Sickness

So my prego sickness has been on and off. I call it prego sickness instead of morning sickness because it doesn't just occur in the morning. Random sickness might be a better term. Today, it was pretty much all day. And of course I had a million errands I planned on running. I had to get an oil change for Mary's car and then was going to get some things for the trip.

I get the oil change and then make the mistake of going to Dress Barn. What's with Dress Barn? I never really go in there, it's more my mom's type of store. But anyways, I drove by the other day and saw a really cute dress in the window. I thought, this could be a perfect way to end my Florida dress shopping. Nope, I went in to find the smallest size in the dress was a 16W. I'm assuming the W means wide? Like if you're a size 16 you're not wide? I don't know, it was annoying.

I found a skirt in a size 6 that I thought could be an option. Mary's mom stressed that the wedding was pretty casual so I thought a skirt might do. I'm not normally a 6 but in my bloated state I've definitely upped a size and it was elastic banned so I tried it on. Then the nausea hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm surprised I didn't throw up in the dressing room. Terrible.

I had also wanted to go in Old Navy that's in the same plaza. I don't think I've bought anything for myself from Old Navy in about a million years but they have really cute clothes for the boys. Anywho, I decided to suck up my nausea and head into O. Navy. Of course, it's Christmas time and the line was ridiculous with 2 cashiers working. I really thought I was going to faint in line. I also kept planning my fall into the doggy coats so I wouldn't hit the cement floor. LOL.

Oh well, I'm off to meet Mary and the boys. C1 is headed off to the respite house again and we're going to this horrible Maine restaurant beforehand. We decided to do this instead of McDonald's. I hate McDonald's but I almost wish we were going there because I wouldn't have to think about eating. Anywho, we didn't want to send him 2 weekends in a row but we leave on Wednesday for a week with the boys so we decided it was best and he really wanted to go. It will also probably be the last time he goes there in a while.

Just another day

It's been a boring day and yucky day. It seems to rain so much lately. I've been mostly stuck in doing a data entry project for Mary. Oy. This is the most horrible one yet. I can't believe Mary is working her pregnant wife like a dog. ;-) Hahaha.. At least today I got to work from home and didn't have to go into the University's library like I did a few times this week.

I did get out for a diaper buying adventure. Oh, if only C1 would potty-train. While at the fabulous Target, I decided to invest in some cheap maternity shirts. It's not like I'm visibly prego to most people but it doesn't hurt to have some longer shirts. Afterall, if we don't tell people in Florida I'm prego, I don't want everyone to think I'm a heffer so I plan on wearing somewhat baggy clothing. I'm sure they won't notice either way, Mary's family like Mary is not very detail oriented.

On a random note, at what age should kids not bathe together? The boys take their bath together. It works out because we don't have to give 2 baths and it's one of the rare moments that they seem to enjoy together. C1, however, seems to be growing at an unusually quick rate where he's taking up most of the tub. And last week, we had, "kiss my penis". To which I flew in and said, "do not tell anyone to kiss your penis". Today, it was, "kiss my bum". I mean, they have no idea and it is kind of funny but also WEIRD.

The GG Vent

So the drama with great-grandmother (GG) continues. Apparently, word got to her that we were thinking of only adopting one of the boys - and that would probably be C2. I'm not sure how this got to her since we really only mentioned it to the caseworker to make sure it wouldn't take them by surprise if that's what we decided in the end. It was also during a week when C1 was out of control.

We have stuck to our guns that we don't want to be involved in any decision to split the boys up. We feel in the long term, we won't be able to handle C1's issues and that the boys together are a force to be reckoned with. We are also worried that if they are placed again together, the same thing will happen and it will be a failed placement.

However, we've also mentioned that maybe more experienced parents would be able to handle them and that we really just want what is best for them. And this has been hard for us to come to the possibility that maybe they should be split up since our entire point of taking a sibling pair was to keep a sibling pair together.

Needless to say, now GG wants to make sure the boys stay together and if they don't, SHE wants to adopt C1. WHAT??!!!??? We were floored by this. She couldn't handle the kid for THREE MONTHS and she clearly does NOT like him. Plus, for lack of a better term the kid is pretty much f*ct psychologically due to abandonment issues. GG is OLD, OLD, OLD. Maybe she'll live until he's 10 years old and then what's going to happen. Her lawyer says then another family member can take him. Ummm, there has been no other willing or able family members that can take the boys, otherwise they'd both be with them now.

So Mary had called GG's lawyer to possibly have us facilitate some visits with GG when she found this out. Mary's worried the department will issue them and they'll be bad on the kids. She thinks if we could have a few goodbye visits here that would please GG and be less traumatizing for the kids. After all, open adoptions are illegal in Maine so it would just be setting them up for even more disappointment. Obviously, after hearing all this crap, Mary did not mention this possibility. Also, some of the comments GG makes, lead us to believe that she just doesn't want them with us..."it's a question of lifestyle...C1 needs a father figure...are they praying". That brings Mary and I to another huge dilemma where maybe we should just take ourselves out of the picture and maybe GG will get out of this crap.

I am just SO fed up with this situation. If I hear GG's name one more time, I think I'm going to be in a luney bin. Why can't someone terminate her rights? They were already taken out of her house because of weird stuff going on. I just don't get it.

Being Prego

I think my cravings have begun. I have wanted Chinese food for the past few days. I neeeeeeed crab rangoons and I'm making it my goal to get them ASAP. Everyone needs goals, right? ;-) Otherwise, I seem to go from eating a lot to being disgusted by food. And usually when I want food it has to be EXACTLY what I want. I am not usually this picky.

It's one week until our Florida trip. I am looking forward to getting into some decent weather and I have SO much to do. I need to buy some clothes for both me and the boys. I feel like a bloated beast in all my current clothes and the boys need some "fancy" clothes. Mary wanted to dress them the same as her sister's boys for the wedding pictures. Her sister hasn't gotten back to her but she still wants to do this.

This is just weird and so un-Mary like which leaves me confused and annoyed because I've had to wait to shop. I told her I was getting them at the end of this week no matter what. She wants us to get our clothes for the wedding while we're in Florida. I finally agreed since there isn't crap up here for us but I don't want to HAVE to do any more shopping than that. It's already going to be difficult because we'll need to find someone to watch the boys while we shop.

We have also debated telling Mary's family I'm pregnant while we're down there. As of now, only a handful of people IRL know I'm prego. Only two friends that were following my fertility madness and my mom. I probably wouldn't have told my mom but last time she was up, I told her about the clomid and the sperm arrived while she was in town.

I kind of feel we should wait until post first trimester to tell most people. Mary thinks we never see her family so it would be nice to tell them in person. We both agree we shouldn't tell until after the wedding since it's Jill's time and we don't want the congratulations on us. So I guess we'll see if there's a good time after the wedding to tell or not. :-)

Termination of Parental Rights

TPR - just like that. The mother finally decided at the last minute to voluntarily sign away her rights. Luckily, I didn't go because there was no trial. Now, they will think about doing a goodbye visit which I think is absolutely insane. Hopefully we have back-up from the therapist to not do this or that she's able to facilitate this by being there. And no fathers attended, they'll have to hunt them down to sign off too.

Of course, we thought everything would be over. But, no, we have the most crazy case out there. They decided to hear the great-grandmother's case at a different time. Now, that isn't until the end of January. So ridiculous that they let this stuff go on so long. No adoption decision can be made until that crap is done with. It makes me sick to see how selfish some adults can be. Really, these people are looking out for themselves and not the kids and them having a permanent situation ASAP is what's best for them.

Oh well, at least TPR finally happened. I feel somewhat bad for the mother, but only to a limited extent. Afterall, she hasn't parented the boys in years. I would've had more respect for her if she gave up a long time ago instead of continuing to show up to visits high and set them up for disappointment.

Saved by the Sick Kid

Mary is on her way to court and I am not. C1 woke up sick this morning; coughing and complaining about his ears. He usually eats a big breakfast but this morning would hardly eat so we knew he was really sick. The kid tends to be a hypochondriac so we don't always believe him when he complains about ailments.

Since court is today, we had to get the o.k. for me not to go since C1 can't go to preschool sick and we don't have any day time babysitters. I do feel bad that Mary has to go alone but she's all into court since she's obsessed with being all Law & Order like. And she practically does public speaking for a living so she's the better one to talk.

I also would've liked to go to see what happened first hand and if any of the dads make an appearance I will be bummed to not get a look. Hopefully Mary takes notes so we can discuss the drama later.

As for MY bio kid, I finally have my midwife apptmt in one week. I seriously feel like I've been in the longest wait of my life. Hopefully the midwife can set Mary straight that pregnant women are TIRED. I feel like Mary doesn't think my fatigue is for real. I seriously feel like I could sleep all day and night and still be tired. Taken, I'm EXTREMELY grateful to finally be pregnant I do hope this tired stuff doesn't last the entire 9 months.

Just Call Me Whiney Whinerton

This week is crazy. Today, I've been at Mary's work all day doing data entry in the library. Oy, the library is annoying. And aren't people supposed to be quiet? There is some media lab right near where I'm sitting and people are always talking. I also have been sneezing all day and have a terrible headache. I need to get some tylenol since I can't take advil. And I'm FREEZING and tired and VERY whiney. Can you tell?

Anywho, we are supposed to go to court tomorrow for the TPR case. As usual, the process is completely ridiculous. We were subpoenaed for Monday. Yes, today. Then we were told the judge will make the schedule on Monday and it will probably be for Tuesday. We had called to talk to the caseworker about something totally unrelated when we found this out. Umm, what about everyone else that's subpoenaed? I know, the kids' therapist was definitely pissed because she didn't know what day to cancel her clients.

I am not looking forward to going to court. Last time I went to one of the hearings, I was so uncomfortable and now this time I'm actually going to have to talk. I do NOT do public speaking. Hopefully I don't have a full fledged panic attack when they call me.

I also have an interview on Wednesday morning. I had applied to some jobs pre pregnancy. Now, I'm hesitant to even go to the interview. What if they actually hire me? In a few months I'll be noticably pregnant. So crazy. I wish the temp agency would call with a job, I'd just rather do random temp jobs until I have the baby.

It was also a major process for us all to get out of the house and get the dogs settled this morning. If I get a job, I don't know how I'm going to get to work on time. Speaking of dogs, what do people do with their dogs when they're not home? We had this dillema when I was working before. Neither dog is a dog that can go all day without having an accident or tearing something up.

The Joys of Having Only 1 :-)

Our weekend with C2 was great and as relaxing as you can get with a child. He is pretty low maintenance so that is definitely a bonus. We also got to be pretty relaxed with rules and routine, something we commented wouldn't have been possible with C1. Even on his own, C1 needs a fine structure.

After only a few hours, Mary and I were commenting on how sweet it is to just have one child. Something we have never experienced. We weren't arguing about obligations, just taking turns without any discussion.

We took C2 out to breakfast this morning to the "choo choo train restaurant". There is a train that goes around it which makes it one of the few kid friendly places around. Midway through breakfast, he says, "this is kinda nice to be by myself." Apparently, he was also enjoying being the only kid. Kids say the funniest things.

Afterwards, we hit the mall to get something for C1 so he'd have a prize upon his return. And we figured out going to the mall right after it opens is perfect to run the kids. LOL. It wasn't crowded at all so we just let C2 burn off his energy by sprinting across the mall. Definitely something we will have to keep in mind for the winter when going outside around here isn't very possible.

Mary definitely missed C1, I didn't. I love the kid but I knew he was only gone for the weekend & he was ridiculously excited to go. Almost too excited to get away from us. Mary is on her way to no man's ville to get him. Hopefully he is as excited to go home as he was to leave, otherwise Mary will be pretty bummed. The one thing that is consistent with C1 is his unpredictability so it could go either way.

A Happy Thanksgiving

We had a good Thanksgiving at home. The weather was absolutely awful, cold & rainy all day so we were glad to not be doing any traveling. Of course, this also left 2 stir crazy kids. Our plan was for Mary to take them out to a playground or something while I cooked.

Instead, we watched the Macy's parade and the National Dog Show, both of which I love. Mary and I were psyched that an Australian Shepherd (Chloe's breed) won best in show. Oh, If only our Chloe could be so regal. ;-)

As for the food, my turkey breast ended up taking a lot longer than the 1-1.5 hours on the directions. That left us eating at about 1:30 instead of the planned 12. C'est la vie, my first time cooking a turkey. After all, we had Thanksgiving here last year but my mom did almost all of the cooking. Of course dealing with children that have a routine is an entire different thing. C2 was already having a break down at 11:30 crying about needing lunch.

Anywho, the kids ate a serious amount of food. In C1 and C2 fashion, aside from corn, they favored opposite items. C1 likes potatoes and turkey, C2 doesn't. C2 likes stuffing and cranberry, C1 doesn't. I was laughing that I enjoyed the cranberry the most and all I did was open a can. Hahaha...I always enjoy things more when they're made by someone else.

After eating, we all went into a turkey coma. I don't care what all the articles say about tiredness not being from the turkey, it is. We finally had to wake the kids up after they were napping for a whopping 2.5 hours. Mary & I were joking that we should eat turkey every day.

In other news, later today, C1 is off to respite for the weekend. He has actually been pretty well behaved for the past couple of days aside from some fights with C2. But it will still be a nice break to only have to deal with one child.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Well, this is my 2nd year as a big girl and doing all the Thanksgiving grocery shopping. Last year, we had my family up - mom, sister, brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. It was a lot of fun but unfortunately everyone is in Ohio this year so it's not going to happen.

I wish they could all come up but obviously it's not very feasible for 5 people to fly up for a holiday weekend and Mary refuses to travel anywhere around Thanksgiving time.

So Thanksgiving will just be the 4 of us. We finally decided on a turkey breast. I've been eating meat lately and we usually eat meat for holidays like Thanksgiving but then Mary said she wasn't going to this year. Once I said I wasn't going to bother making a turkey and I'm just not into tofurkey, she changed her mind and said she'd eat it.

I was kind of dreading cooking all day for only 4 people, 2 of which are small children. The boys are usually big eaters but they have their picky times so hopefully this isn't one of them. Anywho, I am looking forward to it now so hopefully it will be a fun day with watching the parade and doing what prego woman do best - eating! Since I can't indulge in any alcohol, I will be indulging in lots of food. hahahaha. C1 keeps laughing every time I tell him tomorrow is a stay at home day and we're going to eat until we pass out. Maybe not but I do have hopes that the turkey will make the boys tired :-)

Well, Happy Thanksgiving to all those in blog land and safe travels to anyone not staying home for the holiday :-)

A Lesson in Foster Care

We finally set up the weekend respite for C1. Thank goodness! I already feel a huge weight lifted off of us. The weekends are when things get crazy since the boys have so much interaction then. So he'll be going to the same respite provider we've used twice from Friday - Sunday and possibly next weekend. This is also a bonus because I was dreading the 4 day weekend with Thanksgiving.

Of course when Mary finally got in touch with the caseworker, she had been trying to reach her since last Monday, she was all, "so you want him moved". Geesh, this was not what we were trying to say at all. We're like, "we just want respite for the weekends to see how the boys do apart". We had also already gone over this with the therapist, the respite provider, and guardian ad litem who all agreed it was a good idea. Unfortunately, nothing can be done until the caseworker approves it. Luckily, Mary seemed to set her straight on what we were really trying to do. As much as we're at our limit with C1, we can deal with him during the week and moving him so suddenly would definitely mess with his psyche. Nonetheless, caseworkers are crazy.

We also were informed that bio mother is definitely taking the termination case to court. The guardian ad litem had told us a few months ago that it's very rare these things go to trial. Apparently, most people sign their rights away before hand because if they have children later there is more of a chance of keeping those if you have voluntarily signed your rights away opposed to having them revoked in a court. Of course, the bio mom has been informed by everyone including her own lawyer that she doesn't have a chance of winning but she is selfish and would rather draw things out in court. The great-grandmother is also still suing for visitation. With TPR just around the corner I'm not sure what she's thinking since open adoptions are not possible in Maine. Of course, we get the craziest placement.

We also found out that after the trial, the judge has 30 days to make a decision. Obviously, we hope this is a much quicker decision. We feel like we're in limbo with the holidays and random things coming up. Will we have both boys by Christmas? Just one? None? I guess one thing we've learned through this process, planning anything with foster children is not really possible.

Another Glorious Weekend - ha!

So I had a fun day on Friday with C2. We went shopping and saw the Bee Movie. The Bee Movie had a lot of adult humor, some of which I thought would've been inappropriate if C2 was at an age to actually absorb it. One that really took me back was a line about how Jewish people look. Taken Jerry Seinfeld, the star and maker (or whatever) of the movie is Jewish I still couldn't believe the line was in the movie. Needless to say, I definitely enjoy Ratatouille more.

I don't think I'd keep C2 home on a Friday again though because I feel it just set me into exhaustion for the weekend. I am a VERY TRIED pregnant woman and somewhat pukey. One funny thing is I had to umm, puke with the child nearby. I was worried he was going to be scared. Instead I hear, "Bless you Cannee"...it just struck me so funny.

Anywho, the weekend sucked. C1 was in one of his psychotic modes so we went through about 4 flip outs. 3 of which happened yesterday. The last one lasted about 2 hours, I swear it's like a crazy house here. We're watching Amazing Race while some kid is screaming bloody murder. We both look totally unphased since this is just how things are. Then C2 is crying because he's scared so we have him downstairs. Oh, C1.

We are somewhat relieved that he seems to have given up or just doesn't have it in him anymore to play his therapist. It may be the sessions with C2, that he can't hide is anger and rage for his brother. Who knows, but needless to say, she has mentioned the possibility of splitting them up since she sees their interactions as abnormal sibling stuff. We are going to start having C1 go to respite on some weekends to see how the brothers do apart which I must say, cannot happen soon enough. After the weekend, I was about to call the caseworker this morning and ask for him to be moved completely. Something we definitely don't want to do after sticking with the kid this long but we're both at our breaking point and don't see any real possibility of adopting him if we want to stay sane.

C2 and my pants - ha!

I have C2 home today. We attempted to get a haircut at the mall which was insane and didn't happen after the supposed "15 minute wait". My first choice was to go to Super Walmart - I know, it's terrible but they have everything in one spot. Controlling a toddler in a mall is one of the worst things ever. But Mary didn't leave his car seat so we had to illegally drive over to her work which put me far from Walmart.

Anywho, C2 has been driving me slightly insane but he is cake to C1. I definitely couldn't have him playing down stairs while I'm writing a blog entry. At least C1 will get his time tomorrow since Mary is going to try to do some special things with him on his own. I feel bad but he's even difficult on his own at home because he can't be left in a room alone or he'll freak out. This makes having him home for a full day extremely difficult.

In other news, my pants already don't fit me. A benefit to a lesbian relationship, Mary is exactly one size bigger than me so I've been able to wear her pants. But, hello, I can't believe my pants don't fit. I think it's more the bloating that comes with pregnancy because I've weighed myself and haven't gained anything. Though I didn't think I'd have to think about bigger clothes until at least the 2nd trimester.

Oh well, we are off to see Bee Movie :-)

Uneventful

It's been a fairly uneventful few days. Boys had their visit today which went rather smoothly. Mary stayed home so we were able to go out to lunch which was nice.

I've definitely been suffering from pregnancy fatigue. I've been trying to stay fit but it's proving difficult. I had gone to the gym yesterday. I definitely did a light work out but in the afternoon and today I felt like I had been hit by a bus. Hmmm...I was hoping it would give me MORE energy. I have a major fear of gaining a huge amount of weight during pregnancy. I know, I shouldn't be so shallow. I really want a baby, even if it means stretch marks but I'd just like to keep it to a minimum. And of course staying healthy for baby is important.

And I am super impatiently awaiting my appointment with the midwife. I got a letter confirmation which says I'll have an ultrasound that day. I wish it was tomorrow! But instead I have to wait about 3 weeks. Geesh! I'm also hoping we find out if it's 1 or 2 babies. I feel like it's going to be 1 but then in the back of my mind I have this twin thing that keeps popping up. I guess clomid and trigger shots will do that to you. Ha!

a short one

Well, the boys are back. The drop off actually went very well. I never know how they're going to act with transitions so I just usually expect the worst. C2 just seemed to miss me so he spent most of his time on my lap. That's always a good thing because I enjoy the cuddles and then him & C1 can't try to kill each other :-)
C1 has definitely been testing boundries and rules but that's pretty typical, nothing too crazy.

Oh well, not much going on today. It's only 4:30 and it's already dark here. :-\

No Alcohol for Prego Lady

Mary arrived safe & sound on Saturday. We ended up having a couple we recently met J&D over for dinner. Probably about the only lesbians we know in the area so it was nice and we never have people over to our house so that was fun too. We do have a pretty nice house so it's nice to show it off once in a while. Anywho, they are a lil' bit strange as far as they've been together for 11 years *yikes* and J doesn't really seem out. But to each their own and I guess they're going to try to have a baby soon so that will be nice. I definitely want to connect with other gay & lesbian families in the area so our kid isn't the only one. Though I guess it's unlikely we'll still be living here come school age or whatever. That's too much to think about.

So we had a fun evening - I made some manicotti and we played Buzz Word. Everyone got to enjoy some wine except for me. Hmph! I have been pretty good with the not being tempted but being the only one not drinking definitely sucked. Mary thinks I can have small glasses every once in a while but I'd rather not. I've always been disgusted when I've seen prego women indulging in even a lil' bit of alcohol.

This morning we went to brunch which was SO nice. We have been wanting to try this sort of fancy brunch place but knew it wasn't a bring the boys type of place. So I took all my energy of not being able to have a mimosa and put it into eating like a prego woman. LOL. I've not indulged in the "eating for two" yet. Afterall, I always think that expression is crazy - I'm eating for myself and a fetus - NOT 2 adults. But I did enjoy the brunch buffet and pigging out on an assortment of items. I've also decided to have a non-vegetarian pregnancy so my new love - BACON.

We lounged around for the rest of the day and caught up on DVR'd shows. Oh, life is sweet without the 2 terrors. I can't say I really miss them, in fact I'm dreading their arrival. If they were BOTH sweet and loving and got along for more than 2 minutes, maybe I'd want them home sooner rather than later. The week of their appointments will also start as soon as they get home. So we were both devastated when we asked for them to come home at 4:00 and the respite provider said she'd be in town (for her other foster placement) around 12. I guess our peace and leisure had to end at some point.

random bits

My internet explorer has been down since Wednesday afternoon. It went down almost immediately after Mary left on her trip with the laptop. Fabulous. Luckily, my phone can access the web so I haven’t been entirely set back in communication but it still sucked. I managed to removed some programs that looked suspicious so that seemed to fix it but we definitely need to update our virus software.

Anywho, Wednesday sucked in general but I managed to get the kids off to no man’s land. I brought them to McD’s after school to kill some time before heading to respite. Their pre-schools are north of here and so is respite – I didn’t want to back track. McD’s was a mad house! Usually the one near their school isn’t so bad (at least not as crazy as the one in our town) but it was packed, we just barely got a place to sit. The boys were both off their rockers along with all the other kids. I usually have ear plugs in my purse (I use them for long rides with the boys - I know, I'm terrible) but they weren’t there. So I planned on staying there until 6:30 but we left just after 6 since I couldn’t take it anymore. So I tried to drive slowly but still managed to get to the respite house at 7:15. Nobody was home which I figured may happen since they said 7:30.

But Mary hadn’t written down the house number on the directions so I went by memory of the last time. I’m like great, I’m sitting at someone’s trailer in the middle of nowhere. Luckily, it was them! They arrived a lil’ before 7:30. C2 did his stiff weight thing when I tried to get him out of the car. Finally I managed to pry him out and he was fine once we got in & he saw toys. Of course, when I asked C1 for a hug when I was leaving, he said, “No”. The kid is such a lil’ bastard. Needless to say, I wasn’t sad leaving them but rather relieved the entire way home.

And I’m still enjoying the freedom! Yesterday I went down to Portland to meet my friend Melissa & her son Jackson. She lives in northern Mass. so we thought it would be fun to meet in Portland to have lunch and tool around. I wish we lived closer or IN Portland, it is a cute little city and much closer to cool Maine places. So we walked around and had lunch at a yummy wood fired pizza place. Another thing I miss about being in Boston is good gourmet pizza.

When I left, I had thought of going to Babies R Us in Portland since we don’t have one around here but decided against it. I was getting tired and I had left Chloe & BoBo (so Chloe would have someone to play with) in the garage. I fell asleep on the couch around 6 and then when I woke up, immediately went to bed at 8. So pathetic but I guess that is being prego.

Today, I have been enjoying my freedom and doing some errands and cleaning. It is another dreary day around here as it has been most of the week. Mary will get home tomorrow afternoon hopefully with no car troubles since she probalby won't have her cell phone.

Mary is anti-purse and anti-bag so I am usually her purse. She had dinner with a friend in D.C. last night and had her hold her stuff. Well, she left her phone with her. Her friend lives an hour outside of D.C. so who knows how she’ll get her phone back. Of course, I was like, how drunk were you? LOL. She claims she only had 3 beers. Oh, my crazy wife.

And I finally managed to get an apptmt with a midwife. Nobody called me back from earlier in the week so I called a few more today and finally scored an apptmt. It's not until Dec 4 when I'll be 8 weeks. I had read that some OBs/Midwifes won't see you until 6-8 weeks so I was hoping for closer to 6 weeks. Oh well, at least I have an apptmt. Mary said I needed to see a dr. before our trip. It's the day before - LOL.

A Blog Shout Out

I don't know them IRL but I've enjoyed reading their blogs.

Congratulations to Steph & Carey (of infertilepediatrician and uterus times 2) on the birth of their son Hudson. Mary & I had kind of joked about having babies at the same time. But they are actually doing it - and having 3 total! Yikes! It will definitely be interesting to watch their journey with "lesbian triplets".

Florida & Our Lil' Doggie

So we have made the decision to all go to Florida at the beginning of December for the dreaded wedding. Who knew something as fun as a wedding could cause so much drama? Anywho, it should be CRAZY.

I basically threw down the rules of how things are going to be. So we are flying direct from an airport that's very close (thank god we don't have to drive to Portland), are renting a place, Mary's other sister is looking into a babysitter, and Mary's promised to take on more cooking/cleaning than last time when it was pretty much all on me.

I'm definitely freaking out about bringing the boys though. They are so hyper active and out of control lately. Even C2 seems to become more defiant everyday. He's usually the sweet one that doesn't really do anything bad. I'm also not a good flyer so I'm always anxious about flying.

Hopefully Mary will do everything in her power to make it a minimal stress time. Not to put it all on her but I am the prego one and it is her family...and they can be pretty overwhelming. There are 6 siblings total so it gets crazy. Sometimes her mom isn't talking to her dad so won't be at things he's at which makes it even crazier. Hopefully this isn't one of those times. Anywho, since we'll be renting a place hopefully there will be times that I can stay back while she carts the boys around to family events.

On a positive note, I am definitely looking forward to getting out of Maine in December. Already I'm FREEZING. I think it will also be much easier this time since we're flying direct from a nearby airport. Last time, we had to drive down to Portland (about 2.5 hours away), had a lay over in NY, and once we were on the plane we sat for over an hour before taking off. It sucked! We're also going to take C2 to the doctors beforehand to see what they recommend to ward off sickness. He always gets sick when we travel.

Oh, the topper, we've decided to bring Georgia down so we'll be traveling with 2 kids and a dog. Oh, I wish we had a video camera. All 7 pounds of Georgia had a rough winter in Maine last year. Mary's mom offered to take her until the Spring so we finally decided to take her up on the offer. I was against it since I love my lil' Georgie but I can see she is already not wanting to go outside. Aside from it being rough on her, at age 8, she's still not perfectly trained and we just can't have her not wanting to go outside. We plan on getting her back in the Spring which will hopefully happen. She is technically Mary's dog but ever since she's lived with the 2 of us, she's been in love & obsessed with her favorite mommy - ME :-) LOL!

OBs & Respite

The medical process is quite strange in Maine. I was hoping that finding an OB/GYN or midwife would be easier than the months it took to obtain a PCP when we first moved here. Unfortunately, it seems it's mostly the same process. At least they're not sending me an "application" like I had for getting a PCP. They just took a slew of information and will see if I'm accepted. Kind of crazy. I think it's that the system in Maine is inundated with people on public service.

I gave the information for an OB and the midwife that my dr recommended. Unfortunately, she won't be in until Thursday so I'll wait it out. In a pregnancy book I have, it recommends having consultations with multiple providers. I don't think that's going to be possible around here so hopefully she "accepts" me and I like her.

In other news, the boys are going to respite tomorrow night until Monday morning.
I must say Hallelujah!!!! LOL. We are in serious need of a break and I knew I couldn't handle time by myself with them. Mary will be away from Wed-Sat....it seems like she was just away.

I get so jealous when I talk to my mom and hear that lil' Seamus (my nephew) is sleeping over. He sleeps over at least once/week. I wish I had that! Plus, he is a 3 year old that lets his parents sleep in. If only!

Anywho, the boys are staying with the crazy that I've previously mentioned. Not our first choice but whatever, we'll take what we can get at this point. It seems weird though because she has a current placement (plus 2 children of her own). They live in a "double wide" so I'm not sure where she's going to fit the boys. She also said she can't take them until 7:30 p.m. and she needed us (us being me since Mary is leaving at noon) to bring them there. Taken, I'm glad they'll be gone, but I hate driving in the night & it's an hour north in the middle of no where. Hopefully I don't hit a moose.

Now What do I do?

O.k., so now that I've actually gotten a positive pee test, I'm like what do I do??? Up until this point, all my research and knowledge has been about getting pregnant not being pregnant.

So I've been trying to research OBs and mid-wives. My preference is to go with a mid-wife. My gyn that was doing by insems' is just a gyn, not an OB. Plus, I feel it would be a little weird to have the woman that got me pregnant delivering the baby. LOL.

Mary thought I should call my doctor for a blood test. I figured I'd just try to schedule an appointment with a mid-wife. Hmmm...I guess I'll call one and they can tell me. My gyn had recommended someone last year and I found that she was covered under my insurance. Now I went to look again on the insurance look-up thingy and she's no where to be found.

Oh well, I'm sure I will find someone. I'm also a total worry wart. Of course, I'm happy but I am so paranoid that all of a sudden I'm not going to be prego. Every time I go to the bathroom, I'm worried there's going to be bleeding. Hopefully this worry will subside or it's going to be a LONG 9 months.

Big Fat POSITIVE

FINALLY! FINALLY! FINALLY!...That's all I can say.

And, oh yeah...



I'm PREGNANT!

Maybe it was the Clomid & Trigger Shot (probably), maybe it was the red raspberry leaf tea, maybe it was the donor's fabulous sperm, maybe it was the blog support. Whatever it was, I'm FINALLY PREGNANT :-)

AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

2ww is ALMOST over

Now, for the subject I've been trying to avoid - my two week wait. It is FINALLY nearing the end. I feel like the first week went by nicely, I think it usually does because during that time there's no inclination of being prego even if you are going to be. Does that make any sense? :-)

Implantation and a potential positive test happens in the 2nd week. And as you get to the end of the 2nd week, you know you're going to know and it may not be the result your hoping & praying for. This creates ANXIETY.

I don't feel overly confident. I had some random nausea earlier in the week which I was excited about. Yes, excited about being nauseous. LOL. But it only lasted a day so probably wasn't a prego symptom. Mary keeps telling me to have a more positive attitude but I don't want to set myself up for a huge letdown.

I feel like Mary has been way more into this cycle. For a while, I had been feeling like she was adopting 2 kids and I was trying to have a baby. Plus, she always has so much going on with work. But this cycle she's been getting very excited about having a baby, more like when we first started trying. And I had mentioned taking next cycle off if it didn't work this cycle and she said, "I don't think you should do that at all" I was surprised because I thought, at least for our budget, she'd be happy I was not going to try next month.

I've also been more relaxed with caffeine this time. I had read some medical articles last month and found an awesome website on caffeine amounts so I've been going with caffeine in moderation opposed to completely avoiding it. So I'm enjoying 1 cup of tea/day and the occasional soy chai. Though I've still been avoiding a high amount of soy. I had some feta cheese the other day and Mary was all, "your being so rebellious this time". LOL. I actually hadn't thought about the feta. In fact, the soft cheese thing seems so ridiculous. What do women in France do?

So my 2ww is ALMOST over. My ticker says 2 days to testing but it's more like 3 or 4. My period is due on Monday and will be late on Tuesday so on 1 of those days I'll be testing (or not). AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!! It's going to be a high strung weekend.

sometimes we're not super star foster parents

Mary stayed home today so I got out of the dreaded deed of picking up the boys from their bio mom visit.

When she got home, she told me they had dressed up for Halloween there. Apparently, C2 dressed up as a princess. I asked Mary, "What was C1?" and she said, "probably mad that C2 took the princess outfit". LOL!

Of course, visit day is not all full of laughs. Each time, their mother proudly exclaims how much sugary products they consumed in a 3 hour span. Today, she listed off brownies (I'm sure the ones you get a in a wrapper that have that weird frosting on them since she's tried to send them home with them before), pudding, and donuts.

We do serious things all week avoiding sugary foods and processed junk in general. It's not only not healthy but they get crazy on sugar. It actually fuels some of C1's neurotic behaviors. Of course, the boys occasionally get a treat (in moderation) but it's usually home made or the occasional munchkin from Dunkins'.

Even last night, the Great Pumpkin came and took all the Halloween candy and left prizes - more cars & a race track for their cars. But of course, all our efforts are negated every Thursday.

Mary was giving C1 his afternoon snack of carrots & string cheese. He said, "I want pudding and donuts like mama gives me!". Mary kind of lost it and started telling him how bad those things are for you and that in our house, we eat food that's good for you. Then realized she crossed since he nearly started crying. Oh, it's a long & difficult road we travel.

I also pulled a bad foster parent move when this morning, C1 kept saying "we're going to check to see if mama's there". After about the 5th time, I said, "o.k., sweetie, I don't want to talk about mama". As soon as I said it, I realized it was not a very nice thing to say. I mostly just didn't want him to repeat the same thing over and over. But needless to say, as much as I want to rip the women's head off, to the boys, she's "mama", the good one...that doesn't discipline & brings them sugary products if she shows up once/week. Oy.

A Strange Evening

Well, Halloween went well until the end of the evening. I met Mary & the kids at the mall so we could get a jump start on the trick-or-treating that began at 5. It was crowded but it was pretty organized so moved along pretty good.

Then we went home for a quick dinner and went around the neighborhood. Our neighborhood was packed! Probably only about 30% of the people actually live in our neighborhood. The others just drive around. Now last year it was pretty chilly and a little bit rainy so I didn't think much of people driving. This year, it was actually pretty nice out. And they don't just drive and drop the kids at the end of the street, they drive to every house. It is just sort of disgusting to me. Many of the kids are already over-weight in this area, now they're being driven around to collect candy. Ugh.

Anywho, the boys did have a lot of fun trick-or-treating. They were thrilled to be able to stay up late and run around outside at night. And since we don't have street lights, they were very hapy to wear glow sticks.

Now comes the crazy bad part. Before we left, Mary asked me to get my keys and I did. However, there was no house key on them. A few weeks ago when I was gettting an alignment for my car, Mary made me take the house key off of them and I never put it back on. I usually use the garage opener in my car to get into the house.

Nonetheless, it sucked! I went in the back of our house to check to see if any windows were unlocked. Mary comes back and says we're going across the street, the woman said we could wait there. I thought this was a nice gesture but I tried to tell Mary to say no, saying we don't have normal kids to bring to the neighbors. But Mary was psychotic about the entire thing and insisted even with mild temperatures we needed to wait inside.

There I found out that they not only have the nicest looking house on our street on the outside but also on the inside complete with lots of formal furniture. The boys acted as if they had entered a fun house and began jumping on everything. The woman was very nice about it, she's like it's kid proof (keep in mind, all her children are college age so now is there time to have nice stuff). I'm like, oh yeah, Queen Ann chairs are meant to be bounced on. It was just insane.

The other weird thing was she thought C2 was a girl. Mary of course didn't notice this at all (for an extremely intelligent person, my wife pays zero attention to details) and I felt weird letting her know he's a boy. Earlier when we went trick-or-treating there, she said to C1, let your sister have some. Then she kept referring to him as "she" when we were at her house. I mean he has a pretty feminine face but he's 2. We've also cut off the crazy curly hair he had when he first came to us. Needless to say, he looks like a boy and was dressed as Super Man. It was strange.

Mary called about 10 locksmiths with no luck and then FINALLY got in touch with her friend Todd that has a key to our house. Luckily, he was finished trick-or-treating with his son so came by with the key.

This just seems to be our typical luck since moving to Maine. What can go wrong, will and what can't go wrong, will! Luckily, I have gone from wanting to bash my head into a wall to laughing about the boys craziness at the woman's house and the awkwardness of the situation.

In other amusing Halloween things, here's some pics' of Georgia in her lobster costume. I felt like she looked more like she got eaten by a lobster rather than dressed up as one. LOL. But she was a good sport about wearing the costume.