Tuesday, October 16, 2007

What's in a donor?

Well, it's that time again - the time to order sperm. One thing about doing shipping every month is that we tend to change our donor since our "perfect" first donor that we took SO long to decide is of course gone (over a year later). I've definitely seen our requirements fade away. It used to be tall, blonde, blue eyes, average weight, CMV negative, & a cute picture of them as a baby. Now the only real requirement is the blue (or green) eyes & CMV neg.

I'm trying to convince Mary to go with "my donor" instead of hers. I think the only good thing about not being prego this month was my fear of the donor we used. The staff described him as being "very attractive" but his facial profile showed him to have a large forehead and very large ears. On the other hand "my donor" has an adorable baby pic (well, more of a 3 yr old pic but still extremely cute) and a well-proportioned face.

The scary thing is seeing other people's baby who look exactly like one of the parents. My friend Connie's baby looks just like his dad Scot. Of course, this a good thing for Connie, Scot is cute and made a cute baby. She also knew what he looked like before making a baby with him. When choosing a sperm donor, it's kind of a crap shoot. I don't want my kid to look like some random guy that potentially looks nothing like me.

Mary's all about the blonde hair thing but blonde/blue eyed sperm donors go quick so we are pretty much left with last month's donor that has no baby pic available. Guys that sound great, I've ordered baby pics only to find some scary babies. I mean who wasn't cute as a baby? Apparently, guys that are donating sperm.

Mary is crazy about the blonde hair thing. Her family all had this crazy white blonde hair when they were young, as do all our nephews and nieces on that side. We refer to them as "children of the corn kids". But now, Mary has brown hair as do all but 2 out of 6 siblings (one is a redhead and I think the other is bottle blonde). And I have dark hair (though sometimes bleach finds it's way to my head) so what's wrong with having a dark haired child?

Oh well, this is turning into rambling. Of course, outside of my shallowness, I really just want good swimmers because either way I'm going to think my baby is the most adorable in the world. So we should not go with last month's donor since he didn't get me prego. It's settled - thanks! ;-)


Trace said...

It's a hard decision! I ultimately let my husband make the choice (I had veto power), but the only thing I cared about was medical history. I didn't want ANY autoimmune diseases. It was so weird, I kept reminding him about recessive genes, but we tried to select someone w/similar physical charactistics as him, very fair, brown hair, blue eyes, 5'8"-6', approximate weight, etc. We did select someone w/dimples and a cleft in his chin which I have. He also has corrective lenses (glasses) which I have. The no CMV was important to me also. I don't know why exactly, I just thought it would be a bad idea w/my health issues. Sweetness (my husbands blog pseudonym)wanted someone smart.

Overall, I didn't really care if he looked like us, but I'm not worried about anyone knowing. My husband on the other hand doesn't want the whole world to wonder. Even though we've had fertility problems for the past 5 years or so, pursued adoption, and I show up pregnant? I think people may wonder, and if they do say something we'll just say that we saw a lot of specialists ;-).

Good luck w/your search and enjoy the visit with your mom!

Candice said...

That's funny about the dimples - I originally had that requirment too!

Ours was originally a 6' minimum though the donor I just ordered is under that.

I am tall for a girl - 5'10" and both my brothers are well over 6' so hopefully my genes will cancel out the donors on that. ;-)

We were told to go with CMV negative when we originally started this process since I am CMV neg. There is a 1-3% that a child could have a birth defect if I use a pos. Not a major risk but something I'm not willing to take a chance on - unfort, it majorly limited our donor selection.

Out of curiosity, what bank are you going with? *of course some people like to keep this info private which I respect* I am thinking about switching after this cycle if I'm unsucessful.

Trace said...

We went w/California Cryobank. We looked at Xytec, Fairfax, and the N.E. Cryobank (our clinic recommendations). I liked the NE one, but they didn't have any donors who interested me. For some reason Xytec and Fairfax turned me off. Not any reason, just a vibe.

My understanding is that on average it takes 6 months to get pregnant using DI. Although, of the DI blogs that I follow (women w/no fertility issues so IVF was not necessary) 2 got pregnant on the first try and the other got pregnant after 5 months. And the 5 month girl had 1 blocked fallopian tube. I know it sounds weird, but I found that sort of reassuring...people do get pregnant using donor sperm.

I don't know anyone in real life who chose DI, I even asked the fertility counselor we had to make an appointment with to do the procedure if she knew of any support groups or anything...Nope. It's a lonely DI would out there so hooray blogosphere!!

Candice said...

We also use Calif. Originally I wanted to use Scandinavian Cryobank (we didn't because the orginal place we went through wouldn't sign off on them) and now I'm thinking of using Fairfax. On some donors, they have adult pics' available which is appealing.

Funny, your donor's stats sound similar to mine - maybe it's the same!

In my area, there aren't any support groups either. When we started the process when we lived in Boston, there was a few.

I have also used the internet to connect with others. Mary thinks I'm crazy but whatever, it's nice to "meet" people going through similar situations.