My Life with a Leprechaun

C1's adoptive family picked him up today - well, the dad did. They originally tried to call in sick to parenting. Sorry, that's not something you can do. The mom said she caught whatever sickness C1 had and was out of commission all week. I was surprised since C1 just had a nasty cold, maybe she got something else. Anywho, he'll be with them until Monday.

I had C2 home with me today. I feel exhausted. We attempted to go see Alvin and The Chipmunks but some how I got the time wrong - I believe this is due to what I'm calling pregnancy brain. Basically, when you're pregnant you become slow in the brain. My life is a mess of post-its and random lists. Anywho, being about 40 minutes early for a movie with a 3-yr old is not possible. So instead we rented a movie and made popcorn at home. I knew that popcorn was the only real thing he was excited about anyways. LOL. We also went to "the red store" for some new rain boots. He's obsessed with hats so he picked out an Irish one for St. Patty's. Of course, this is how he walked around for the rest of the day.


Kids are crazy. I've learned not to argue so he was allowed to wear his crazy hat into Blockbuster.

We're taking a mini-vacation this weekend starting late tomorrow until Monday. I had planned on doing all these things around the house this weekend (or rather having Mary do all these things around the house this weekend :-)) But I definitely jumped on the opportunity to go away for the weekend and not have to cook and clean :-) It will be our first little trip with just the 3 of us. We're staying at a resort on the coast. We could never afford this place in peak season and it will be nice to have some time with C2. I've been trying to be very conscious about spending a lot of time with him to ease all the changes that are going to happen soon.

I attempted to explain some things to him about how C1 will be living somewhere else. I told him that we would still visit him but he wouldn't live with us. His only response was, "I want to visit Nana Patty". C2 isn't the sharpest tool in the shed to begin with and I think this is something that would be hard for any 3-yr old to understand. So I think at this point, he won't understand until C1 has actually moved out and is gone for a while.

Misc Stuff

My poor mom - yet again she had issues with her flights yesterday. She was supposed to get to Ohio at 5:30 p.m., instead it was 12:30 a.m. At least she was here for the ultrasound but I still feel bad for her. Then my a**hole brother is all, "why did you book her on US Air? They suck". Umm, there was weather issues, it really had nothing to do with the airline. He's such a dick and his only concern was my mom watching his kid today. I just hope my son doesn't get any genetics from either of my brothers.

In other news, my lower back feels totally f*ct for lack of a better term. It feels like I'm not going to be walking by the end of the day. I'm sure making the 5 hour round trip to the airport didn't help. I'm thinking it's from pregnancy since I seem to be in some sort of growth spurt where my hips are separating from the rest of my body. And I've been trying to sleep on my side, I am so not a side sleeper. Maybe I should've practiced this before getting pregnant. I bought one of those body pillows to see if it will help. Mary is jealous of body pillow. I'm hesitant to buy one of those expensive prego pillows but I just may have to if this doesn't work. I tried to buy some Icy Hot or Ben Gay last night but I'm not sure what I can take, everything said consult a physician if you're preggers. Luckily, I have an appointment on Friday but I may not be able to wait that long. Girl needs some relief.

The caseworker came by last night so we could sign even more paperwork, apparently this transfers us over as adoptive parents to C2. I didn't think this would happen until we legally finalized an adoption but apparently it's the end of the month so they wanted to make sure they cut us off from any foster benefits. Too funny, I've never seen the caseworker do anything timely before. We signed but now need to check if he can even go on our health insurance. We don't think he can until he's actually adopted. On that aspect, we finalized our paperwork earlier in the week so now it's up to somebody to give us the go ahead. We also have to do some fingerprint background check but can't do it until our paperwork is approved. I thought this was weird since we had a background check when we became foster parents but I guess it didn't involve fingerprints. Oh well, it's a confusing process that I hope is over soon.

It's a Yogi *boy*!

I should've known since it's been 28 years since a girl was born in my family but I was still holding out hope. But it's definitely a boy! I'm excited to know. Even though I was definitely hoping for a girl, I'll definitely be happy with a healthy baby boy. He was measuring just right with a good heart beat and all, that's what I was most looking to hear from the ultrasound. And Mary was wishing for a boy so she is thrilled especially since she also gets naming rights to a boy.

Here he is, penis and all ;-)


my boy!


he is well endowed - ha!


He kept putting his hand by his face which I thought was adorable!


The 4-D is definitely freaky

Well, apparently blue is my signature color...I've always said pink. ;-) I'm off to bring my mom to the airport and go to Babies R Us to purchase lots of blue things for my baby boy :-)

Ultrasound TOMORROW *eeeeeks*

C2 has been so cute and smiley since we got home. He keeps saying "I am so happy that you guys are home". He's such a sweet pea. Me and my mom took him to the pool today. Mary was getting C1 and then they had a few hours in the house until we got home. This was in hopes of creating a smoother transition. Of course, C1 was whiney and combative when we got home but so far we've avoided any major flip outs.

It sounds like the adoptive family did well with him. They were definitely overwhelmed but I don't think it's anything for me to worry about. He also came down with a cold there. Welcome to parenting a young child, they're always sick! Lucky for them, C1 has a pretty good immune system and even when he gets sick he's better in a few days. As in most everything, he is opposite of C2 who is sick most of the time and doesn't get over illness quickly.

He will most likely go with them from Thurs-Mon this week and supposively they're going to pick him up from school on Thurs and drop him off at school on Mon. That definitely makes things easier for us. I'm definitley glad I got the transition time reduced because it's a lot of driving since they live almost 4 hours away.

Plus, from my chat with them last week they were also glad to do a shorter transition. I don't think they're into the idea of sharing him with somebody else. They have been trying to have a child for 11 years so they are definitely eager to be parents and not share that duty with anyone. I'm so glad this family was found because I think it's going to be totally perfect for C1.

In other news, tomorrow afternoon is my ultrasound - yay!!!! I can NOT wait to find out if it's a boy or girl. :-)

A Day in D.C.

My one day in D.C. I did quite a bit. First, I enjoyed room service for breakfast :-) Oh, life is good. Then I headed over to the National Gallery of Art. I took a taxi over since I had no idea where I was going. Taxis are strange in D.C., there's no meter. It seems totally random as to what they charge you and the distance I went definitely wasn't worth the price. I later figured out they go by zones. Oh well. Anywho, the Nat'l Gallery was pretty confusing as in hard to navigate. Cool thing - it's free! So I spent some time and saw some cool art and some not so cool art and couldn't find some things I wanted to see.


This is me taking a pic of myself - pathetic...note my new hair (Mary had a slight panic attack to see that I had it chopped)

Then I walked over to one of the Smithsonians (I'm clueless and didn't know there was multiple ones until Mary clued me in) - Natural History. There were A LOT of kids there so for a minute I was sad not to have my C2 with me. Then I saw two little rugrats throwing tantrums and again felt relief to be kid free. The Hope Diamond is there and there was a cool butterfly exhibit. The Smithsonian is also free *sweet* but I paid to get into the butterfly exhibit. It was worth it, there was definitely lots of cool butterflies.


Me attempting to compare my diamond to the Hope Diamond ;-)


one of the many cool butterflies

Afterwards, I made my way back to the hotel stopping for lunch and at H&M. We drove by H&M on our way to the hotel when we were arriving and I mentioned I was going to shop the next day then I said, "though I guess they won't have maternity clothes". Well, they do! However, Mary told me not to shop so I controlled my urge. Hmph! :-\

I was pretty proud of myself since I don't know D.C. at all (the last time I was there, I was about 7 or 8) and managed to navigate pretty well on my own, only with a map from the Nat'l Gallery that showed the streets around it. Of course, it would've been nice if Mary was with me but it was still a nice alone day. In the evening, Mary and I walked over to the White House and then had a casual dinner.



Then we were off early in the morning. Luckily, on the flight back a very nice man agreed to switch seats with Mary so we could sit together. The flight was pretty quick and I wasn't as scared as I usually am but managed to get sick. Oh, lovely. Flying into Boston, we had a 4.5 hour drive home but we were happy to be greeted by a very excited C2 who my mom said had been looking out the window for the past 1/2 hour when I called to say we were almost there. And of course he was even more happy to see that I got him yet another stuffed animal to add to his collection. At this point, the boy can barely fit in his bed with the number of animals he shares it with. He's a funny little guy.

Since we've had the boys, any time we take a trip on our own, it's total chaos - picking up the dog, getting the boys, and returning a rental car. This time, C2 and the dog were already here and we have the rental car until Tuesday. Unfortunately, Mary had to leave early this morning to pick up C1. It sounds like the adoptive family was pretty overwhelmed with him and they decided it would be best not to take him to church this week (the mom is a minister). I just hope they aren't getting second thoughts after experiencing the realities of C1.

Blogging from the Nation's Capital

Well, I'm here in D.C. After a crappy flight, I was extremely happy to find we were staying in a fabulous hotel. I told Mary that any hotel that has little L'Occitane products for their hotel's shampoo, etc. is for me :-) Hehehe.

Yesterday was my birthday. It didn't feel very birthday like but I did have a nice day. In the morning, we went over to see some rentals that the university's rental agency offers. Thank goodness, Mary agreed with me that the first one was OUT of consideration. Taken, the rent is cheap for the area, it was not only disgusting and without a dishwasher (with 2 kids, I'm not living without a dishwasher) but also one of the three bedrooms was on a separate floor. We definitely need the kids on the same floor as us. Of course, people make what I consider crazy suggestions of having C2 share a room with the baby or for the baby to be in our room. We do plan on having the baby in our room for a couple of months but we're definitely not co-sleeping kind of people.

Anywho, the second place was a single family house. It definitely has the space we need and is actually bigger than our current home but it had some draw backs. It's old which includes some really cool features and character BUT it definitely needs updates in many areas of the house. And as renters, we're not going to be updating anything. The rent we could afford but it is high and I'm scared with such a big and old house that we're going to get killed on the utility bills. And with the high rent and utilities, we wouldn't be able to save much to purchase a home in a few years which was the original plan. But we'll see, Mary's obsessed with it and definitely wants to rent it. It's also available now so we have to see if they'll hold it for us.

After the rental search, Mary had meetings so I planned an afternoon of pampering. I got my hair cut, my eye brows waxed and much to Mary's dismay, I did get a manicure and pedicure. Of course, the nail salon had absolutely no other customers when I showed up and by the time I was leaving was packed. Luckily, somebody didn't start getting those yucky acrylic nails until right before I was leaving. Mary also freaks out about bacteria in places like that but it's a place I've had my nails done countless times and is very clean. I was happy to have some maintenance done :-)

We headed to the airport early and had dinner there before our flight. Eating an actual meal right before flying was not the best idea but I made it through without throwing up on the guy next to me. Yes, the guy next to me, since my ticket was booked after Mary's, we weren't able to sit together :-\ That part kind of sucked but later we decided it was better since as anxious flyers we couldn't feed off of each other.

Oh well, I'm off to explore and hit a museum or two. Mary's in meetings until about 5:00, I have my fingers crossed that she'll get out a little bit early and can see a few sights with me. The weather said it was going to snow here which I actually prefer to the rain that's happening right now. C'est la vie.

Ready to GO

We're off later today. My mom will watch C2 while we're away. It's a double bonus since we don't have to kennel Chloe. She's also been a lot of help this week and I always have fun hanging out with her. Yes, I admit, I'm a momma's girl.

Mary's mom (Jayne) comes up in a few weeks too. Jayne is usually total chaos but I'm actually looking forward to her visit. It's during Mary's "spring break" which she told me she'd take time off - I knew that would not happen. But now that her mom is going to be in town, she has to :-) Jayne was talking about bringing Georgia back up with her - she's now a "snow bird" dog since she's spending the winter in Florida. Of course Georgia has bitten a few people since she's been down there - oh, crazy Georgie. I'm hoping she'll give us a few more months since it's still too cold for Georgia up here.

I'm going to be a lady of leisure on my birthday tomorrow. I was trying to figure out something to do between the time we check out of the hotel and our flight - Mary's set up meetings in Boston of course. So I'm having my hair, nails, and eye brows done. Mary doesn't want me to get my nails done while I'm pregnant but I am in serious need of a mani/pedi. I'm already not dying my hair, am I just supposed to go to crap while I'm pregnant? ;-) Plus, I told her how me and my friend Melissa were constantly going for pedicures while she was pregnant and she has a perfectly normal baby. Anywho, I told her that if the place reeked of chemicals, I'd just get my brows waxed and leave. When we were in Florida - I went, noted that it reeked of chemicals and had no ventilation so I left. It's winter in Boston so I'm thinking it won't be crowded with lots of people getting their nails done.

Random Thoughts

For the most part, being pregnant just sucks and I'm in such a weird stage. I can't wear my normal clothes but then prego clothes are too big for me. My hormones are out of control so one minute I'm sweet and nice Candice then the next minute I'm don't talk to me Candice. This could all be cured with a glass of wine which I CAN'T have. And let's not even talk about the weird pains going on in my belly and heartburn.

Tomorrow, C1's adoptive family is going to come to the house to pick him up but not until 5:00. I feel bad but after they drive about 3.5 hours, I'm basically going to show them the house and send them on their way. I thought we should just meet them half way since we are already going south but they wanted to see where C1 lives.

We are heading to Boston after they leave so I'd like to get there before midnight. We'll stay the night and then Thursday (which is my birthday) we'll look at some faculty housing that we're considering and then we fly to D.C. It's going to be crazy but then again, what in our lives isn't crazy right now? We used to have such a peaceful life.

I ordered some children's books about adoption for C2. I thought it would help us explain things to him. Unfortunately, all the books talk about babies and getting adopted as a baby. I mean, if I could find a book about lesbians adopting a 3 year old it would be perfect but I don't think that's going to happen. I would however like to find something that talks about adopting older children (not babies) even if it is to heterosexual couples. C2 was so funny, I was explaining that he was going to stay with my mom (who he absolutely loves) while Mary and I go on a trip for a few days. He said, "I am going to be sad about you guys". He's such a little muffin and he knows how to work it because then I was like, I'm going to get you a prize while we're on our trip. LOL.

Back to Mass

I'm not sure I've even mentioned this on the blog since I'm too busy venting about C1. But it's official - we're moving back to Mass. Mary got an offer and after some negotiations, accepted the position with the university in the Boston area. We'll most likely move sometime in August after the baby is born. So we'll adopt a kid, have a baby, sell our house, and move to a different state all in the next 5 months. Sounds like a recipe for some anxiety. Oh boy, we are crazy, BUT I am SUPER happy to be leaving. Especially with having 2 kids, I think it's necessary to be around good friends & family. The only thing keeping me here was the cost of living and our house. Hopefully we'll be able to find a balance since Mary will be getting a higher salary, I'll have more opportunity to make money, and well, it's just a better quality of life not to mention we'll be married again :-) Yay!!!!

Expedited Transition

I discussed things with Mary and she agreed to change C1's transition schedule. The transition will happen much more quickly, within 2-3 weeks. Luckily, the adoptive family also agreed to this. I am SO happy for this and feel a huge anxious weight lifted as the schedule originally set up had him going back and forth until April. I really felt this would be draining on everyone and since C1 would get so used to going back and forth, I worried he would totally freak when he wasn't coming back here.

We also finally agreed that we would take a few weeks for C1 and C2 to not see each other. We just finally got out of visits so I don't want to reinstate them. Visits are not fun so I want to make sure that it's thought out carefully to be a positive experience for the boys and not just force feeding them an unhealthy relationship.
And I feel like both families should have time to settle in as families. So I am glad Mary listened to this and even though she doesn't totally agree with everything, she's willing to do it.

I know this is much more difficult for her. She is closer with C1 than I am and she feels much more sympathy for him. But I really think this is going to work out for everyone in the end. And I think this finally gives us the time we need to settle in before the baby arrives.

*phew*

Get him out of my house - NOW!

So Mary is currently bringing C1 to have lunch with the potential adoptive family. We got into an argument because Mary and the adoptive mother have been coordinating a schedule for the transition. It involves about 6 different stays at their house until he actually lives there. Mary didn't consult with me at all.

Having C1 out of the house yesterday wouldn't be soon enough for me. However, I understand he's too unstable to just move in there. But the stress of having him in the house is seriously affecting me. I am pregnant and hormonal so there is only so much I can control. And I am in fear that it's going to be a failed placement if there's so many visits.

One of the respite people we used absolutely loved him and thought he was so sweet. Then after 3-4 times of being there, he went into one of his rages and broke a bunch of stuff at her house. So she wouldn't take him again. This was C1 getting comfortable. He did it to us, the first few weeks we were shocked at some of the things his great-grandmother had told us about him. Then he got comfortable and we went "oh sh*t, what did we get ourselves into?". I can't deal with a failed adoptive placement since I NEED him out of the house.

I figured he'd go a couple times and in between he can talk to them on the phone and then he would start to live there. I am also thinking about the child we're adopting, C2. It's going to be confusing if C1 is going back and forth so many times and again, we need to prepare C2 for future events such as BABY.

These people also live over 3 hours away. Mary's all, "I'll handle it" but that's exactly what I don't want, I'd like a say in what's going on in my life. Especially if it's something that's affecting me so negatively.

Valentine's Chaos

My mom arrived yesterday. I thought it was going to be a nice day. Afterall, it was Valentine's Day and I had little treats for everyone and red velvet cupcakes ready. So much for that. What I call "my Maine luck" (since I've had such bad luck since moving here) kicked in.

In quick summary - Mary's car wouldn't make it out of the driveway in the morning, my mom's flight (to Portland) was delayed, I got to turn around 30 minutes into my Portland drive to go get C1 and C2 (since with the delay I wouldn't be back in time to pick them up), and I HAD to be in a car with C1 and C2 for over 5 hours - something I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy.

It was a crap day so I'm glad it's over. It also prompted me to be the mean and strict foster mommy and take away 1/2 of C1's Valentine's Day gift. I had got the boys little stuffed animals and made them each a little goody bag of candies - candy is SUCH a rare thing and I've made sure not to include any in past holiday gifts but I figured if I don't let them have everything at once it's not that bad. However, C1 hasn't listened to one word I've said all week and yesterday was the topper. So I revoked the treats unless he's good over the weekend. It's probably mean but he's been so disrespectful to me all week that I felt like I was saying that's o.k., here's some treats. But since it was Valentine's I felt like it would be totally mean to not give him anything so he did get the stuffed animal.

LUCKILY, Mary was at the meeting with the potential adoptive family for him yesterday and they are VERY interested. She's going to bring him to have lunch with them on Sunday. Apparently, the woman had some dream about a child that has a problem with his eye and after that they heard about C1 - he has a eye problem - they thought it was fate. So weird but I have my fingers crossed that he can be their "dream child". The husband works with special needs children which is GREAT and they know what they're getting into where we were told he just needed love. We've given love, lots of it and it's done nothing.

I feel terrible wanting him out of the house so much but it's just become an unhealthy situation for everyone. It's best that he be with a family that has no other children where he can be the focus. And these people are older and I'm sure much more patient. I try but after a year, my buttons are pushed too easily. He needs that renewed energy that this couple seems to be able to offer.

Snow Day

LONG day - boys were home due to snow. C1 was his usual C1 self - being defiant and not listening to anything. It was too bad because at the beginning of the day I actually thought we might have fun since C1 has been in respite for most of the weekends lately. He was even being a jerk when I tried to do his Valentine's for school with him - some alone time that I thought might redirect him. I just have my fingers double crossed that all goes well at the meeting with the adoptive family.

Thanks to our saint of a babysitter, we were able to go out last night. We went out to dinner here. It was a bit of a drive but worth it, afterall even time ALONE in the car is valuable to us. We always see it on the way to Bar Harbor so we figured we should try it. I was definitely impressed and we had lots of yummy food.

Getting dressed was a process. I'm in a weird stage where my regular clothes don't fit me but then maternity clothes (mostly pants) are just too big. I finally managed to pull together an outift and at least I wasn't in sweat pants.


crappy pic but note the growing baby bump

In other news, my mom arrives tomorrow. We had made the decision to keep C1 out of respite this weekend since we'll have extra help and we know he likes to see Nana Patty. After today, I'm regretting it.

Mary and I finally agreed to not change C2's name. As much as I'm not a fan of the name and it's not something I would've named my child, I just think it would add to possible identity issues and we've been calling him it for a year so it's sort of grown on me. Anywho, we are just changing his middle name and of course last name. Since Mary was deadset on changing his name, she picked the middle name. There was basically a rush since our lawyer called us to tell us she was waiting on our paperwork (which includes his "new name").

Long Live Our Marriage

Our anniversary falls on February 12. This is very confusing to EVERYONE except for us (and I guess that's all that matters). Long story short. We were legally married (Justice of the Peace style) in Massachusetts on February 10. We flew to Paris later that day and had a private ceremony on February 12. 6 months later, we had a reception in Boston on August 20. I had always gone back and forth with having a winter wedding and having a summer wedding so I got the best of both worlds.

Needless to say, we get a lot of well wishes on Valentine's Day. Since we were married near Valentine's everyone assumes we must've been married on that day. We probably would've but that year Valentine's was on a Monday or something. As a wedding gift, we even got this beautiful framed picture of Paris' night sky - the caption - Paris, France, February 14, 2005. We love it and it hangs in our room but we never actually saw the night sky in Paris on 2/14/2005 since we flew back to the states that morning.

Then we get well wishes on August 20 (our reception date) which always takes me by surprise. The first year my dad sent us a card in August for our anniversary. I was all, "what?" until I finally realized why. Afterall, the reception was purely a huge expensive party for friends and family so most of them think of that as our anniversary.

Needless to say, I'm glad we have February 12 as our anniversary. This is the night we go out. So we beat the Valentine's crowds and we don't feel awkward being the 2 women out on Valentine's. It's beautiful. I loved everything about our Paris wedding including feeling like a celebrity and dealing with the paparazzi (citizens and tourists) wanting to take our picture and the Parisiens chanting to us Long Live Your Marriage (in French of course).

And when you get married in Paris, you get awesome pictures :-)

Adoption Process

We signed a pre-adoption agreement today. I sort of felt like I was signing my life away. Of course, we got to look over all the medical history AFTER we had signed. Oh, I just love dealing with DHS. Now that I looked everything over, I think I'm going to commit to not looking at it again unless absolutely necessary (filling out medical papers or something). Because unfortunately there is nothing good. It sounds terrible but it's a lot of drug abuse and mental history in both parents and in their families. Even though C2 seems fairly normal now it just makes me way too nervous as he gets older. I am hoping environment opposed to genetics will have the biggest impact.

I was also a little surprised to hear that C2 has a 1/2 sibling on his father's side. We had known of a few that C1 has. And the sibling is about 5 years older so we were more thrown off that the bio mother had never mentioned it to us since we had asked.

Oh well, now we move forward. I am hoping it's a quick and painless process. She keeps saying 3-4 months but I'm kind of surprised that it will be that long. I am hoping for more like 1-2 months. We're also meeting with a potential adoptive family for C1 later this week. Well, actually Mary is since it's scheduled for the exact time that my mom's flight arrives. I am feeling more and more sad for C1 but I know it will be best for him to be moved and hopefully some healthy contact can be maintained amongst everyone.

Random Bits and My Attempts to be Political

Mary's deadset on changing C2's name and having C2 as his middle name. We talked to him a little bit about it (as much as you can to a child that recently turned 3). Of course, as expected he wants his name to be Superman then later he thought the name Shamu would be acceptable. Oh, silly C2.

We attempted to go to a Hillary rally on Saturday. I told Mary we should get there early but she didn't think it was going to be that big. It was. We did not get in along with hundreds of other people. Mary was going to donate $100 so she was all, they're not getting my check. LOL. I of course teased her that they didn't know who she was and that she is a major donor ;-)


(my attempt at meeting Hillary while dressed as a Mainer)

We went candlepin bowling. Apparently Mary had never been (I guess candlepin is a northern thing) so it was sort of a comedy show and fun to whoop her butt. I love my Mary but she's one of those people that's good at everything. If you go *regular* bowling with her, she'll win, if you play pool with her, she'll win, etc, etc. Then after she'll be like, you know I was on a league for many years. What? LOL. I am admittedly competitive so I don't like to lose. I still remember the time I beat Mary at scrabble and I got to sing and dance to my hit song - "who has a PhD and who is an LMT *that's licensed massage therapist*??". I'm so funny, that must be why she loves me. Anywho, C2 was being a grump so he refused to bowl with us. He seems to be in what I call an "uncooperative stage" so I hope he grows out of it soon.

C1 was at respite for the weekend. We are meeting with a potential adoptive family for him on Thursday. They sound PERFECT for him so I am hoping they are and are willing to take on the challenge.

I did NOT vote today. It was a mess like everything else in town. We have a caucus in Maine (opposed to a primary). So there is only one place in town to vote. I got there less than 20 minutes after it opened. It was snowing/raining/icing and the line was about a 1/2 mile outside of the building. C'est la vie.

Sperm Donor Daddy

From a couple of other blogs, I heard about a show Oprah was doing on sperm donor conceived children so I DVR'd it (I heart DVR). Anywho, I would not have known about it because I don't watch Oprah. And after watching Oprah, I remembered why I don't watch Oprah - it's just so straight. I know, she has this weird thing going on with her friend Gale (hahaha) and I'm not usually one to judge, I love the straights. But come on, she didn't even touch on lesbians using sperm banks...I guess why open that can of worms? She also just seemed dumb and totally clueless in regards to donor insemination. I was thinking, don't they brief her before the show. But it was entertaining if not a little weird and awkward.

And it definitely made us think, ummm, maybe we should have used a known donor. But what's done is done, I'm sure our child (if they wish) will be able to connect with some half-siblings. It was just sad to see some of children grown and seemingly bitter. No offense to single women having children - I think that's great to make the conscious decision to have a child and use a donor. However, I felt most of the kids had issues because they grew up with a single parent and as an only child and to top it all off their "dad" was a sperm donor. Who knows, maybe I think that to make me feel better. It was just sad and I hope it wasn't a very good example of sperm donor conceived children.

The Coughing Child

Yesterday was C1's birthday. I have never seen anybody so thrilled to have their birthday. C1 is all about C1 so it was the perfect day for him. I had busted my but yesterday since I didn't have time during the week since I've had C2 home. But it was rewarding since C1 was so happy and thrilled with even the small gifts and of course his cake. I always see those things at craft stores about cake decorating classes and I'm like, "who goes to those?". Well, apparently moms. You're expected to make your kid's birthday cakes. I was decently impressed with the one I made for C1's birthday cake - hey, it was my 3rd cake making experience in less than 1.5 months - I still suck at icing a cake but whatever I'm not a typical mom ;-) It's supposed to be a train (as requested).



Anywho, I am SO glad to have the birthdays over with. Mine is next, I'm sure nobody will do anything for me *self pity*. Mary commented that we'll be in D.C. but we were in Boston for hers and I still made a cake and we had a party (I use this word loosely) a few days later.

With C1's birthday yesterday, I decided to send C2 to school. I had so much to do and C2 was all hyper in the morning so I thought he was fit to go to school. The temperatures were very low so I thought there was no possibility of him going outside. But of course, they went outside. When the teacher called to see if I wanted to come get him, she was all, "I'm not sure the cold is good for his lungs". Ummm, no, it's 0 degrees...I have normal lung function and I was having trouble breathing just walking from the car to the store...hello?? I'm convinced that they're trying to get all the kids sick so nobody comes in.

Anywho, he was up again last night with his cough. He's been up pretty much all week and this happens pretty often. I'm pretty much at the end of my exhaustion rope this week and I started thinking, oh my, in 5 months we're going to have a baby that's up all night. So I had a mini break down and said I was keeping him home from school for the rest of the winter. I'm not sure I really want to do that but of course Mary was all, that's a good idea. She's been basically begging me to keep him home now that we're adopting him. I had said I'd consider but I wanted him in some sort of pre-school once the baby arrives. I've definitely come the realization that I'm just not a super mom. In fact, I'd probably be better off with one kid that I can focus on. Though I married a recovering Mormon who some how thinks she needs to have a million kids. Pardon the randomness.

Needless to say, I've never had an infant but I here horror stories so I'm not sure I can handle a 3 year old and an infant. C2 is pretty good as far as kids go but he still requires attention and needs to do activities. I also think pre-school is a good thing for him to socialize with other kids as he can be very shy and clingy. We also have ZERO resources here especially for during the day so we need some sort of "baby sitting". I am still freaking out about what we are going to do with him when I go into labor. And no, he is not coming with.

Changing a Name

We've been in this debate on whether or not to change C2's first name (obviously, we'll change his last name to ours). And if we change it, whether to actually call him by that. When we originally got the boys, we thought we'd definitely change their names if we adopted them. Aside from their names both starting with C, they're those trendy names that everyone in town seems to have. I also don't like the fact that C2's name is a unisex name and it just sounds more like a girl name to me.

Then it became very clear that C1 was very attached to his name so that would not be a possibility with him. Now, we don't even have to think about that. C2 didn't talk at the time nor respond to his name. For a while, when he first started talking and he was my cling on he thought his name was my name. He'd point to himself and say "I Cannee" and then point to me and say "You Cannee". However, now, he's come to realize his name is C2. Though I don't think he's super attached to the name, how do we really know and is it just cruel to change his name along with so many other things in his life.

Mary thinks we should definitely change his first name and keep C2 as a middle name. I somewhat agree for privacy and legal reasons. She thinks if he's not open to the name change, we'll still refer to him as C2. However, then it seems weird for someone to have a first name they're not called by. I mean, I know some people go by their middle names but it's just strange to me.

I mentioned that maybe we could come up with 2 or 3 names we like and have C2 pick out of those. He's pretty indecisive on everything and he's so young that we decided that probably wouldn't be a good idea. Plus, he'd probably demand the name Superman.

I had also come up with a name that wasn't a huge difference from C2 that I thought could be an easy change. However, I wouldn't want C2 to be the middle name since it's so similar and just wouldn't flow so we'd be changing his entire name. We also have no time to test the waters since we are filling out the adoption papers and have to fill out the line - "new name". Oy, there is too much to think about with a child's psyche in our hands.

Go in the Snow

Go, go, go today. First off, it was a speach eval for C1. Kind of annoying since he turns 4 tomorrow, the speach therapist said he can't test him at the 4 year old level until he is actually 4 so we have to go back in a few weeks. Oy.

Then I took him to get his haircut. I always have anxiety about bringing the boys to get haircuts. It should be a simple thing, right. They are very well behaved and sit still during their hair cuts. But no, I dread the hairdresser referring to me as "mom" or "mama". This time it was "mama" (which is the worse of the 2). C1 made it very clear that I was NOT mama. Obviously, I didn't want to explain the situation and luckily it happened at the end so I just said, "oh no, I'm Cannee" as I turned a bright shade of red.

Then it was off to drop him at school and rush to C2's school before he started lunch. He's been sick so I was going to keep him home all day but that wasn't possible with C1's apptmts. Then lunch, nebulizer, and Scooby Doo. C2 definitely enjoys the fact that we don't limit t.v. watching when he's sick. And now NAP. Have I mentioned how much I love nap time :-)

Tomorrow is C1's birthday. It should be quite the event. He's definitely way too excited about "turning into 4". I am hoping I don't have C2 home tomorrow so that I can get things done. And apparently C1 is able to have popsicles for everyone at school tomorrow so I'm supposed to go to that. I've been over there way too much this week. Mary thought it would be mean of me to miss it but it's popsicles & a 40-50 minute round trip - I'm going to be wrapping presents, making a cake, and getting balloons and what not. And I reminded her that I didn't go to C2's school for his birthday.

Super Tuesday

I was able to get C2 a doctor's apptmt (with the actual doctor - wow), it was quite the 1.5 hour adventure. C2 is a very UNwilling patient so I bribed him with M&Ms. If he was good and followed the doctor's instructions he would get 2 M&Ms (it doesn't take much) and it worked. I recently learned that M&Ms were not only a magical potty training tool with C2 but a magical bribe for other things. He even stood on the scale at the doctors. Usually it's a big process and then they finally weigh me and then weigh me holding him. It's not so much a defiant thing as it is a shy thing and hating to be the center of attention thing.

Anywho, apparently there is something called cough asthma and that's what the doctor thinks C2 has. At first, the dr. tried to blame daycare. I mean, I definitely agree that daycare is a culprit of illness. However, I had C2 home with me for the first 6 months we had him and he was still ALWAYS sick with a cough. And the record number of times we've brought him to the doctor concerning a cough definitely supported this. So we got a prescription for a nebulizer. I hope it works. Aside from the poor lil' guy hacking up a lung all night, I would really like to sleep through the night before the baby arrives.

In other news, I'm glued to CNN for the primary results. Actually CNN.com since the boys are watching the Rugrats movie. I don't remember the last time I was actually able to watch the evening news.

Sick House

Mary was home sick yesterday, today it is C2. And I was up all night with some weird back spasms. I hope this isn't a sign of pregnancy things to come - I'm only 17 weeks. I vacuumed, swept, and steam mopped all the floors yesterday so I'm hoping I just pulled something and it is no big deal.

Mary seems to have some sort of flu so I've been trying to take care of her and avoid her at the same time. I so don't want to get sick. And C2 has his usual cough. He's pretty much had a cough since he came here. We thought we had finally "cured" it with 2 rounds of antibiotics but it's back less than 2 weeks later. We're going to the doctor later so hopefully they can finally refer him to a specialist. We just got his medical history (now that we're actually an adoptive family - so ridiculous) and it said he was born with respiratory problems so we are thinking that maybe he has asthma. Anywho, I hope we can finally get it under control because the poor lil' guy is up all night coughing on a way too regular basis.

Nothing else new, otherwise I'm avoiding all sports news. I still can't believe the Pats' lost the Superbowl. I'm pretending it was some bad dream :-(

More Info Than You Wanted to Know

I threw up in the Super Wal-Mart parking lot this morning. Sweet! It's become sort of a joke about the parking lots that I've thrown up in since I've been prego. I didn't think I was even feeling that bad. Of course Wal-Mart was crazy and I felt a bit overwhelmed. Anywho, I thought I'd do some quick grocery shopping there for Superbowl stuff. And I have been looking for Sponge Bob underwear for C1's birthday since I had promised them to him when he was potty trained and now can't find them. Yes, this is my life, going to Wal-Mart to look for size 4T Sponge Bob underwear - LOL!

Mary is currently attempting to bring the boys to the gym on her own. They've been acting kind of crazy this morning and not listening to her so I'm praying they're gone for more than the time there and back. I'm so excited for the Superbowl. I feel like I'm having a party but really it's just the 4 of us.

And I just booked a ticket for my mom to come out the 14th-25th. I'm excited. She'll be here for the ultrasound which she's thrilled about. Plus, we're going to be away in D.C. the 20th-23rd so she'll be able to watch C2. Now that we're adopting him, we'd rather not use respite and we got the go ahead for non licensed foster people to watch him. We thought about bringing him along but I'm going to be on my own most of the time and I'm so not familiar with D.C. Plus, the trip was originally planned when we weren't adopting him so we planned it as an adult trip - of course it's a biz trip for Mary that falls during my birthday. She was all, we'll go to D.C. on your bday. And I was all, what? you planned a biz trip during my bday? Oh, married to a workaholic. Anyone familiar with D.C., feel free to let me know of any cool things to do.

Sleeeepy Woman

We went down to Portland today to break the winter monotony. The original plan was to go to the Children's Museum AND Chuck E. Cheese. However, I let Mary sleep in so we got off to a late start. So we opted for Chuck E. Cheese since they have food which as usual the kids were "neeeeeding food". It was a bit chaotic and we have a million tokens left since we finally decided it was way too crowded. But it was fun to do something different. We also tooled around the mall there.

I had to laugh at Mary because I have been saying all winter that we should go down to Portland. She ALWAYS says no, that it's crazy to drive down there (afterall it is about 2.5 hours each way). Then yesterday, she's all "let's go to Portland tomorrow." What? Who is this woman? Anywho, as we're driving she's like, "I can't believe I'm so stir crazy in the winter that I'm driving down to Portland". hehehe...I won ;-)

We had a fun day but I am exhausted. My prego a** didn't get a nap - hmph! I'm so pathetic. I actually fell asleep on the couch when we got home and some how in the midst of C1 and C2 chaos. And it was nice of Mary to tell me that she was going upstairs (ummm, no she didn't) because all of a sudden I was awoken to C1 and C2 killing each other. I think why is Mary not saying anything? Umm, she's not here. Oh, lovely.

They also had this major argument when we stopped to get a coffee in the mall (for Mary: not me or the kids obviously) ;-) I just had to laugh because they were screaming at each other and recently C2 uses some big man voice when he argues with C1. It's pretty funny. Anywho, I lauged and pretended not to know them. Afterall, I was already pretending not to know C1 since he got stickers at Chuck E. Cheese and decided to put all 20 of them on his face.

And baby was moving around A LOT today. Weird because usually she moves around at night. Apparently, baby likes Chuck E. Cheese. She also started when I was telling Mary that I was thinking the baby is a boy lately. I had previously thought girl and I still refer to the baby as a she just because it's easier until I know. Anyways, once I said, I think it's definitely a boy, it gave a punch. So I'm not sure if that was a "hell yeah, I'm a dude" or "hey, I'm a girl, don't be callin me a boy". Apparently, my baby talks all ghetto ;-)

Baby's Well

I had a midwife appointment today. Baby's heart sounds good and everything else was good. Still no weight gain. I was kind of surprised since I thought there might be a few pounds. Apparently my belly is taking fat from other places? Who knows. Anywho, they're going to call me back with my appointment time for the boy/girl ultrasound. Our midwife gave us the go ahead to do it at 19 weeks since we'll be out of town at 20 weeks. The appointment should be on the 18th. I cannot wait to find out!

In Limbo - RANT

So a good thing that came out of the adoption worker/case worker meeting the other day was discontinuing C1 and C2's therapy session they have together. We would only continue bringing C1 to his own session. Since we had mentioned how C1 has had some incidences at school after their double session. For example, the time he head butted another kid and the teacher was surprised he didn't break the kids nose. So the caseworker said that we could just go ahead and cancel that session since they were no longer keeping the boys together. Silly us, we go ahead and cancel it. Well, no, apparently now they want C2 to go on his own.

I am annoyed to say the least. C2 doesn't need to be going to therapy. The ONLY reason we had him going with C1 was for C1 and to work out the animosity and resentment he has towards C2. That's it. C2 in all of this has stayed seemingly normal or at least not at the point where he needs to see a play therapist once/week. C1 is also going to get very jealous that C2 is going on his own. We had him going on his own for a few times before they started sessions together and there was a huge jealousy that C2 was taking C1's therapist. None of these imbosile people know what we have to deal with on a day to day basis or the stress that we're under to keep things somewhat copascetic.

I mentioned to Mary that I thought C2 might need to see a therapist later on. Afterall, the kid is about to have some major changes. His brother's going to leave, his Mary & "Cannee" are going to become his Mom & Mommy, he's potentially going to have a new name, and he's going to have a baby brother or sister. That's a lot for any 3 year old. However, right now I'd just like to focus on us being a family and working through our own issues. I also strongly dislike the play therapist and her methods (or lack there of). So as his parents, I thought we'd choose one if we felt he needed one.

We have also been trying to discuss the aspects of C2's adoption. Mary is dead set on C2 and C1 having a relationship even in seperate homes. I agree that the biological connection is important. I just wonder how it's going to work out for our family & C1's adoptive family. Afterall, we've seen how C1 has acted after any sort of visit with any sort of family. I also don't want C2 to stand out in our family as the adopted kid with a seperate family.

There's also the aspect of C1 still being in the house. I'm about to have a baby. We've made a conscious decision to not let the boys know I'm pregnant. Since we thought both of them would be leaving, we didn't want them to associate that with the reason they were leaving. But now we need to prepare C2 for having a sibling. However, we can't do any of this while C1 is in the house. The caseworker and adoption worker kept saying, "well, you're due in July". Yeah, maybe when I'm in labor, we can let C2 know that he's going to have a baby brother/sister. Oy, I'm just so annoyed.

I'm also finding it hard to trust anything the case worker says. I told Mary we shouldn't bank on anything because they may just be stringing us along and all of a sudden they'll say, "oh, we found a home for both boys" or "oh, aunt so and so wants to adopt C2". Already, we were told that great-grandmother is doing a homestudy to try to adopt C1 (which would be totally crazy). She would definitely have a better chance of getting custody of C2 since he is not high needs and he lived with her for over a year. She couldn't even handle C1 for a couple of months.