough to relay to these people that the kid is very manipulating and you really can't let him run the show. We're also in a place where we respect that they are his parents now but at the same time we feel after dealing with him for over a year that we kind of know certain things to do with him.

They said they don't want to prepare him for a visit. I gasped when Mary told me this. HB is someone who needs to be prepared to eat off a yellow plate instead of a blue plate. They said they didn't want him to have anxiety leading up to the visit. I agree that could happen so maybe don't let the kid know 5 days in advance but don't tell him when he's in the car en route. We did this with his mother's visits because of her unlikeliness to show up. We would tell the boys once we got a call that she was at the location. Well, this created major anxiety because HB would question us at random times to see if we were going to see her or if I got a phone call in the morning, he'd say, "oh, is mama there?". Unfortunately, for us, the issues were less than him knowing a visit was SUPPOSED to happen and her just not showing up. In this case, we're dependable people - if we plan a visit, we'll be there.

It's very difficult. I just hope both families can come to some sort of agreement. I also of course now have major worry that they're going to decide to ship him off.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Tantrums Suck

I brought Camer to play therapy this morning and it seemed to go well. I think I'm turning over a new leaf with the play therapist...or something like that. Anywho, she's actually given some decent feedback and I haven't wanted to call her a b*tch.

Afterwards we went to the dreaded Toys R Us so Cameron could pick out a toy. My mom had sent him an Easter card with some money. So I figured we would have fun going to the store and picking out something. Of course explaining money to a three year old is not easy but we managed to find something in his price range. Then we walked by the Power Wheels and he wanted to sit in EVERY one. After a few, I said, one more and we're done. He was pissed. After I attempted to pull him off one, he threw a fit and we were out of there. Of course, everyone (I think it's a Mainer thing) stared at us as I was carrying his screaming a** out of the store. So no prize and now he's in for an early nap. I am just glad that his tantrums are usually few and far between and it ended shortly after getting into the car.

Our lil' Irish night went well. I made Irish Soda Bread and came to the conclusion that I officially suck at making bread. Anytime I've tried to make bread, it just doesn't come out how I imagined. Mary said she loved it and Cameron ate a ton but it just wasn't as good as I hoped. Of course, I am the most critical of my cooking. I also made a vegetarian shepherd's pie which was as good as a vegetarian shep's pie can be. But most yummy of all was dessert, bread pudding. Yummy! I had never made this but it was super easy and came out awesome.

I was thinking of doing some cleaning but instead I'm going to feed my pregnant self and watch some DVR'd shows like John and Kate plus 8. They make my life seem much moe enjoyable. After all, I'm dealing with 1 three year old and not 6. Plus, Kate is pretty cute. Mary always gets mad at me when I tell her she should cut her hair like Kate. LOL.

Monday, March 17, 2008

Happy St. Patty's Day!

I am *very* Irish so I get very excited for St. Patty's Day. I mean, it's such a fun holiday, the only thing you have to do is wear green (or orange) and have a good time.

*Once he's legally ours, I will not be blocking out his face.* I'm not sure Camer is actually Irish but he does make a good adopted Leprechaun. Of course, I do suspect that he thinks the holiday has something to do with his favorite person "Nana Patty" (my mom).

Camer is obsessed with hats so when I saw another Irish hat, I just had to get it. He really wanted to wear his "big hat" to school today. I told Mary she should take it when she dropped him off since I suspect the "big hat" could cause some issues with the other little ones. Afterall, he was told not to bring anymore stuffed animals after he insisted on bringing his "big penguin" to school.

Of course, I keep telling Mary that I want our baby boy to have a good Irish name. As most of you know, since the baby is a boy Mary is in charge of choosing a name. Mary's all, well we can just name him Seamus like everyone else in your family. I noted that only my brother and nephew were named Seamus. To top it off, their middle names are Sean. Anywho, we will not be naming the baby Seamus.

Anywho, usually our St. Patty's Day is spent at a pub and usually with Mary's dad. He made a tradition of coming up to Boston for St. Patty's Day. Last year we even met him down there with the boys, but after three years her Floridian father finally came to the conclusion that it's just too cold in March.

Well, we won't be at any pubs this year. Oh but how I would like to be enjoying a Magner's Irish Cider tonight. Oh, Irish Cider. Whatever, I still just want a glass of red wine! Damn pregnancy. LOL. Instead, we're going to have a little celebration here. I am going to make an Irish feast - some sort of vegetarian Shepherd's pie. We'll see how this goes.

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Pregnancy Sucks! ;-)

I've tried not to complain too much on the blog about being pregnant. Afterall, I went through hell getting here and I'm grateful just to be pregnant. I also know that there are many others that are still struggling to achieve pregnancy. But aside from creating a child, pregnancy pretty much sucks!

The baby is growing and so is my belly! It's frightening. Especially since I feel like it's suddenly quadrupled in like a week. I guess that's what people mean about "popping". I definitely feel uncomfortable like my hips are separating from the rest of my body. And I'm not even sure how my lower back is going to make it another four months. Thank goodness for self massage!

Maternity clothes: I felt like before I was pregnant, I would see cute maternity clothes. Well, not anymore. I have one pair of maternity jeans and otherwise I wear sweats. I had a major hassle finding any jeans/pants that were long enough for me. I finally found some at Old Navy a few months ago and well that was it. I've now gone back to several to try to find more but there are none. Everything is capris now. Ummm, we're nowhere near capri time in Maine. I also looked for long sleeve shirts and had a problem with that since everything is short sleeve or sleeveless. There's months of needing to cover your limbs in Maine. Anywho, maternity clothes suck :-)

Sleeping: I am not a "side sleeper", I'm a belly sleeper. Well, even though everything says sleep on your left side, I was pretty much sleeping on my belly until recently. Now, it's just not possible with my pouch. I asked my midwife and she said either side was fine. So I've been attempting to alternate between the left and right. I hate it. I invested in a body pillow that was on the cheap. There's all these pregnancy pillow things but they seem expensive so I don't want to buy one unless it's going to do miracles for my sleeping.

Anywho, I leave with you with some entertaining shots of my expanding self. I am still wondering when my belly button will be an outty and what will come of my tattoo. Of course, when I got it everyone kept saying that's a bad place for a tattoo when you're pregnant. Being the 19 year old care free lesbian that I was, my only response was, "I'm never going to be pregnant!". Oh, how things change.

what will come of the tattoo?

and even though I hate my side profile, you really don't get the effect unless you see the belly from the side

One Week with One Child

So it was our first week without HB. I must say there is just a way better vibe in the house. Just having Cameron is great. He's definitely a little confused about the situation but overall he's been much happier and smiley.

We took him to see Horton Hears a Who yesterday. I've brought him to a few movies and he does rather well. Mary hates that he has such an attention span to cartoons but it definitely comes in handy sometimes. It was definitely nice to be able to all go to the movies, something we've never been able to do. We were also accompanied by the stuffed animal Horton.

Kohl's sells Dr. Seuss books and stuffed animals for the main characters. Not only are they only $5 but the proceeds go to charity. This isn't supposed to be a plug but I love them because, well, I love Dr. Seuss books. A while back I got Yurtle the Turtle for HB and Fox in Sox for Camer. I recently saw Horton Hatches the Egg so I got it for Camer along with the Horton.

He was very excited because well he loves stuffed animals and books. I got him the cutest little elephant while we were in D.C. (we've named it Elephantay) so when he realized Horton was also an elephant, he ran and got Elephantay from his room and yelled, "It is a friend for Elephantay!".

We are still in the process of revamping the house. Lucky for me but unfortunately for Mary, I'm prego so can't do any major lifting. I've been trying to help but Mary has had to be a work horse getting a bunch of crap to the storage unit.

We also made some donations to DHS such as a crib (that we used for Cameron when he first came here), a toddler bed (HB's), and a bunch of toys (we came across a stash of unopened toys, I'm assuming from the surplus of Christmas). Anywho, I had to laugh because the DHS worker was all, "you guys aren't going to take any more little ones?". This was after I told her we were adopting Cameron and that I was due in July. Oh lordie. Of course, our caseworker wouldn't call us back but we got the drop of stuff coordinated by the woman we used for respite placements. Anywho, she's nice and I like her but I wanted to say, we don't want to deal with your incompetent co-workers ever again!

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Misc Info for a Thursday :-)

We used to have a rule that when the boys woke up, they had to stay in their beds. This was so they didn't wander the house or fight with each other while we were sleeping. Now that it's just Cameron and in an effort to get him out of wearing diapers at night. We've told him, if he's awake and we're not, it's o.k. to go to the potty and then he go back to his room to play with his toys. Sometimes, the child is awake at 5:00 a.m. and we just don't get up at that time.

Problem is instead of going to the potty he comes into our room at 5:30 a.m. He also leaves the door open - cats come in and the dog leaves. Hopefully we'll get this under wraps soon. This morning, I kind of freaked out to open my eyes and have a little man with large blue eyes staring at me. Aaaaaaah! LOL. Of course, he was all smiley and all, "you're wakin up now".

So today I had my midwife appointment...or rather not. This is my 20 week that I keep rescheduling. Apparently another patient had gone into labor so there was nobody to see me. After about 25 minutes of waiting, I rescheduled. Now, it's next week. Obviously, the entire 20 week appointment will be skipped and I'll just have a 24 week appointment. What a process.

And since I always do a pee test, I asked if I should do one while I was there. Plus, I had drank tons of water so I could actually perform this test. They said, no, unless I was having symptoms. I don't know what symptoms are but I'm pregnant. They're also supposed to be closely monitoring me for diabetes since my mother had gestational diabetes and I have a family history of diabetes. I was a bit annoyed to say the least.

Anywho, afterwards I headed down to Portland to meet my friend M for lunch. We had a good time and I was thoroughly entertained by her 18 month old J. He's quite the cutie pie. M and I are both long-time vegetarians that have recently started eating meat (though I have eaten fish for a few years now). It was pretty amusing to us and also a relief for me as wifey would've been giving me the evil stare for ordering a turkey panini. LOL. Mary became vegetarian because of me. Seriously, it was all part of impressing me and now she is a vegetarian monster. Anytime I suggest eating meat she flips and thinks I'm crazy for even suggesting such insanity. But whatever, I'm pregnant and neeeeeed protein!

After lunch, we tooled around the mall for a bit and then parted. Being in Portland, I had to stop at Babies R Us on my way home. I got a cute little outfit and some bibs - one that says "I love my mommy" and one that says "my mom rocks". We've decided on "mommy" for me and "mom" for Mary. "Mama" was considered pre-Cameron but since he called his birth mother "mama", we don't want to use it. Though I'm not sure when we're ever going to make the "mom" and "mommy" transition with Cameron but I know I definitely do not want my kids calling me by my first name.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Where's my Wifey?

Mary has taken the past two days off. Who is this woman and what did she do with my workaholic wife? I mean, the university is on spring break but she still never takes time off like this. I like it.

Cameron's school was closed Monday and yesterday. Mary was off to the coast for research on Monday so I was with the little man ALL day. My energetic *said jokingly* pregnant self was run ragged to say the least.

Yesterday, Mary and I took the little man to play therapy which went surprisingly well. Then we took him to see the Easter bunny. I had seriously low expectations. After all, last year we made two trips to the bunny and in his Santa picture he looked absolutely horrified. But he was very excited to see the bunny and took a great picture. Yay!

I was thinking of him last year and how BIG he is now. Last year, he was just learning to talk. He was into bunnies which he called "money". Every store we were in, he'd be yelling "money! money! money!" Oh what people must have thought.

I had mentioned to his play therapist that I was thinking of getting him a baby doll so he could get used to being gentle with a baby. He's pretty gentle and overall a sweet and loving boy but he is a boy and he is three so he could definitely use some education on how to treat a baby. She thought it was an awesome idea and even thought he could bring the baby doll to some sessions. So we purchased one yesterday. He seems to love "the baby" and of course gets a big kick out of me imitating a cry until he puts the pacifier in the baby's mouth.

Today we took advantage of daycare and dropped him off in the a.m. and went out to breakfast. We did some things around the house and rented a storage unit. This continues our plan of de-cluttering our house. We have a bit of a storage shortage in the house so we don't want that to be SO relevant when they see how much crap we have.

It's been a pretty good if only we could get some better and WARMER weather here.

Monday, March 10, 2008

Name Revealed

I've decided to use C2's real name on the blog - Cameron (we usually refer to him as "Camer" or "Cam"). If I see a problem, I'll code his name again or make it invite only which I'd rather NOT do since then nobody can discover my blog. C1 will now be referred to as HB for half-brother. At least this should stop some of the confusion of mixing up C1 and C2 :-)

The weekend was pretty good. Saturday Mary's mom left. It was a nice visit but I was happy to see her leave :-) Oh, mother-in-laws. She's reading this book New Earth by Ekhart Tolle. I had read Power of Now by the same author after some people I knew became pretty obsessed with it. I didn't like it. I guess I just like my Pema Chodron books for pseudo self-help ;-) Anywho, Mary's mom was OBSESSED with the book and wouldn't stop talking about it. Mary and I were laughing because as soon as she left we were both like, "oh my gosh, I didn't think she'd EVER stop talking about THE BOOK." It was pretty funny.

We had a pretty good weekend. We already moved HB's bed out of the room so I think some of the reality of him not coming back to our house has set in. Camer was pretty thrilled since we're now allowing some toys in his room. I mean, we do have a play room so we're not totally evil. Toys just weren't allowed in the bedroom due to their fighting and also needing that space clear of most things for HB's flip outs.

Of course, I'm sure we wouldn't have been so quick to move HB's bed out on day 1 but we're getting ready to sell our house so are trying to have things more presentable. Pretty much the entire weekend was devoted to cleaning things up and just getting rid of A LOT. We also de-personalized since we've heard that's better for selling your house. It is kind of weird since we generally have a lot of family pictures and stuff out. But whatever's going to sell the house, I'll do!

Lawrence King

A few weeks ago, I had read an article about a 15 year old boy being murdered because he was flamboyantly gay. The boy was also a foster child living in a group home so aside from going through the torment of his family and home life, he had to endure being harassed at school. It is really sad and just another reminder that this country needs to move forward on so many levels.

I recently came across this YouTube video of Ellen talking about this. She has a very good message.

Saturday, March 8, 2008


Thanks everyone for their kind comments. :-)

We'll definitely know how C1's doing which is good. Though for Mary's sake, I wish the adoptive mother wouldn't send her SO many updates. She had already sent 2 emails as of this morning. Kind of crazy considering he's been gone for LESS than 24 hours. Mary definitely needs some separation and time to let go which I don't think can happen if she's bombarded by updates.

Mary already has plans to meet him and his family for lunch next Sunday. The issue of C1 continues to provoke tension between me and Mary as we've been arguing a bit about how frequently she should go see him. She wants to do every week but I suggested every other week. Since they are so far away, it's a day event so I don't want Mary to always be gone 1 out of the 2 days that me & C2 get to spend with her. Plus, I think even every other week is excessive for the long run but I figure she can scale it down.

Needless to say, we are going to wait a little bit to start visits with the boys. Since we think it would be confusing for them to do visits right away. At the same time, we don't want too much time to pass where they don't really remember each other. We'll see, I hope we can find a balance so they can have a healthy relationship and some sort of biological tie. I'm not just not into force feeding them an unhealthy relationship. After all, they've been through the ringer with unnecessary visits.

Anywho, this entire situation gives me anxiety. On one hand, I'd just like to say forget any visits and let the boys make a decision when their older as to if they want to see each other. Plus, things are different for C1 and his adoptive family. They only have him and have no plans for any more children. We have another child on the way that we have to consider in what I think is already a dysfunctional situation. I just want a "normal" family.

Friday, March 7, 2008


C1 has officially left the building. We did breakfast at the train restaurant this morning, some playing at the mall, and then went to his "graduation" at his pre-school. His adoptive family was also there to take him home. I am sad but there is much relief, like I've been pushing a 1,000 pound weight for a year and suddenly I'm free.

I have joked that I was done with C1 the day he threw the time out chair at me - I think that was about a month after he started living with us. However, I tried and tried and tried. Mary and I put our relationship on the back burner to try to save some one's child. But in the end, it was clear that we just weren't going to be able to handle or meet his needs. I wish the best for him and I hope that his adoptive parents can create some positive change in him.

I am sad if not disgusted that birth parents and biological family members are allowed to go on for so long destroying a child. We've witnessed "the system" first hand and at it's worst. There are lots of children out there and there are ways to help even if you don't foster or adopt.

Now begins the next chapter of our life. It's bittersweet.

Thursday, March 6, 2008

End of an Era

Tonight is C1's last night. We had a "blue house party". Our house is blue and he has always referred to it as "the blue house" hence the name of the party. It's the end of an era. Anywho, we did make your own pizza night which the kids LOVE. And we had some cake and I got each of the kids a balloon. Obviously, the focus was on C1 but we're trying not to completely discard C2 in all of this.

I made a scrapbook for C1 of his time here and ALL the things we've done (A LOT). I finally finished it about 2 hours before he got home. I must say I put a lot of effort into it and it's pretty cool. So I am hoping his new family gives him free access to it. I did his bedtime routine (Mary usually does his and I do C2's bedtime) so I included the scrapbook. He was definitely SUPER excited. I was pretty conscious to put mostly pictures that are just of him since I know that's what he likes and I figured that would make him happy to look at it instead of sad to miss us.

It was definitely hard when I went to put him in his bed, I was about to break down. We've been super aware to not cry in front of the kid. We're trying to relay that "his move" is a great and exciting thing so obviously crying would not help his transition. Luckily, I was able to leave the room before I lost it. As much as I've wanted to strangle the kid, my heart goes out to him. I know we're not failing him because he's going to a good home but part of me wishes we had it in us to be his forever family.

40 Degrees...It's a Heat Wave Here ;-)

I went with Mary and her mom over to the coast for lunch today. We had a very nice time. I was happy that I yet again rescheduled my midwife appointment. At this point, I just need to consolidate my 20 and 24 week appointments into one.

There's that little saying that if you don't like the weather in New England, wait a minute...or something like that. Anywho, it was definitely true for yesterday versus today. Yesterday, was disgusting snow and ice and rain with no sun and freezing. Today, it was bright and sunny today and as high as 40 degrees. I know, I never thought I'd be loving 40 degrees but it was oh so nice. Maybe Spring is really approaching :-)

We've decided on a nautical theme for the baby's room so we picked up some cute decor at a little shop in Camden, Maine. I was surprised because Mary was spending like a drunken sailor *no pun intended ;-)*. Usually it's me wanting things for the baby and her saying just wait. Especially since with the move, we're not actually setting up a room until the baby's a few months old.

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Random Bits

Mary's mom *Jayne* arrived yesterday. We got the dish on all the family drama - with 6 kids, her mom always has a lot of gossip. To the outsider, Jayne seems like a laidback southern woman but she is total chaos. It's funny. We had fun though and went out to lunch and then to our mall.

Her and Mary are off for a spa day today. I'm jealous but at least I get some time alone. Yes, I was invited but I didn't see that the spa offered pregnancy massage and I can't enjoy the sauna or anything like that. Being pregnant DEFINITELY has it's disadvantages.

There is less than 3 days of C1. He's annoying me because well, that's what he does. I'm making him a scrapbook of his year here. We've done a lot of crap with the boys. Anywho, I figure if it makes him sad or rather lash out (his version of sadness) at least his family will have some sort of timeline and know the things he did. It reminded me that I really wish we had some pics' and stuff from when C2 was a baby. But my attempts at getting some from his bio family failed.

The snow plows are out again today. Will the snow ever stop here? I feel like this winter is never ending with freezing temps' and way too much snow. At least they are FINALLY fixing our garage door. This is the garage door that has been broken since the plow smashed into it the first time they plowed our driveway - back in December.

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Last Week

This is C1's last week in our home. I was most worried about Mary in this situation but she is dealing with it very well. She has even expressed RELIEF.

He spit in her face last week, also when he had a cold that she was desperately trying to avoid. It's been a while since I've been spit at. Unfortunately, these became the bits of positive thinking with C1 - it's been a while since he's kicked me, spit at me, threw something at me, punched a wall, kicked a door. And I wonder why our patience faded a long time ago.

Needless to say, I'm glad that Mary feels the major de-stress of the house. For a while she seemed bitter like it was all my decision and I was a horrible person. Now, I think she truly agrees with me that our home would not be the best place for him. There's also a major sense of relief for both of us that we held on for an adoptive family and he's not going to be tossed around amongst foster families.

He's going to a good home with people that know his issues. Though I don't think you can truly know his issues by reading a file or even talking to us, you have to experience them. But they still seem prepared and are definitely more aware than we ever were. He's going to be their "baby", something I don't think he's ever gotten to truly be which I think a major part of his issues come from. We so desperately wanted to help this child and I think we did, we gave him a stable home for a year and in the end, we pushed for a home that was right for him.

Monday, March 3, 2008

Weekend Get Away

We had a nice weekend get away. Mary is doing a study that involves going out on the water so she was already going to be on the coast on Friday. The plan was for me and C2 to meet her at the resort. I decided my prime traveling time would be during C2's nap so I ended up rescheduling my midwife appointment. This was definitely the way to go - five minutes into the ride he was sleeping and he woke up about 15 minutes before we arrived which was perrrrrrfect. Seriously, I couldn't have planned it any better :-) We arrived at the resort which was a total madhouse due to a conference which Mary was going to attend some of.

Mary got there a few hours after we did and we headed to dinner. The boys are probably the best behaved children at restaurants. People are usually shocked but in the beginning we left many restaurants because of bad behaviors. We pretty much do this with everything, I have vowed not only to NOT be the parent with the flipping out child in public but NOT be the parent making empty threats like, "we're going to leave here". So they get one warning and then we leave. After that happened a few times at various places, they took us seriously. But anyways, just having one in tow was GREAT and since C2 has also seriously gotten into coloring, there's something to do while waiting for food.

Saturday we woke up to see a pretty major snow storm and our ocean view blocked by fog and snow. Oh, it's March in Maine. Mary did some of the conference stuff, luckily not too much and in between, she gave me a break by taking C2 to the pool. Since it was still pretty nasty out, we decided to stay in the resort for dinner. Unfortunately, with the conference everything was pretty crazy so I opted for room service :-) I'm the "cook" in the house so I definitely enjoy times when I don't have to.

Sunday we went to a cute little bagel place and then had a nice Sunday drive to a lighthouse. I wasn't super impressed with the lighthouse and it was sooooooo windy and cold, we jumped out of the car, took a pic and jumped back into the car.

(pretty but somewhat pathetic lighthouse)

Since the weather was SO cold, we couldn't do much outside of the resort and well, I was starting to freak about everything I was going to have to do today. Mary's mom is coming in tomorrow so I've been trying to get the house in order. I kind of felt like we should just go home instead of staying another night.

I felt bad even suggesting leaving a day early but then Mary was like hell yeah, we won't have to pay the night. LOL. So it all worked out, we headed home and had a lazy afternoon at home. All in all a good weekend and it's nice to be settling in with C2 as our son. :-)

(just outside our room)