Friday, December 28, 2007

What's in a Name? A LOT!

So Mary and I have never agreed on names for children. I have very specific things with names - I don't do unisex names, I don't do any names that can be turned into a gay insult *after all the kid is going to have 2 moms*, I also want a unique name but not a weird name and I want it to be spelled normal (there seems to be a new trend to spell things all f*ct up - just so your kid's name can be misspelled for the rest of their life).

Needless to say pre-pregnancy Mary and I finally agreed that she would name the baby if it was a boy and I would name the baby if it was a girl. After all, she seems to be more into boy names while I'm more into girl names. I also planned on using Mary's middle name as the girl's middle name. I thought this would be nice since her and both her sisters share the same middle name so we'd pass it on to our daughter.

Now that I'm pregnant, she's feeling left out as the non-bio parent so she has requested full naming rights. This is not something I want to do. Aside from Mary coming up with some totally crazy names, I thought the original agreement was fair. We both have a 50/50 chance and if you don't get to name this baby, you get to name the next. I also suggested that we should give the other our top 3 names and they pick out of them. That way it's sort of decided together. She doesn't want this - she just wants total naming rights. She also keeps suggesting that a girl should be Mary Jr. This is yet another thing I hate in naming - Juniors! And who does a Jr. girl?

My nephew didn't have a name for the first 2 days of his life. They kept coming up with all these names and then they named him Seamus Jr. after his dad (my bro). *that's "Shay-mus" for those of you that aren't Irish* Now, he's 3 1/2 and everyone in my family still refers to him as "the baby". Maybe if he had his own name, everyone could call him that without confusion.

I feel like this is coming way out of left field and I never expected it from Mary. So maybe it's just a phase and she'll grow out of it. In other news, I just ate 3 pickles. I am seriously pregnant.

*Note: Any of you who popped over from Rainbow Conceptions are probably like "shut up already about the name". LOL ;-) *


GoodyRachel said...

Just my $.02:

I can't believe Mary wants sole naming rights -- I don't think either parent should have sole naming rights. You need to find a name you both like, as impossible as that might seem! You're going to be saying that name a zillion times for the rest of your life!

If she's feeling left out as the non-bio parent, that's important, but needs to be addressed in another way. Using this decision as a stand-in for all her non-bio-parent issues could end up being... difficult.

Having said that, a) I think "Mary" is an absolutely lovely name, and it's almost unusual in this benighted age of Kaelynns and MacKynzees b) I don't think being a junior does any harm. Also, my best friend calls her kid "Baby" even though he has a name all his own.

How about, instead of Mary Mary'sMiddleName, you do Mary UniqueMiddleName? That way she's not a junior... and of course there are lots of great Mary nicknames, like Molly, Polly, Mimi, Mamie, May... of course if you just don't like it you just don't like it, but *I* happen to like it so that's all that counts, right? :D :D

Best of luck on this thorny issue.

Trace said...

We've played the name game for a while now (& still don't have one). I happen to agree w/you as far as the weird spellings go. I can see how you wouldn't want a name that people would look at oddly. Seamus is the name we alrays joke about and my husband is very irish. We laugh and say a girl will be called Seamus-ita.

As for Mary, maybe w/time she'll mellow out? I guess the non-bio person tends to feel left out no matter what. I know my husband doesn't want our child to's like he thinks the child won't have respect for him because he's not producing sperm (?). Pretty irrational I know, but they're his feelings.

Lannette said...

Tough one, and I agree with all that's been said. On one hand I can feel Mary's "empty uterus" pain and I do wonder if the pain isn't sharper when you know that you could be the one carrying the child - except - you arent.

On the other hand I believe it's important for both parents to feel comfortable with their child's name.

I hope you'll both be able to come to a happy compromise. If you both come up with lists of favorites it could be that you'll find a happy common ground to work from. It's been many years since I've had the need to look at baby names but I believe that there are quite a few variations of Mary.

I was so busy with family stuff that I missed wishing you a Merry Christmas so I'm making my way in here early to wish you a Happy New Year.

Candice said...

Well, we sat down the other night and went through names. The more I thought about it, I felt we should both agree upon a name. If it that meant me giving up my 1st
choice for a girl name.

Mary is still dead set on naming the baby Mary. If we do that though, we'll call the child by her middle name. As much as I love Mary and think her name is pretty, I don't want the confusion of 2 Marys.