Thursday, December 27, 2007

Negativity & Complaining

Oh, this week, have I mentioned that it sucks? Mary continues to be sick. The kids cough all night and barely seem to sleep. Then their up at the crack of down per usual and per usual immediately hyperactive. I have been disinfecting everything in an OCD manner and sleeping downstairs (because of Mary's sickness and snoring that comes with it).

I seriously value my alone time so I feel like I'm ready to break. I was also hoping to alternate on who got up with the kids this week. But since Mary's been sick it's been me. This includes letting the dog out, changing diapers that have about 10 pounds of pee (it's like they've been drinking water all night), and holding back my vomiting. I'm also probably the most NON-morning person ever.

Mary and I have also been butting heads on the adoption decision. I had actually thought we were on the same wave length for a while. I had finally made up my mind that I just cannot adopt both boys. C1's issues and the future of them are too unknown for me to handle. Well, Mary seemed to get on board but now she seems to be freaking out. I'm not sure if she was holding out hope that we would at least adopt C2 or what. But now it looks like they'll keep the boys together.

She is constantly making comments now of "if we do this, can we adopt the boys?" as to moving and what-not. Ummm, no. This decision was very hard for me to come to. But I'd like to think that a perfect adoptive home will be found for them and that they are still young and can adjust. I'm so overwhelmed with them, I cannot even imagine adding a baby to the situation so it definitely wouldn't be a good thing if I just succumb to guilt and adopt them.

I would like to believe we've done a great thing. If anything, they've improved immensely since they've been here. Unfortunately, C1's issues have nothing to do with us but were only caused by his biological family.

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