A Lesson in Foster Care

We finally set up the weekend respite for C1. Thank goodness! I already feel a huge weight lifted off of us. The weekends are when things get crazy since the boys have so much interaction then. So he'll be going to the same respite provider we've used twice from Friday - Sunday and possibly next weekend. This is also a bonus because I was dreading the 4 day weekend with Thanksgiving.

Of course when Mary finally got in touch with the caseworker, she had been trying to reach her since last Monday, she was all, "so you want him moved". Geesh, this was not what we were trying to say at all. We're like, "we just want respite for the weekends to see how the boys do apart". We had also already gone over this with the therapist, the respite provider, and guardian ad litem who all agreed it was a good idea. Unfortunately, nothing can be done until the caseworker approves it. Luckily, Mary seemed to set her straight on what we were really trying to do. As much as we're at our limit with C1, we can deal with him during the week and moving him so suddenly would definitely mess with his psyche. Nonetheless, caseworkers are crazy.

We also were informed that bio mother is definitely taking the termination case to court. The guardian ad litem had told us a few months ago that it's very rare these things go to trial. Apparently, most people sign their rights away before hand because if they have children later there is more of a chance of keeping those if you have voluntarily signed your rights away opposed to having them revoked in a court. Of course, the bio mom has been informed by everyone including her own lawyer that she doesn't have a chance of winning but she is selfish and would rather draw things out in court. The great-grandmother is also still suing for visitation. With TPR just around the corner I'm not sure what she's thinking since open adoptions are not possible in Maine. Of course, we get the craziest placement.

We also found out that after the trial, the judge has 30 days to make a decision. Obviously, we hope this is a much quicker decision. We feel like we're in limbo with the holidays and random things coming up. Will we have both boys by Christmas? Just one? None? I guess one thing we've learned through this process, planning anything with foster children is not really possible.

OBs & Respite

The medical process is quite strange in Maine. I was hoping that finding an OB/GYN or midwife would be easier than the months it took to obtain a PCP when we first moved here. Unfortunately, it seems it's mostly the same process. At least they're not sending me an "application" like I had for getting a PCP. They just took a slew of information and will see if I'm accepted. Kind of crazy. I think it's that the system in Maine is inundated with people on public service.

I gave the information for an OB and the midwife that my dr recommended. Unfortunately, she won't be in until Thursday so I'll wait it out. In a pregnancy book I have, it recommends having consultations with multiple providers. I don't think that's going to be possible around here so hopefully she "accepts" me and I like her.

In other news, the boys are going to respite tomorrow night until Monday morning.
I must say Hallelujah!!!! LOL. We are in serious need of a break and I knew I couldn't handle time by myself with them. Mary will be away from Wed-Sat....it seems like she was just away.

I get so jealous when I talk to my mom and hear that lil' Seamus (my nephew) is sleeping over. He sleeps over at least once/week. I wish I had that! Plus, he is a 3 year old that lets his parents sleep in. If only!

Anywho, the boys are staying with the crazy that I've previously mentioned. Not our first choice but whatever, we'll take what we can get at this point. It seems weird though because she has a current placement (plus 2 children of her own). They live in a "double wide" so I'm not sure where she's going to fit the boys. She also said she can't take them until 7:30 p.m. and she needed us (us being me since Mary is leaving at noon) to bring them there. Taken, I'm glad they'll be gone, but I hate driving in the night & it's an hour north in the middle of no where. Hopefully I don't hit a moose.

sometimes we're not super star foster parents

Mary stayed home today so I got out of the dreaded deed of picking up the boys from their bio mom visit.

When she got home, she told me they had dressed up for Halloween there. Apparently, C2 dressed up as a princess. I asked Mary, "What was C1?" and she said, "probably mad that C2 took the princess outfit". LOL!

Of course, visit day is not all full of laughs. Each time, their mother proudly exclaims how much sugary products they consumed in a 3 hour span. Today, she listed off brownies (I'm sure the ones you get a in a wrapper that have that weird frosting on them since she's tried to send them home with them before), pudding, and donuts.

We do serious things all week avoiding sugary foods and processed junk in general. It's not only not healthy but they get crazy on sugar. It actually fuels some of C1's neurotic behaviors. Of course, the boys occasionally get a treat (in moderation) but it's usually home made or the occasional munchkin from Dunkins'.

Even last night, the Great Pumpkin came and took all the Halloween candy and left prizes - more cars & a race track for their cars. But of course, all our efforts are negated every Thursday.

Mary was giving C1 his afternoon snack of carrots & string cheese. He said, "I want pudding and donuts like mama gives me!". Mary kind of lost it and started telling him how bad those things are for you and that in our house, we eat food that's good for you. Then realized she crossed since he nearly started crying. Oh, it's a long & difficult road we travel.

I also pulled a bad foster parent move when this morning, C1 kept saying "we're going to check to see if mama's there". After about the 5th time, I said, "o.k., sweetie, I don't want to talk about mama". As soon as I said it, I realized it was not a very nice thing to say. I mostly just didn't want him to repeat the same thing over and over. But needless to say, as much as I want to rip the women's head off, to the boys, she's "mama", the good one...that doesn't discipline & brings them sugary products if she shows up once/week. Oy.

The day that FINALLY ended

I felt like my day was never going to end yesterday. Mary ended up going into work for the afternoon. She left, I did some major cleaning in the house and then decided to lay down for a nap. Well, about 15 minutes later, I hear the dogs barking and the garage opening. I'm like, please tell me, it's just Mary coming home sick. Nope, it's Mary, C1, and C2.

Apparently, C1 was acting so bad at quiet time they called Mary to come get him. We had this issue a few months ago and to solve it Mary would have the school call her. She would bring him home and he'd be in his room for the afternoon.

Well, it solved the problem for a little while but like all of C1's bad behaviors, it cycles through yet again. I swear it is never ending with this kid. Why is it so difficult to behave?

Needless to say, Mary worked from home while I watched C2. She brought him home so we wouldn't have to go back for him. C2 is not normally difficult to watch but I was so tired so was kind of ticked off about the situation and the boy would just not leave me alone.

This morning, I talked to C1 about behaving today. About 15 minutes later, he slammed C2 in the head with a toy. Lovely.

Oh well, I am off to the grocery store. Some how we have managed to go through 2 loafs of bread in under a week. If we adopt the boys, we're going to need some stipend to afford food for them as teenagers.