Monday, October 22, 2007

major VENT (this is LONG)

Mary & I had some fight last night about her sister Jill's wedding (that's going to be in Florida). Her sister was planning on getting married, she's been engaged on and off to the same guy. She said the plan was to get married sometime in Spring 2008. We kept asking her about it because I was worried she was going to pull some last minute wedding and that's exactly what she did. The wedding is now at the beginning of December. It's also on her and her mom's property which is kind of lame - I was hoping for the resort that was originally mentioned.

Mary has been pressuring me on making a decision on whether or not to bring the boys on the trip. I do NOT want to. Last time we brought them down, taken they had only lived with us for a few months at the time, it was total hell. Traveling with 2 kids (that don't usually listen) sucked, C2 got sick (as he always does but we actually had to bring him to an emergency clinic), it was no vacation for me since I was cooking and cleaning most of the time, we were cramped in a 2 bedroom place and as usual I was about to kill C1. The only fun thing was bringing them to Disney but that cost us an arm & leg.

We stayed at her mother's place while her mother stayed in the efficiency that's attached to Jill's place. Her mom wasn't exactly cooperative and her family kept complaining that we have such a strict schedule with the boy's naps and bedtime.

Needless to say, it sucked so it isn't something I'm looking forward to doing again. Especially when we're going down for a wedding that the boys shouldn't attend and Mary's in it so I'll be stuck watching them while she's doing wedding stuff. We had a babysitter available for our wedding since we didn't allow kids, Jill claims she's doing the same thing but I think it's unlikely. Almost everyone attending our wedding was from out of town, everyone attending Jill's lives in the same town the wedding is so I think a babysitter is going to be the last thing on her mind.

Mary of course has spun it - if we bring the boys we'll fly direct, stay a week, and rent a place. If we don't, we'll have to connect, we can only stay a few days since "we can't" put the kids in respite, and we'll stay with her family. Obviously, she knows I'd do anything to get down to Florida in December. BUT at this point, I don't even want to go. I plan on being pregnant so I probably won't want to fly and if we're only going for a few days and connecting, what's the point? Maybe I'm being dramatic but I was seriously MISERABLE on the last trip. And I really don't know why we need to decide right now, we can always get air tickets last minute. I also told her it was not going to be a good idea for us to fly down so close to the wedding since December snow could delay the trip.

The part that pissed me off the most was earlier in the night I was telling her how I need the next 2 weeks to be virtually stress free. So whatever she can do to help that, please do. One thing I stressed was not wanting to talk about the boys because that is the major stressor in my life and then a while later she brings the wedding up after letting me know she'd be out for a mentor training tonight. This is something she signed up for when we first started the foster process since she really wanted to do something with older foster kids and I refused to have them live in my house.

A few weeks ago when she was getting things set for the mentor thing, I mentioned to her it probably wasn't the best time since we are so overwhelmed with the boys and where was she going to fit in time to spend with some teenage foster kid??? Apparently, that didn't sink in since she's still doing it no matter what. She is also a bundle of stress with her work obligations and the boys so I'm not sure what this is going to do to her.


Trace said...

I can see how you're feeling stressed. If it was me, I don't think I would be excited to go on a trip where I would be stuck doing all the scut work. Actually that is one of my fears about becoming a SAHM (not that I'm a big career person or anything).

Do you have anyone who can help you? Any close friends, or some sort of support network? Is your wife from FL? In other words does she have any friends in the area who would be willing to help w/babysitting? Or, if you stayed in a hotel maybe they offer a babysitting service?

You don't have the option of using respite care? Or you just aren't comfortable w/it? It sounds like the boys have really bonded w/you guys so would it be hard on them if you were away from them for a long time (would this be a long weekend or what)?

On the other hand, it the boys didn't come w/you guys, it would definitely be more fun and sort of mini-vacation. I always find weddings fun because I like to dress up for Sweetness (last one a thong, WooHoo), and they're so romantic because I realize how lucky I am (and hey, they're open bar).

Your meditation idea is a good one. I notice you do yoga, that always seems to help. As a matter of fact I'm going today during my lunch hour.

Candice said...

That's exactly, I was kind of hoping for more a vacation w/out the kids.

Mary can be helpful but I've definitely become the caretaker of the house. She said she'll do more of the cooking & cleaning when we're away this time but then I'll feel lazy or she'll be stressed. I just think she'll be busy with wedding stuff too.

She's also kind of lax with the kids in social situations. She'll just get into a conversation while I'm stressing over the kids.

Last time, we were at her dad's for a party and we told C1 to stay away from the pool a million times. He finally fell in and Mary had to jump in to save him (clothes and all). He was chocking and scared but went right back to the pool area. OY. The kid never learns.

Mary mentioned that she might know somebody to babysit. She's from there but hasn't lived there for quite some time so doesn't have many friends there. She'll probably mention an ex-girlfriend watching them and I'll lose it. LOL.

As for respite, we've had some weird experiences and we have to deal with the boys freaking out and coming back with strange behaviors.

We're also trying to put them into respite for about 4 days in November. Since Mary's going to be away for 2 and then the weekend is right after. We could use a weekend ALONE. So she thinks it's too much to ask for December respite too.

Oh well, hopefully we'll figure out something!