So I'm kind of in shock. I mean, we had said we'd adopt C2 and that unfortunately we just couldn't handle C1. We also felt that their sibling relationship was not something that required both of them to be adopted to the same home. C1 has high needs and also has a lot of animosity towards his brother. And in the scheme of their life, they only lived together for a few months (C1 had been with his grandmother and C2 with his great-grandmother) before coming to live with us.
Needless to say, we were told by everyone that they were going to keep them together no matter what. And nobody was really listening to what we were telling them until we contacted the guardian ad litem (GAL) a few weeks ago. He actually listened to us and did some research into their relationship and what would be best for both boys in the long run. Of course, we didn't actually know he was taking it to heart and just thought he was thinking we were crazy or favoring C2 like everyone else seemed to think.
Apparently, this all came to a head yesterday and he pulled some weight and submitted a report on people he had talked to that actually were in contact with the boys for more than 45 minutes including us and people we've used for respite. It was unanimous that they would be a huge task if not impossible for an adoptive family to take on. And showed that we had gone above and beyond and if anybody would be able to handle the boys it would be us.
Needless to say, Mary had talked briefly with the adoption worker yesterday when she was setting up the meeting who mentioned they "may be splitting the boys". She was shocked as we thought this wasn't even under consideration anymore. I had talked to her about this. Then apparently she talked to the GAL and he told her it was definitely happening. I never got a chance to talk to Mary and be clued in on this so I was thrown to say the least when we met with the adoption worker. I thought it was weird that she was only asking things about C1. Since I thought this meeting was for us to talk about the boys in terms of what kind of adoptive family they (they being the key word) should go to and their personality traits. Then she was all, we'll talk about the process for you guys to adopt the younger boy.
Anywho, I'm sort of in limbo on what to feel. I'm happy and at the same time freaking out. Since I thought this wasn't a possibility at this point. I was kind of focusing on getting the boys into an adoptive home ASAP so we could have some down time before baby. And obviously getting used to the idea that having one child (that we're prepared for) would be nice. But I'm sure I'll adjust, I love C2 and I know that he has a real attachment to Mary and me. So I will hope this is what's meant to be and that it will work out in the scheme of our family.
C2 is available for adoption as in both parents are passed the time of an appeal. So *knock on wood* things will probably happen pretty quickly as far as the adoption is concerned. Of course, I'm still a little hesitant to feel this way since I know DHS and who knows if any other bio family members will try to put a wrench in things.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
Yikes
So apparently we are adopting C2. ...Trying to absorb the shock and sudden change of events so more on that later.
Cry Baby Wednesday
I'm not sure how but I got stuck with C2 home today but thank goodness for nap time. Yes, the boys were already home as of last night. Mary picked them up around 9:00 p.m. - luckily, she agreed to drop me off first so I wouldn't have to go the extra 1.5 hours to pick them up at respite. Sometimes being prego does work to my advantage. Of course, we could have just picked them up this morning but Mary didn't want C1 to miss his therapy. We find it totally pointless if not detrimental lately so I'm not sure why she saw it so crucial but whatever.
C1 and C2 must've bonded at respite since C2 is being just as manic as him today. Every thing's up and down from laughing and being silly to crying over nothing. I'm not sure what's going on since he's not usually like this. I guess maybe the transition but he's driving me a little bit crazy. Also, since I picked up Chloe at the kennel she's been crying too so now I've had to deal with a crying kid and dog. Aaaaah!!!! Why does everyone in this house seem to have abandonment issues? LOL.
The caseworker and some adoption worker are coming over later today. I'm not sure why the adoption worker didn't want to meet with us at a time when the boys were not around since she wants to talk about the boys. We don't have infants here, these boys can here and absorb things. She also mentioned that now they are thinking of splitting the boys. Geez, this stuff seems to change daily. I'd like to know either way and soon so I can like, plan my life.
C1 and C2 must've bonded at respite since C2 is being just as manic as him today. Every thing's up and down from laughing and being silly to crying over nothing. I'm not sure what's going on since he's not usually like this. I guess maybe the transition but he's driving me a little bit crazy. Also, since I picked up Chloe at the kennel she's been crying too so now I've had to deal with a crying kid and dog. Aaaaah!!!! Why does everyone in this house seem to have abandonment issues? LOL.
The caseworker and some adoption worker are coming over later today. I'm not sure why the adoption worker didn't want to meet with us at a time when the boys were not around since she wants to talk about the boys. We don't have infants here, these boys can here and absorb things. She also mentioned that now they are thinking of splitting the boys. Geez, this stuff seems to change daily. I'd like to know either way and soon so I can like, plan my life.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Some how, Mary got me back to Maine
We're back from Boston...o.k., we actually stayed in Cambridge. We dropped the boys at respite, the dog at the kennel, and headed down. I had us do a stop in Portland so Mary could experience the yummy pizza place my friend Melissa introduced me to.
I did discover that I'm definitely a Boston girl and not so much Cambridge. I did live in the Cambridge area for about a year but the last place I lived in was Boston proper *Back Bay specifically* for about 4 years. That's also the area we usually stay in and well, I'm just more familiar and things seem more compact and easier to get to.
Oh and I'm not super rich Back Bay material. I was a live in concierge...instead of getting paid, I got an apartment. Despite being pretty large for Boston standards, the apartment was kind of yucky but location, location, location. It was the most pimp location so even though the extremely rich residents that I worked for abused my self esteem most of the time, I lived where they lived. hehehe.
Anywho, I got to enjoy a few days of "vacation" while Mary of course worked - aside from a dinner on Sunday with university people, she had a full day of interviewing and then hooked up with her Harvard team. I actually got to talk and socialize with other adults and somehow I managed to remember how. Though I'm so used to the blog it was hard to refer to the boys by their actual names and not C1 and C2. ha!
Oh, there is this new Charlie Card system with Boston's "T". For those of you that don't know, "the T" is the public transportation system. I felt like a freakin' clueless tourist *wicked dumb ;-)* because I had no idea how to use these Charlie Cards or Charlie Tickets (yes, apparently they're 2 different things and charge 2 different rates). So I was missing the old system of tokens and purchasing them from humans.
Anywho, I managed. Monday I met my friend Connie for coffee in the a.m. We started TTC at the same time - she has a 5 month old. Funny how things work but of course she was using fresh sperm - her husband's. LOL. I have to hand it to her since she's working full time and doing a crazy commute in and out of the city. She's also managed to lose what seemed to be all the baby weight and then some though she claims to have a couple of pounds to go.
Then I headed back to Cambridge area to meet my friend Melissa (and her son Jackson, he's at a great age where he doesn't talk and goes with the flow) for lunch. That was a lot of fun. Melissa's a full time super mom and can actually hang out during the day for more than an hour. That night, Mary and I had lunch at my favorite Mexcian restaurant (score one for Cambridge).
And today is Mary's birthday so she actually scheduled her meetings for a little bit later. So we had breakfast together though she only wanted Au Bon Pain (hey, we don't have it in Maine) since she always wants a croissant. Seriously, she should want to move back to Boston just for croissants. Then I tooled around Boston until I met my friend Alison for lunch. She's recently engaged so I got to see her beautiful bling.
I packed lots of peeps in since I haven't been down in a while and of course I'm in dire need of social contact. Of course, every one's excited at our potential move back. But we'll see. Mary thought things went well but this process is very slow and selective so we'll just wait and see. And until we hear something, I'll TRY not to think about it *as I browse craigslist for apartments* ;-)
I did discover that I'm definitely a Boston girl and not so much Cambridge. I did live in the Cambridge area for about a year but the last place I lived in was Boston proper *Back Bay specifically* for about 4 years. That's also the area we usually stay in and well, I'm just more familiar and things seem more compact and easier to get to.
Oh and I'm not super rich Back Bay material. I was a live in concierge...instead of getting paid, I got an apartment. Despite being pretty large for Boston standards, the apartment was kind of yucky but location, location, location. It was the most pimp location so even though the extremely rich residents that I worked for abused my self esteem most of the time, I lived where they lived. hehehe.
Anywho, I got to enjoy a few days of "vacation" while Mary of course worked - aside from a dinner on Sunday with university people, she had a full day of interviewing and then hooked up with her Harvard team. I actually got to talk and socialize with other adults and somehow I managed to remember how. Though I'm so used to the blog it was hard to refer to the boys by their actual names and not C1 and C2. ha!
Oh, there is this new Charlie Card system with Boston's "T". For those of you that don't know, "the T" is the public transportation system. I felt like a freakin' clueless tourist *wicked dumb ;-)* because I had no idea how to use these Charlie Cards or Charlie Tickets (yes, apparently they're 2 different things and charge 2 different rates). So I was missing the old system of tokens and purchasing them from humans.
Anywho, I managed. Monday I met my friend Connie for coffee in the a.m. We started TTC at the same time - she has a 5 month old. Funny how things work but of course she was using fresh sperm - her husband's. LOL. I have to hand it to her since she's working full time and doing a crazy commute in and out of the city. She's also managed to lose what seemed to be all the baby weight and then some though she claims to have a couple of pounds to go.
Then I headed back to Cambridge area to meet my friend Melissa (and her son Jackson, he's at a great age where he doesn't talk and goes with the flow) for lunch. That was a lot of fun. Melissa's a full time super mom and can actually hang out during the day for more than an hour. That night, Mary and I had lunch at my favorite Mexcian restaurant (score one for Cambridge).
And today is Mary's birthday so she actually scheduled her meetings for a little bit later. So we had breakfast together though she only wanted Au Bon Pain (hey, we don't have it in Maine) since she always wants a croissant. Seriously, she should want to move back to Boston just for croissants. Then I tooled around Boston until I met my friend Alison for lunch. She's recently engaged so I got to see her beautiful bling.
I packed lots of peeps in since I haven't been down in a while and of course I'm in dire need of social contact. Of course, every one's excited at our potential move back. But we'll see. Mary thought things went well but this process is very slow and selective so we'll just wait and see. And until we hear something, I'll TRY not to think about it *as I browse craigslist for apartments* ;-)
Friday, January 25, 2008
Spermies
So I'm pregnant. The last thing on my mind should be ordering sperm. But we plan on having more children. Since Mary will carry the next child, I thought it would be nice if they were at least biological 1/2 siblings. And I was a fan of our donor since he had really good sperm that finally got me preggers.
Anywho, we kind of put off looking into since we didn't want to think about ordering more sperm for a while. And well, we just don't have thousands of dollars sitting around. We were also debating how much to order - I want 2 children total, Mary wants 4. And of course there's the how many tries will it take so the number of vials to order is a crap shoot.
So a little while ago, I got an email from the cryobank we used with yet another price increase. *oy* Then today I decided to pop on and check out the donor and well, there's no more jizz available. So apparently our decision has been made for us. I also thinks this makes banking cord blood more important, Mary however hasn't been on the cord blood band wagon with me. Oh well, cord blood banking is a post for another time.
Anywho, we kind of put off looking into since we didn't want to think about ordering more sperm for a while. And well, we just don't have thousands of dollars sitting around. We were also debating how much to order - I want 2 children total, Mary wants 4. And of course there's the how many tries will it take so the number of vials to order is a crap shoot.
So a little while ago, I got an email from the cryobank we used with yet another price increase. *oy* Then today I decided to pop on and check out the donor and well, there's no more jizz available. So apparently our decision has been made for us. I also thinks this makes banking cord blood more important, Mary however hasn't been on the cord blood band wagon with me. Oh well, cord blood banking is a post for another time.
Frustration
A friend of Mary's just had twin girls. They're named Maitlyn and Braiden. Isn't Braiden a boy's name? And I'm not sure what Maitlyn is. I don't know, I'm obsessed with names lately and fear giving my child some crazy name. Mary was on the phone with her friend the other day and we were trying to get the names out of her, no wonder why she wasn't telling anyone. LOL.
But I am happy for her and her hubby. They went through a couple of years of trying and fertility crap. Then they stopped the fertility clinic process because it was well, stressful. They figured this would also end the risk of multiples and boom, she ends up prego with twins without the aide of fertility meds'.
On to my vent. Lately, I feel like I'm second fiddle to "the boys". Mary is just all about the boys, all she talks about is what C1 and C2 did, caseworker conversations, respite conversations, therapy conversations. It's driving me crazy. Then she was saying how she felt bad since this semester she's teaching 2 classes so they've been in daycare/pre-school for longer days. I noted that 2/5 days C1 gets there later because of therapy and 1/5 for C2. Plus, she's been taking them out early on Fridays.
She was obsessed with bringing C2 to Boston like it was going to prove a point to the caseworker. I don't think they're suddenly going to change their mind about us adopting C2 if we bring him to Boston for a couple of days. Afterall, we've brought both of the boys to Florida twice (including trips to Disney World and SeaWorld) and to Boston at least 3 times.
Then last night, I mentioned that I was so excited to go to Boston on Sunday and have some alone time. Her response was, well, I want to have fun with the boys on Saturday. I mean, it's nice that Mary cares so much about the boys. She's a very caring person. But lately it's like what about me? I'm alone all day. At least the kid's are playing and having fun at school. Anytime they're picked up it's a huge process to convince them to leave. I don't know, I'm just ready for this crap to be done and have my life and Mary back. And meanwhile, I feel like there is no end in sight to the process with the boys. I'm lonely to say the least and I'm annoyed that this is all occurring during my first pregnancy when I should be happy.
But I am happy for her and her hubby. They went through a couple of years of trying and fertility crap. Then they stopped the fertility clinic process because it was well, stressful. They figured this would also end the risk of multiples and boom, she ends up prego with twins without the aide of fertility meds'.
On to my vent. Lately, I feel like I'm second fiddle to "the boys". Mary is just all about the boys, all she talks about is what C1 and C2 did, caseworker conversations, respite conversations, therapy conversations. It's driving me crazy. Then she was saying how she felt bad since this semester she's teaching 2 classes so they've been in daycare/pre-school for longer days. I noted that 2/5 days C1 gets there later because of therapy and 1/5 for C2. Plus, she's been taking them out early on Fridays.
She was obsessed with bringing C2 to Boston like it was going to prove a point to the caseworker. I don't think they're suddenly going to change their mind about us adopting C2 if we bring him to Boston for a couple of days. Afterall, we've brought both of the boys to Florida twice (including trips to Disney World and SeaWorld) and to Boston at least 3 times.
Then last night, I mentioned that I was so excited to go to Boston on Sunday and have some alone time. Her response was, well, I want to have fun with the boys on Saturday. I mean, it's nice that Mary cares so much about the boys. She's a very caring person. But lately it's like what about me? I'm alone all day. At least the kid's are playing and having fun at school. Anytime they're picked up it's a huge process to convince them to leave. I don't know, I'm just ready for this crap to be done and have my life and Mary back. And meanwhile, I feel like there is no end in sight to the process with the boys. I'm lonely to say the least and I'm annoyed that this is all occurring during my first pregnancy when I should be happy.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
And it keeps on going...
I've been so sleepy sleepy so haven't been doing much. We leave for Boston on Sunday so I'm excited about that. I was also able to convince Mary to put both kids in respite. We had been toying with the idea of bringing C2. Mary really wanted to bring him though I'm the one that will be watching him. C2 hates to walk and the only stroller we have is a double one that absolutely sucks. Plus, I knew C1 would be very angry to learn that we took C2 and not him. We've been making sure to keep C1's feelings and vulnerable personality in consideration. He gets very excited to go on "special sleepovers" (a/k/a respite) but he would definitely feel slighted that we took C2 to Boston and not him. So luckily, our saint of a respite worker is taking them both.
We are actually going to have some adult time! Every time we've used respite in months and months it's been to cover Mary's biz trips and we haven't utilized our babysitter in quite some time. Now we're going to have 2 nights without children. Yay!!!
And just when I was thinking C1 might be in a good space. Not having him around on the weekends puts us in a fictitious environment. Yesterday, he head butted a kid at school after an "amazing" therapy session. Lovely. Then when the teacher asked him to apologize, he threw his glasses at her. They were pretty surprised since his flip outs at school are rare but we've seen many of head butts towards C2. The kid has a huge head (90th percentile) so apparently he's realized it can cause pain.
Mary and I are sort of in awe too that he keeps having weird outbursts after therapy sessions especially for the past month or so. His school has mentioned that he's been emotional after therapy sessions or has had behavioral issues. When mentioned to his play therapist, she doesn't seem to give a flap. After all, he's doing "amazing" in the sessions. She was pretty pissed one time when I mentioned that he manipulates her since he knows what she wants and how to act in a limited time frame. Her response was "that's how life is". I said life isn't about manipulation. She's a *bad word*.
We are actually going to have some adult time! Every time we've used respite in months and months it's been to cover Mary's biz trips and we haven't utilized our babysitter in quite some time. Now we're going to have 2 nights without children. Yay!!!
And just when I was thinking C1 might be in a good space. Not having him around on the weekends puts us in a fictitious environment. Yesterday, he head butted a kid at school after an "amazing" therapy session. Lovely. Then when the teacher asked him to apologize, he threw his glasses at her. They were pretty surprised since his flip outs at school are rare but we've seen many of head butts towards C2. The kid has a huge head (90th percentile) so apparently he's realized it can cause pain.
Mary and I are sort of in awe too that he keeps having weird outbursts after therapy sessions especially for the past month or so. His school has mentioned that he's been emotional after therapy sessions or has had behavioral issues. When mentioned to his play therapist, she doesn't seem to give a flap. After all, he's doing "amazing" in the sessions. She was pretty pissed one time when I mentioned that he manipulates her since he knows what she wants and how to act in a limited time frame. Her response was "that's how life is". I said life isn't about manipulation. She's a *bad word*.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Pondering
I had an interview with a temp agency this morning. I wish everyone interviewed like a temp agency - just testing skills instead of asking weird questions. I'm looking forward to getting out of the house but at the same time I'm not looking forward to having an inflexible schedule. I guess we'll see what happens. I did have to laugh because the position she mentioned is covering some one's maternity leave - obviously, I'm not letting them know I'm prego.
We're basically trying to get some extra money for baby stuff. We're financially set for me to stay home when baby arrives but we don't have a lot of savings sitting around to purchase cribs and whatnot. And even though we plan on a baby sleeping in a bassinet in our room for the first little while, I'm already obsessed with the nursery.
Of course, our crazy tax situation plays a part since I'm trying to cap the money I make to still be claimed as a dependent. Oh, lordie, lordie. There's also the factor of possibly moving back to Mass. Since we're considered married there, I don't think Mary could claim me as a dependent anyways.
The possible move to Mass has sort of thrown a wrench in things. After all, if we have the baby in Mass we're both able to be on the birth certificate. We'd still have to do a second parent adoption to secure things but right off the bat we'd be on a birth certificate. Then god forbid something happen to me before a second parent adoption was finalized, Mary would have some rights or at least be able to prove that she's a parent to the child. Oh, being gay and having children is complicated.
It's also unlikely that we'd be able to move to Mass. before we have the baby or it would be a few weeks before which would be a lot of fun to find an OB/midwife. O.K., I don't even want to think about this - I think my brain is going to implode.
So I'll be happy to know if we're moving - either way. Though I'll probably be slightly depressed if we're not.
We're basically trying to get some extra money for baby stuff. We're financially set for me to stay home when baby arrives but we don't have a lot of savings sitting around to purchase cribs and whatnot. And even though we plan on a baby sleeping in a bassinet in our room for the first little while, I'm already obsessed with the nursery.
Of course, our crazy tax situation plays a part since I'm trying to cap the money I make to still be claimed as a dependent. Oh, lordie, lordie. There's also the factor of possibly moving back to Mass. Since we're considered married there, I don't think Mary could claim me as a dependent anyways.
The possible move to Mass has sort of thrown a wrench in things. After all, if we have the baby in Mass we're both able to be on the birth certificate. We'd still have to do a second parent adoption to secure things but right off the bat we'd be on a birth certificate. Then god forbid something happen to me before a second parent adoption was finalized, Mary would have some rights or at least be able to prove that she's a parent to the child. Oh, being gay and having children is complicated.
It's also unlikely that we'd be able to move to Mass. before we have the baby or it would be a few weeks before which would be a lot of fun to find an OB/midwife. O.K., I don't even want to think about this - I think my brain is going to implode.
So I'll be happy to know if we're moving - either way. Though I'll probably be slightly depressed if we're not.
An Actual Good Weekend
We had a good weekend with just C2 or I guess I should say "superman" since that's what he likes to be called. Everything lately is about Superman, giants, and rocket ships. Since most everything revolves around the fragile C1 here, I sometimes forget what a funny personality C2 has. I was commenting to Mary that it was the best weekend we've had in a long time. I had no anxiety about flip outs and we were actually able to do some fun stuff without disagreement.
Mary was also thrilled since she actually got some time to herself. Since I've been pregnant, I'm not willing to watch C1 on my own nor is Mary willing to leave him with me. The thought of him possibly kicking or punching me in the stomach or just the stress of one of his flip outs is too much. So aside from working all week, Mary also has to be around all weekend. Saturday I was able to give her pretty much the entire day to shop and get her hair cut. We met for lunch in the middle of this which was nice.
Sunday we went to the gym. Mary played soccer with C2 while I worked out. Then I took him to the pool while Mary worked out. And well, it worked out for everyone :-) With both boys, I just wouldn't have been able to "swim them" both in the pool. Note to self: make sure we start the baby swimming EARLY on.
My only annoyance, as predicted watching the game with C2 was not the best. I'm a little bit into football, I joke that the football season gets me through the winter. I did grow up in Foxboro (home of the Pats') and my dad had season tickets when I was a little Candice (that's when they sucked). Anywho, I made a layered nacho dip. We said that C2 could eat the chips and whatnot with us. We are pretty strict with no junk food and the kids so he was very excited to join in on "eating like little piggies". I told him he might not like the dip. So for the first 20 minutes of the game, I got to hear "I like it" everytime he'd dip a chip. We also had to section off part of it for him - next time I'll be sure to make him his own since it was totally gross and went way beyond double dipping. It was more like lick the dip off the chip and then dip it again. LOL. But I made it through the game with C2 in my face for most of it and of course the Pats' are going to the Superbowl :-)
Then yesterday, I had him all day. Mary was making another radio appearance and then working. C2 and I did breakfast at McDonald's which he was thrilled to do. Kids & McDonalds - oy. But we had a fun day and I was happy to hand him off to Mary when she returned home with C1 :-) In C1 and C2 fashion, they started fighting immediately.
Mary was also thrilled since she actually got some time to herself. Since I've been pregnant, I'm not willing to watch C1 on my own nor is Mary willing to leave him with me. The thought of him possibly kicking or punching me in the stomach or just the stress of one of his flip outs is too much. So aside from working all week, Mary also has to be around all weekend. Saturday I was able to give her pretty much the entire day to shop and get her hair cut. We met for lunch in the middle of this which was nice.
Sunday we went to the gym. Mary played soccer with C2 while I worked out. Then I took him to the pool while Mary worked out. And well, it worked out for everyone :-) With both boys, I just wouldn't have been able to "swim them" both in the pool. Note to self: make sure we start the baby swimming EARLY on.
My only annoyance, as predicted watching the game with C2 was not the best. I'm a little bit into football, I joke that the football season gets me through the winter. I did grow up in Foxboro (home of the Pats') and my dad had season tickets when I was a little Candice (that's when they sucked). Anywho, I made a layered nacho dip. We said that C2 could eat the chips and whatnot with us. We are pretty strict with no junk food and the kids so he was very excited to join in on "eating like little piggies". I told him he might not like the dip. So for the first 20 minutes of the game, I got to hear "I like it" everytime he'd dip a chip. We also had to section off part of it for him - next time I'll be sure to make him his own since it was totally gross and went way beyond double dipping. It was more like lick the dip off the chip and then dip it again. LOL. But I made it through the game with C2 in my face for most of it and of course the Pats' are going to the Superbowl :-)
Then yesterday, I had him all day. Mary was making another radio appearance and then working. C2 and I did breakfast at McDonald's which he was thrilled to do. Kids & McDonalds - oy. But we had a fun day and I was happy to hand him off to Mary when she returned home with C1 :-) In C1 and C2 fashion, they started fighting immediately.
Monday, January 21, 2008
A Lesson Learned
Renee and Janice posed a question; how did you get into foster care? Since I'm wordy and not sure I've ever given our foster care background in the blog, I'd figured I'd do an entry about it.
We had thought of fostering for a while as both a good thing to do and to possibly adopt a child. When we didn't get pregnant right away, we thought we should look into it. Also, the foster care system is HIGHLY advertised in the area we live in. You can't go anywhere without seeing an ad for it. And many people we've met around here have adopted through the foster care system or are related to someone that has. So we decided, what the hell.
We also thought it would be better to do before we had our own children in the house. I think this is key. I don't recommend anyone fostering that already has children in the home especially younger children. With foster children, you never know who you're bringing into the house. The foster children themselves can have serious issues and you're probably not going to know about them until they're living with you. Also, there is basically zero confidentiality. Something we weren't totally aware of when we started. So you are also letting biological parents that have various issues and may look at you as "stealing their children" know where you live.
Anywho, we originally said we'd take a child under 12 months. We did say we would consider a young sibling pair since we know how hard it can be to place siblings. I guess they took that and ran with it. We weren't even licensed when we got a call about the boys. Mary had just left for work when she called me at 8 a.m. I thought something was probably wrong when I saw her calling so soon after leaving the house. She said she got a call about a sibling pair - C1 and C2. I thought she was joking, I said, "we're not even licensed yet". I mean, I knew we had completed the training and the home study but we hadn't actually gotten the go ahead along with the handy dandy paper license. The decision time has to be quick - we said yes. We were equipped with a crib since we had said we'd take a child under 12 months. We were told C2 slept in a crib so I went out to get C1 a bed and some toys and stuff for 2 & 3 yr olds. They licensed us at 12:00 p.m. and then the boys arrived at 4:00 p.m. We also agreed for their great-grandmother (who they were living with previously) to bring them to our home. This was a huge mistake! We also learned later that it's totally unheard of and the caseworker should have never even asked us to do this. Nonetheless, our saga or lesson in foster care or whatever you may call it continues. I often say I wish we had never done it but then we really do love the boys and we've learned SO much about ourselves as parents and parenting in general. We've basically had a really crazy crash course in parenting.
*And yes, we plan on finding out the baby's gender - that will happen at the 20 week ultrasound*
We had thought of fostering for a while as both a good thing to do and to possibly adopt a child. When we didn't get pregnant right away, we thought we should look into it. Also, the foster care system is HIGHLY advertised in the area we live in. You can't go anywhere without seeing an ad for it. And many people we've met around here have adopted through the foster care system or are related to someone that has. So we decided, what the hell.
We also thought it would be better to do before we had our own children in the house. I think this is key. I don't recommend anyone fostering that already has children in the home especially younger children. With foster children, you never know who you're bringing into the house. The foster children themselves can have serious issues and you're probably not going to know about them until they're living with you. Also, there is basically zero confidentiality. Something we weren't totally aware of when we started. So you are also letting biological parents that have various issues and may look at you as "stealing their children" know where you live.
Anywho, we originally said we'd take a child under 12 months. We did say we would consider a young sibling pair since we know how hard it can be to place siblings. I guess they took that and ran with it. We weren't even licensed when we got a call about the boys. Mary had just left for work when she called me at 8 a.m. I thought something was probably wrong when I saw her calling so soon after leaving the house. She said she got a call about a sibling pair - C1 and C2. I thought she was joking, I said, "we're not even licensed yet". I mean, I knew we had completed the training and the home study but we hadn't actually gotten the go ahead along with the handy dandy paper license. The decision time has to be quick - we said yes. We were equipped with a crib since we had said we'd take a child under 12 months. We were told C2 slept in a crib so I went out to get C1 a bed and some toys and stuff for 2 & 3 yr olds. They licensed us at 12:00 p.m. and then the boys arrived at 4:00 p.m. We also agreed for their great-grandmother (who they were living with previously) to bring them to our home. This was a huge mistake! We also learned later that it's totally unheard of and the caseworker should have never even asked us to do this. Nonetheless, our saga or lesson in foster care or whatever you may call it continues. I often say I wish we had never done it but then we really do love the boys and we've learned SO much about ourselves as parents and parenting in general. We've basically had a really crazy crash course in parenting.
*And yes, we plan on finding out the baby's gender - that will happen at the 20 week ultrasound*
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Food Issues
So it's not uncommon for foster to kids to have some food issues. This was one thing that was actually touched upon in our foster training. Neglect and not always getting food when you actually need it obviously results in "food issues".
The boys definitely have their issues with food which I'm sure is from their short time with their bio mother. They don't go as far as I've heard of some older foster children that hoard food and what not. However, they eat a lot! I have had this confirmed by other parents and both of the boys' schools. You can also see the anxiety on their face if we're late for a meal or run out of food when they want more. Also, god forbid, you attempt to take something away. They freak and usually shove whatever is left on their plate into their mouth. For this reason, we usually try to avoid doing this. Though sometimes it's necessary when C1 is obviously eating slow only to extend dinner. Since following dinner comes bath, stories, and the dreaded bedtime.
At least for the past 11 months I can say they've definitely had consistency with getting food - 5 times/day; that's 3 meals and 2 snacks. And a snack usually resembles what another 3 year old would probably eat for a meal. I mean, they are growing boys but come on, they eat more than me!
The past few days the food issues were quite relevant. Normally, in the morning they'll eat a yogurt and some cereal here. Then they'll get to school and eat another full breakfast - we call this "the second breakfast". I always feel embarrassed if I'm the one bringing them into school. After all, I fed them at home and they run in and immediately sit down for breakfast like they haven't been fed in days. And if breakfast hasn't started yet, they whine and ask the teacher when it will be.
Well, Friday we decided since they had by some miracle woken up a little bit late, they'd leave right away for school to be there in time for breakfast. C1 started to have a minor meltdown stating that he "needed food". I assured him that he would get food as soon as he got to school, that we just weren't having a breakfast here. This didn't seem to help. Since I felt bad, I offered to give him a breakfast bar (this is a Nutrigrain bar) to eat in the car on the way. He was pleased.
So this morning, since C1 was going to respite by himself, Mary had the idea of taking him to McDonald's for breakfast. I thought that was a great idea BUT not to let C2 know. Obviously, C2 is already not going on the "special sleepover" so I definitely didn't want him to know that McDonald's was going to be a prelude to this. I remembered one of the other times Mary was going to do something with just C1. Apparently she told him and said it was a secret, to not tell anyone. He immediately ran to C2 to rub it in his face. Then of course C2 was upset and I had to figure out something special to do with him. I did not want this at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning.
Since we weren't actually telling C1 how he was getting food, we just mentioned that he would eat breakfast on the way, he started to bargain. I was packing his clothes and whatnot for the weekend so he asked if I could pack him a banana and breakfast bar. I said, "no sweetie, I'm sure Mary's going to give you some food on the way". He was not happy with this. Then it was, "can I just have a banana?". Some how we managed to get him out of the house with no packed food. I'm sure he was relieved to hear that he was going to be eating breakfast soon and at McDonald's no less.
Then we had C2 today. We went out to lunch at a normal restaurant - the glory of having only one child around. C2 ate a grilled cheese and corn on the cob along with some apple juice. I know, we're evil and don't get fries. After lunch, we go home and as soon as we walk in the door, he turns to me and says, "I need lunch". I just rolled my eyes.
In other funny things that kid's say. C2 fell down earlier. A minor fall, no tears, I think it was more shock since it was such a random fall. He looked at me and said, "I need my penguin to feel me better". It just cracked me up. *Penguin is one of the many stuffed animals that is usually in tow with C2, we bought him for his birthday and he is rather large.*
The boys definitely have their issues with food which I'm sure is from their short time with their bio mother. They don't go as far as I've heard of some older foster children that hoard food and what not. However, they eat a lot! I have had this confirmed by other parents and both of the boys' schools. You can also see the anxiety on their face if we're late for a meal or run out of food when they want more. Also, god forbid, you attempt to take something away. They freak and usually shove whatever is left on their plate into their mouth. For this reason, we usually try to avoid doing this. Though sometimes it's necessary when C1 is obviously eating slow only to extend dinner. Since following dinner comes bath, stories, and the dreaded bedtime.
At least for the past 11 months I can say they've definitely had consistency with getting food - 5 times/day; that's 3 meals and 2 snacks. And a snack usually resembles what another 3 year old would probably eat for a meal. I mean, they are growing boys but come on, they eat more than me!
The past few days the food issues were quite relevant. Normally, in the morning they'll eat a yogurt and some cereal here. Then they'll get to school and eat another full breakfast - we call this "the second breakfast". I always feel embarrassed if I'm the one bringing them into school. After all, I fed them at home and they run in and immediately sit down for breakfast like they haven't been fed in days. And if breakfast hasn't started yet, they whine and ask the teacher when it will be.
Well, Friday we decided since they had by some miracle woken up a little bit late, they'd leave right away for school to be there in time for breakfast. C1 started to have a minor meltdown stating that he "needed food". I assured him that he would get food as soon as he got to school, that we just weren't having a breakfast here. This didn't seem to help. Since I felt bad, I offered to give him a breakfast bar (this is a Nutrigrain bar) to eat in the car on the way. He was pleased.
So this morning, since C1 was going to respite by himself, Mary had the idea of taking him to McDonald's for breakfast. I thought that was a great idea BUT not to let C2 know. Obviously, C2 is already not going on the "special sleepover" so I definitely didn't want him to know that McDonald's was going to be a prelude to this. I remembered one of the other times Mary was going to do something with just C1. Apparently she told him and said it was a secret, to not tell anyone. He immediately ran to C2 to rub it in his face. Then of course C2 was upset and I had to figure out something special to do with him. I did not want this at 7:00 a.m. on a Saturday morning.
Since we weren't actually telling C1 how he was getting food, we just mentioned that he would eat breakfast on the way, he started to bargain. I was packing his clothes and whatnot for the weekend so he asked if I could pack him a banana and breakfast bar. I said, "no sweetie, I'm sure Mary's going to give you some food on the way". He was not happy with this. Then it was, "can I just have a banana?". Some how we managed to get him out of the house with no packed food. I'm sure he was relieved to hear that he was going to be eating breakfast soon and at McDonald's no less.
Then we had C2 today. We went out to lunch at a normal restaurant - the glory of having only one child around. C2 ate a grilled cheese and corn on the cob along with some apple juice. I know, we're evil and don't get fries. After lunch, we go home and as soon as we walk in the door, he turns to me and says, "I need lunch". I just rolled my eyes.
In other funny things that kid's say. C2 fell down earlier. A minor fall, no tears, I think it was more shock since it was such a random fall. He looked at me and said, "I need my penguin to feel me better". It just cracked me up. *Penguin is one of the many stuffed animals that is usually in tow with C2, we bought him for his birthday and he is rather large.*
Friday, January 18, 2008
Weekend Approaching
It's become a joke with me and Mary since she got this interview in Boston. I say, "I can't believe we're moving back to Boston". The look that Mary gives is quite funny. It's probably stress overcoming her face so I probably shouldn't think it's funny but I do so I start laughing.
C2 is obsessed with Boston, we've taken both the boys down a few times and C2 went with me once on his own. Anytime he's pretending to go somewhere on one of his riding toys or something he's "going to Boston". And as many times as I've told him that Nana Patty (my mom) lives in Ohio now, he's still sure that she lives in Boston.
Apparently he overheard one of the times I joked about moving back to Boston since he told his teachers yesterday that he would miss them when he moved to Boston. This just totally cracked me up. And then I felt sad because even if we do move back, C2 will most likely not be with us. But it's sweet, I'm glad he shares my love for Beantown.
So this weekend we are sans C1. I am definitely relieved. We basically coordinated respite on our own which seems to be the only way to get things done. The older woman that took both the boys last time is going to take him. She was hesitant since she didn't have a joyous respite experience with them but luckily she's nice and feels bad for us. He'll be there Saturday - Monday since Monday is a holiday but Mary still has to work. I've made it clear that I won't watch C1 on his own, never mind the 2 together. Since I've been pregnant, Mary has to deal with him when he has a flip out. Unfortunately, she has to take the brunt of his kicking and hitting as she tries to get him to his room. But she's not pregnant, I think if he kicked me I'd probably go ballistic.
But anywho, Mary's going to bring him on Saturday morning. The woman lives super far away so they agreed to meet about 1/2 way - which is about an hour drive. I told Mary that she should go shopping after since she's had some gift certificates she's wanted to use. She's also going to get her haircut in the afternoon.
Needless to say, since I'll have C2 most of Saturday and Monday, I thought maybe Mary could take him on Sunday afternoon. The Pats' play at 3 which coincidentally is the END of nap time. So I suggested maybe she could take him to McDonald's playground while I watch the game. Mary doesn't like the Patriots or the NFL for that matter so I didn't think it was a big deal. Her response, "I want to watch the game and drink beer". Oy vey. Well, hopefully it will be easier to watch the game with one rugrat around, it's definitely not fun with two who are quite loud and constantly fight.
C2 is obsessed with Boston, we've taken both the boys down a few times and C2 went with me once on his own. Anytime he's pretending to go somewhere on one of his riding toys or something he's "going to Boston". And as many times as I've told him that Nana Patty (my mom) lives in Ohio now, he's still sure that she lives in Boston.
Apparently he overheard one of the times I joked about moving back to Boston since he told his teachers yesterday that he would miss them when he moved to Boston. This just totally cracked me up. And then I felt sad because even if we do move back, C2 will most likely not be with us. But it's sweet, I'm glad he shares my love for Beantown.
So this weekend we are sans C1. I am definitely relieved. We basically coordinated respite on our own which seems to be the only way to get things done. The older woman that took both the boys last time is going to take him. She was hesitant since she didn't have a joyous respite experience with them but luckily she's nice and feels bad for us. He'll be there Saturday - Monday since Monday is a holiday but Mary still has to work. I've made it clear that I won't watch C1 on his own, never mind the 2 together. Since I've been pregnant, Mary has to deal with him when he has a flip out. Unfortunately, she has to take the brunt of his kicking and hitting as she tries to get him to his room. But she's not pregnant, I think if he kicked me I'd probably go ballistic.
But anywho, Mary's going to bring him on Saturday morning. The woman lives super far away so they agreed to meet about 1/2 way - which is about an hour drive. I told Mary that she should go shopping after since she's had some gift certificates she's wanted to use. She's also going to get her haircut in the afternoon.
Needless to say, since I'll have C2 most of Saturday and Monday, I thought maybe Mary could take him on Sunday afternoon. The Pats' play at 3 which coincidentally is the END of nap time. So I suggested maybe she could take him to McDonald's playground while I watch the game. Mary doesn't like the Patriots or the NFL for that matter so I didn't think it was a big deal. Her response, "I want to watch the game and drink beer". Oy vey. Well, hopefully it will be easier to watch the game with one rugrat around, it's definitely not fun with two who are quite loud and constantly fight.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Primary Crap
Election time makes me nervous. I'm basically a one issue voter - gay rights. I nearly had a stroke when I saw Huckabee win Iowa. And it scares me that so much of the nation seems to be affected by what happens in Iowa and New Hampshire. O.K., I don't mind NH so much - afterall, I am a New Englander but still. Needless to say, I was happy to see quite a difference in the results.
John McCain is a Republican but he seems pretty normal or at least he did. He didn't seem like one of the Christian Coalition robots but since he's been running, God seems to come up in a lot of his speeches. Oh Lord *literally*, here we go again.
I go back and forth with the Democrats. I was a registered Democrat up until the last election, I was even able to attend a night of the Democratic National Convention in Boston. I didn't think John Kerry could do anything to lose against George Bush but somehow he did. After the shock and horror left me, I decided to register as an Independent. Afterall, the Democrats are basically the lesser of two evils in my world.
Now, there's Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. John Edwards seems to already be running for vice prez again. Obama is charismatic and that's that. Hillary is a b*tch with a lot of experience. I don't mind either one but I don't have any faith in this country to vote in a woman or a black man. This country breathes prejudice. Many people going for Hillary seem to be focused more on Bill which scares me. Most people praise his days in the white house. Not for me, Mr. Clinton toted himself as a friend of the gays and then we got hit with don't ask, don't tell & DOMA (defense of marriage act) - the biggest thorn in my side.
Health care and war seem to be the major topics. Two of which, well, I just really don't care about. I think the war is stupid along with everyone that allowed it. And I'm someone that went without health insurance for about 8 years of my adult life but universal health care kind of scares me. It seems to work in some other places but America just doesn't seem to be able to do things right.
Mary's a registered republican. I'm not sure if she just likes the reaction of "I'm gay and a republican". She claims it's because she's a fiscal conservative. I think she's just crazy. Anywho, it's another election with more false hope. Maybe if the gays got some money together we could be a "special interest group".
John McCain is a Republican but he seems pretty normal or at least he did. He didn't seem like one of the Christian Coalition robots but since he's been running, God seems to come up in a lot of his speeches. Oh Lord *literally*, here we go again.
I go back and forth with the Democrats. I was a registered Democrat up until the last election, I was even able to attend a night of the Democratic National Convention in Boston. I didn't think John Kerry could do anything to lose against George Bush but somehow he did. After the shock and horror left me, I decided to register as an Independent. Afterall, the Democrats are basically the lesser of two evils in my world.
Now, there's Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. John Edwards seems to already be running for vice prez again. Obama is charismatic and that's that. Hillary is a b*tch with a lot of experience. I don't mind either one but I don't have any faith in this country to vote in a woman or a black man. This country breathes prejudice. Many people going for Hillary seem to be focused more on Bill which scares me. Most people praise his days in the white house. Not for me, Mr. Clinton toted himself as a friend of the gays and then we got hit with don't ask, don't tell & DOMA (defense of marriage act) - the biggest thorn in my side.
Health care and war seem to be the major topics. Two of which, well, I just really don't care about. I think the war is stupid along with everyone that allowed it. And I'm someone that went without health insurance for about 8 years of my adult life but universal health care kind of scares me. It seems to work in some other places but America just doesn't seem to be able to do things right.
Mary's a registered republican. I'm not sure if she just likes the reaction of "I'm gay and a republican". She claims it's because she's a fiscal conservative. I think she's just crazy. Anywho, it's another election with more false hope. Maybe if the gays got some money together we could be a "special interest group".
Tag!
I've been tagged by Trace
The Rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!
1. I've lived in 3 New England states - Mass., Rhode Island, and Maine
2. I "freak" if I leave the house without water...I do the same if I don't have a glass of water by my bed at night even though I rarely drink any of it
3. I'm convinced that drinking the town's tap water could increase my chances of having an autistic child
4. I get anxiety if someone sprays an air refreshner (my mom and sister seem to enjoy doing this)
5. I have a shy bladder when it comes to peeing in a cup
6. I'm pregnant though I've never actually "done" a dude (I'm a golden gay)
My stuff wasn't as entertaining as Trace's - she a freak ;-) - but there you have it. I'm obviously obsessed with water.
I'm going to break the rules and not tag anybody. I suck at forwards too and apparently I need more blogging buddies ;-)
The Rules:
1) Link to the person that tagged you.
2) Post the rules on your blog.
3) Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4) Tag at least three people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5) Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6) Let the fun begin!
1. I've lived in 3 New England states - Mass., Rhode Island, and Maine
2. I "freak" if I leave the house without water...I do the same if I don't have a glass of water by my bed at night even though I rarely drink any of it
3. I'm convinced that drinking the town's tap water could increase my chances of having an autistic child
4. I get anxiety if someone sprays an air refreshner (my mom and sister seem to enjoy doing this)
5. I have a shy bladder when it comes to peeing in a cup
6. I'm pregnant though I've never actually "done" a dude (I'm a golden gay)
My stuff wasn't as entertaining as Trace's - she a freak ;-) - but there you have it. I'm obviously obsessed with water.
I'm going to break the rules and not tag anybody. I suck at forwards too and apparently I need more blogging buddies ;-)
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Bloggin' Ain't Easy
When one of the kitties is obsessed with the computer. During the daytime, she's usually sleeping. But come about 5:00 she's on the computer like it's nobody's business. God forbid you type anything or move the mouse because that's way too fun for a crazy kitty.
Oh, my Miss Violet.
Oh, my Miss Violet.
Keeping Fit
I'm just back from the gym - for the second day in a row. I'm trying to motivate for several reasons. Mary gives me crap about having a gym membership we don't use. *I tell her it was only an extra $7/month to add me and that she NEVER goes* My energy has been so low which I think is a combo of being prego and the winter so I'm hoping time at the gym peps' me up. And I was reading that labor can go smoother if you stay fit during your pregnancy. The mere thought of labor freaks me out so whatever I can do to help it go smoother, I'll do!
Anywho, I feel "fragile" since I've been pregnant so I'm doing light stuff at the gym - mostly just speed walking on the treadmill and some time on that elliptical machine thing. I've also been trying to keep to a regular yoga routine at home. I need to contact a yoga teacher friend though to ask what I should NOT be doing while pregnant. I'm keeping it pretty basic. Since I've been prego, I feel a HUGE need to do yoga. Maybe I'm growing a calm yogi but I think it's because I feel my body stretching and the yoga seems to help that along.
In happy yesterday news, Mary scored an interview with a university in Boston so we are making a trip down next Sun-Tues. Yay :-) I'm excited for the trip and the potential of moving back. Of course, the one HUGE reason we moved from Boston was housing prices which still exist. And of course now we are really having a baby so the factor of needing more than a small apartment is there and we've acquired quite a bit of furniture since we've been here. Mary's also dead set on little or no commute to where she'll work so that pretty much rules us out of buying anything. Nonetheless it will be a fun trip. It's kind of funny since it falls during Mary's birthday. We'll also be in Beantown for mine since we had already planned a trip down for that next month. :-) I love monthly trips to Boston.
When we first moved to Maine, we would go down once/month since Mary was working on a project at Harvard. It sort of made the transition easier since I knew I could see friends, eat good food, and walk places once/month. Now, we rarely go which has left me in rural limbo. Oh well, off to do laundry as usual.
Anywho, I feel "fragile" since I've been pregnant so I'm doing light stuff at the gym - mostly just speed walking on the treadmill and some time on that elliptical machine thing. I've also been trying to keep to a regular yoga routine at home. I need to contact a yoga teacher friend though to ask what I should NOT be doing while pregnant. I'm keeping it pretty basic. Since I've been prego, I feel a HUGE need to do yoga. Maybe I'm growing a calm yogi but I think it's because I feel my body stretching and the yoga seems to help that along.
In happy yesterday news, Mary scored an interview with a university in Boston so we are making a trip down next Sun-Tues. Yay :-) I'm excited for the trip and the potential of moving back. Of course, the one HUGE reason we moved from Boston was housing prices which still exist. And of course now we are really having a baby so the factor of needing more than a small apartment is there and we've acquired quite a bit of furniture since we've been here. Mary's also dead set on little or no commute to where she'll work so that pretty much rules us out of buying anything. Nonetheless it will be a fun trip. It's kind of funny since it falls during Mary's birthday. We'll also be in Beantown for mine since we had already planned a trip down for that next month. :-) I love monthly trips to Boston.
When we first moved to Maine, we would go down once/month since Mary was working on a project at Harvard. It sort of made the transition easier since I knew I could see friends, eat good food, and walk places once/month. Now, we rarely go which has left me in rural limbo. Oh well, off to do laundry as usual.
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
The Drama of C1
So we have asked for C1 to be moved from our house. His behaviors have gone way beyond our control or whatever you may call it. We have been struggling for basically the entire time he's been in the house. But at this point, we've decided it's best for everyone that he be moved. He gets so angry and violent when he has one of his flip outs that he should be restrained but we just can't do that. We're just not equipped to deal with such behaviors.
We have still stayed on the table for keeping C2 in the home. We feel at this point C1 should be in a therapy level home and that he is a threat to his brother. However, both of the boys will most likely be moved since the caseworker seems to be dead set on it and we were shocked earlier in the week to hear the therapist support it. Especially after a session where C1 had one of his flip outs and the therapist pointed out how disturbing it was to C2. Though the therapist was supporting both of them being moved to a therapy level home and it looks like the caseworker is pushing a regular home according to the guardian ad litem.
We both feel bad for C2 in all of this. Of course, we feel bad for C1 but so much of the focus is on HIM and his needs. We are worried that C2 is just going to be tossed around with his brother. Afterall, C2 has been in our home for almost 11 months and we're willing to adopt him. He's also clearly bonded to us. C1 on the other hand just isn't able to make normal healthy attachments. But C2 probably won't end up staying here and it's pretty much because of C1, since we can't have him in the home anymore. I mean, C2 definitely has his own set of issues like any foster kid and he's a little on the slow side. But most of his behaviors are age appropriate and we are able to deal with them.
Needless to say, we asked for C1 to be moved 2 weeks ago. I am basically shocked to see that nothing has happened. We only have a caseworker avoiding our phone calls. This week, we plan on asking for respite every weekend until they find him a different home. We hope this will get them into gear. Mary thinks they haven't moved him because we asked for time to prepare him but we only need a day or two notice so he's not just ripped out of the house unprepared. This is a kid you need to prepare to eat off of a yellow plate instead of a blue plate. Anywho, I think our caseworker is just a b*tch.
In other C1 news, it looks like he may FINALLY be potty trained. Of course, I'm a little pissed off since it's right before he leaves but whatever, at least it FINALLY happened. C2 who is 10.5 months younger than him has been potty trained for about 6 months. I'm still hesitant to say that C1 is actually potty trained since we have thought we were close many times only to see regression but he's been in underwear for about 4 days and he's actually telling us when he needs to go. It's a miracle! Of course, both boys still wear diapers for naps and overnight. I wish I didn't have to see a diaper until the baby is born.
We have still stayed on the table for keeping C2 in the home. We feel at this point C1 should be in a therapy level home and that he is a threat to his brother. However, both of the boys will most likely be moved since the caseworker seems to be dead set on it and we were shocked earlier in the week to hear the therapist support it. Especially after a session where C1 had one of his flip outs and the therapist pointed out how disturbing it was to C2. Though the therapist was supporting both of them being moved to a therapy level home and it looks like the caseworker is pushing a regular home according to the guardian ad litem.
We both feel bad for C2 in all of this. Of course, we feel bad for C1 but so much of the focus is on HIM and his needs. We are worried that C2 is just going to be tossed around with his brother. Afterall, C2 has been in our home for almost 11 months and we're willing to adopt him. He's also clearly bonded to us. C1 on the other hand just isn't able to make normal healthy attachments. But C2 probably won't end up staying here and it's pretty much because of C1, since we can't have him in the home anymore. I mean, C2 definitely has his own set of issues like any foster kid and he's a little on the slow side. But most of his behaviors are age appropriate and we are able to deal with them.
Needless to say, we asked for C1 to be moved 2 weeks ago. I am basically shocked to see that nothing has happened. We only have a caseworker avoiding our phone calls. This week, we plan on asking for respite every weekend until they find him a different home. We hope this will get them into gear. Mary thinks they haven't moved him because we asked for time to prepare him but we only need a day or two notice so he's not just ripped out of the house unprepared. This is a kid you need to prepare to eat off of a yellow plate instead of a blue plate. Anywho, I think our caseworker is just a b*tch.
In other C1 news, it looks like he may FINALLY be potty trained. Of course, I'm a little pissed off since it's right before he leaves but whatever, at least it FINALLY happened. C2 who is 10.5 months younger than him has been potty trained for about 6 months. I'm still hesitant to say that C1 is actually potty trained since we have thought we were close many times only to see regression but he's been in underwear for about 4 days and he's actually telling us when he needs to go. It's a miracle! Of course, both boys still wear diapers for naps and overnight. I wish I didn't have to see a diaper until the baby is born.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Pregnant Lady
Being pregnant is weird - that's really the only way I can describe it. Sure, it's exciting too. I'm carrying a child! I have wanted to do this for a very long time and it was a long and draining process to get to this point. So at the same time that there is joy of being pregnant, there is RELIEF that I don't have to schedule IUIs or order sperm.
Before I got pregnant, I thought 9 months, that's a seriously long time. Now, I think, 9 months - 6 left. What?!? You can't expect me to push out a baby in 6 months and I'm way too tired to be up all night with an infant. Of course, this will probably all change when I'm 8 months prego, feeling like a beached whale, and just wanting the baby out of my body.
And it's so strange to see my body changing. I mean, obviously, this is an expected part of pregnancy. But it's crazy that the body just knows what to do. I have gained zero pounds - I've lost somewhere between 2 & 5 pounds (depending what scale I use). Yet, I still have a bigger belly and I can literally tell that my rib cage has expanded. My boobs are probably up a cup size which is a great thing if they didn't hurt so damn much. Strange! Strange! Strange! All of this pregnancy stuff is just plain strange.
Before I got pregnant, I thought 9 months, that's a seriously long time. Now, I think, 9 months - 6 left. What?!? You can't expect me to push out a baby in 6 months and I'm way too tired to be up all night with an infant. Of course, this will probably all change when I'm 8 months prego, feeling like a beached whale, and just wanting the baby out of my body.
And it's so strange to see my body changing. I mean, obviously, this is an expected part of pregnancy. But it's crazy that the body just knows what to do. I have gained zero pounds - I've lost somewhere between 2 & 5 pounds (depending what scale I use). Yet, I still have a bigger belly and I can literally tell that my rib cage has expanded. My boobs are probably up a cup size which is a great thing if they didn't hurt so damn much. Strange! Strange! Strange! All of this pregnancy stuff is just plain strange.
Sunday, January 13, 2008
*Hopefully* the Weekend is Over
It seems like such a long weekend. We're expecting snow tomorrow so keep your fingers crossed with me that pre-school/day care is OPEN. Saturday I actually felt pretty good but of course we had no plans - we literally just sat in the house. Yet another thing I despise about the winter, I feel trapped. I thought I had been getting away from the prego sickness stuff but today it hit yet again. After I lost my breakfast, we went to the mall for a bit. I'd rather shop at the mall but instead we run the kids and have them go on those ghetto 50 cent rides. C1 always looks very nervous and then he usually freaks out and we pull him off yet we still continue to bring him and waste quarters.
Some time Saturday afternoon our heating system broke downstairs. The heat would not go off. It was up to 80 degrees and like a sauna. Luckily, we were able to get the heating guy out to fix it today. And even though our house is less than 2 years old, we've had such bad luck we decided to get a maintenance plan so it was covered.
Anywho, my mom is currently en route to Columbus. I feel bad because she has a nasty layover. Though we were able to switch her flight to a closer airport. So at least her long day didn't start with a 2.5 hour drive to the airport.
My hi-lite of the weekend: after much begging Mary let me order Showtime so we will be watching L Word in less than an hour. Yay! :-) I know, lesbians, the show is so wrong but I just love it.
...Mary is currently in the shower singing "Jingle Bells" - what is wrong with her?
Some time Saturday afternoon our heating system broke downstairs. The heat would not go off. It was up to 80 degrees and like a sauna. Luckily, we were able to get the heating guy out to fix it today. And even though our house is less than 2 years old, we've had such bad luck we decided to get a maintenance plan so it was covered.
Anywho, my mom is currently en route to Columbus. I feel bad because she has a nasty layover. Though we were able to switch her flight to a closer airport. So at least her long day didn't start with a 2.5 hour drive to the airport.
My hi-lite of the weekend: after much begging Mary let me order Showtime so we will be watching L Word in less than an hour. Yay! :-) I know, lesbians, the show is so wrong but I just love it.
...Mary is currently in the shower singing "Jingle Bells" - what is wrong with her?
Friday, January 11, 2008
Mama Stays for 2 more days
My mom is still here :-) Though I feel bad because it was such a long day for her. Her flight was supposed to leave out of Portland at 1:45. I waited for her when I dropped her off. I had a feeling it wasn't going to go off since the weather around Portland was pretty nasty. It was delayed 2 hours so we went to lunch. Then, when I brought her back I had a funny feeling she STILL wasn't going. Well, luckily I waited again because nothing was going out and it didn't look like it was going to at all today. So I finally had her change it to Sunday - because I knew the airport would be a mess tomorrow and Portland isn't a short ride for me to do the next day.
Needless to say, it was a LONG day. I was supposed to meet a friend from Mass. in Portland for lunch. She had cancelled this morning because she was not feeling well which ended up working out since my mom's flights were all messed up.
Of course, I just got home and now I'm cooking dinner. Anywho, I leave you with a picture that I can't stop laughing about. My crazy mom also carries dogs up the stairs. Chloe has been a mess this week with the mud. We had to get her to the upstairs bathroom for her 2nd bath of the week and my mom insisted on carrying her. Ya know, since I'm an invalid pregnant woman. LOL.
Needless to say, it was a LONG day. I was supposed to meet a friend from Mass. in Portland for lunch. She had cancelled this morning because she was not feeling well which ended up working out since my mom's flights were all messed up.
Of course, I just got home and now I'm cooking dinner. Anywho, I leave you with a picture that I can't stop laughing about. My crazy mom also carries dogs up the stairs. Chloe has been a mess this week with the mud. We had to get her to the upstairs bathroom for her 2nd bath of the week and my mom insisted on carrying her. Ya know, since I'm an invalid pregnant woman. LOL.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Mama, don't leave me
My mom leaves tomorrow. I'm depressed. Seriously, she's been such a help. I think I appreciate it more this time because usually I'm like "I can do that" and don't want her being bothered but being prego has left me so tired that now, I'm like, oh, you'll do it - thanks!
I did 5 loads of laundry yesterday. This is no uncommon thing around here with 2 dirty boys and 2 ladies in the house, in fact I have about 3 more to do today. Though, somehow 4 out of 5 loads of laundry found themselves folded before I could get to them. I loaded up the dishwasher and started it. Hours later, when I went to empty it, it was empty - my dishes magically put away. I made dinner Tuesday night, my mom made dinner last night (and of course mom dinners always taste better). I got one boy dressed this morning, not two. It's like having 2 me's in the house except one folds better. :-)
I think it's also hit me or how much I miss adult contact. Unfortunately, when I actually see Mary or talk to Mary it's something about the boys or some errand she needs me to do. And in Maine, I basically have zero friends never mind anybody who's around during the day - we have a few couple friends but they are couple friends. My mom is an actual adult to talk to during the day.
I did 5 loads of laundry yesterday. This is no uncommon thing around here with 2 dirty boys and 2 ladies in the house, in fact I have about 3 more to do today. Though, somehow 4 out of 5 loads of laundry found themselves folded before I could get to them. I loaded up the dishwasher and started it. Hours later, when I went to empty it, it was empty - my dishes magically put away. I made dinner Tuesday night, my mom made dinner last night (and of course mom dinners always taste better). I got one boy dressed this morning, not two. It's like having 2 me's in the house except one folds better. :-)
I think it's also hit me or how much I miss adult contact. Unfortunately, when I actually see Mary or talk to Mary it's something about the boys or some errand she needs me to do. And in Maine, I basically have zero friends never mind anybody who's around during the day - we have a few couple friends but they are couple friends. My mom is an actual adult to talk to during the day.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
I'm Baaaaaack
I'm back - after a VERY long car ride - and my mom is visiting. I ended up road tripping out there and my mom was scared of me driving back alone. After all according to my mom, "I'm a baby having a baby". Oh, moms. But it's nice to have her here, she's always a help with the boys and fun to hang out with. She'll fly back on Friday.
Ohio was nice - or as nice as Ohio gets. No, just kidding, but it's definitely not a place I would want to live. In fact, I probably would've never set foot in the state if my family didn't decide to relocate there. Of course, my mom and rest of the family think that Mary should get a position at Ohio State. As much as I try to explain to my family the process of getting a job as a professor they just don't understand. My mom and sister think you can just fill out an application and get a job. It's definitely a much more detailed process and Mary does something very specific so somebody has to be looking for that. They also couldn't grasp that her going to Ohio State wouldn't be an advancement in her career.
In baby news, I had a midwife appointment today. I love my midwife, she even hugs me. Do you think an OB would hug me? LOL. My mom ended up tagging along too, her and Mary were hoping for an ultrasound but we just listened to the heartbeat. Still, that's exciting. Babies heartbeats are seriously fast. Apparently, it's because they are small so the blood is rushing through quicker and they haven't developed the nervous system that slows it...or something like that ;-)
For nausea, she recommended that I take B6 three times/day and then 1/2 a Unisom at night. I'm a little hesitant on the Unisom but hey, maybe it will also help me sleep. Oh well, off to enjoy my last 1/2 hour of a quiet house. My first full day at home and I already feel exhausted - getting kids dressed early in the morning, picking up Chloe from the kennel, bathing her, going to my appointment, grocery shopping. I definitely enjoyed my Ohio trip of only eating (food that I didn't cook), shopping, and sleeping but c'est la vie - maybe in another life I'll be a lady of leisure.
Ohio was nice - or as nice as Ohio gets. No, just kidding, but it's definitely not a place I would want to live. In fact, I probably would've never set foot in the state if my family didn't decide to relocate there. Of course, my mom and rest of the family think that Mary should get a position at Ohio State. As much as I try to explain to my family the process of getting a job as a professor they just don't understand. My mom and sister think you can just fill out an application and get a job. It's definitely a much more detailed process and Mary does something very specific so somebody has to be looking for that. They also couldn't grasp that her going to Ohio State wouldn't be an advancement in her career.
In baby news, I had a midwife appointment today. I love my midwife, she even hugs me. Do you think an OB would hug me? LOL. My mom ended up tagging along too, her and Mary were hoping for an ultrasound but we just listened to the heartbeat. Still, that's exciting. Babies heartbeats are seriously fast. Apparently, it's because they are small so the blood is rushing through quicker and they haven't developed the nervous system that slows it...or something like that ;-)
For nausea, she recommended that I take B6 three times/day and then 1/2 a Unisom at night. I'm a little hesitant on the Unisom but hey, maybe it will also help me sleep. Oh well, off to enjoy my last 1/2 hour of a quiet house. My first full day at home and I already feel exhausted - getting kids dressed early in the morning, picking up Chloe from the kennel, bathing her, going to my appointment, grocery shopping. I definitely enjoyed my Ohio trip of only eating (food that I didn't cook), shopping, and sleeping but c'est la vie - maybe in another life I'll be a lady of leisure.
Thursday, January 3, 2008
I Travel with Snow
My mom is always telling me how it's in the 50s in Ohio. Well, I get here and apparently I brought the cold and snow from Maine. Still, it's been a relaxing trip. All we've done is eat and shop which is fine by me. I made my first purchases at Motherhood Maternity. Not that I'm showing but my clothes are becoming a bit snug and I got a gift cert for Christmas so it was fun to have a little shopping spree.
I ended up driving out here so I'm completely dreading the trip back. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Mary's off on a biz trip tomorrow until Monday so I'm hoping to also return on that day.
The boys day cares were cancelled yesterday (after being off for 12 days). Luckily, Mary was able to get them into respite a day early. We have officially asked for C1 to be moved from our house. What was weird was when we told the caseworker, she said, "oh yeah, I've actually been looking for a therapy level home since I met with you guys last week." Ummmm, thanks for letting us know.
Needless to say, this was a painful and difficult decision but we feel it is best for both him and ourselves. We are hoping to keep C2 in the house since C1 will be going to a therapy level home. But we'll see, DHS likes to do strange things. We are also afraid of how speedy they will remove C1. On one hand, we want some notice to prepare him and on the other hand we don't want them to sit on their a** since he has had extreme behaviors lately that we just can't handle.
I definitely feel bad that it had to come to this. Even Mary has realized that we should have had him moved sooner since we knew we really couldn't handle his behaviors. Of course, it's absolutely ridiculous to think he'll be in his 5th home probably by the time he is 4 years old. But I have to keep reminding myself that we only tried to help him and that his issues were caused by his bio family and "the system". Afterall, both children should have had permanent homes years ago.
I ended up driving out here so I'm completely dreading the trip back. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Mary's off on a biz trip tomorrow until Monday so I'm hoping to also return on that day.
The boys day cares were cancelled yesterday (after being off for 12 days). Luckily, Mary was able to get them into respite a day early. We have officially asked for C1 to be moved from our house. What was weird was when we told the caseworker, she said, "oh yeah, I've actually been looking for a therapy level home since I met with you guys last week." Ummmm, thanks for letting us know.
Needless to say, this was a painful and difficult decision but we feel it is best for both him and ourselves. We are hoping to keep C2 in the house since C1 will be going to a therapy level home. But we'll see, DHS likes to do strange things. We are also afraid of how speedy they will remove C1. On one hand, we want some notice to prepare him and on the other hand we don't want them to sit on their a** since he has had extreme behaviors lately that we just can't handle.
I definitely feel bad that it had to come to this. Even Mary has realized that we should have had him moved sooner since we knew we really couldn't handle his behaviors. Of course, it's absolutely ridiculous to think he'll be in his 5th home probably by the time he is 4 years old. But I have to keep reminding myself that we only tried to help him and that his issues were caused by his bio family and "the system". Afterall, both children should have had permanent homes years ago.
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Happy New Year from Ohio
Happy New Year!
Well, I ended up making a last minute trip to Columbus, Ohio to visit my fam. Mary suggested I take a break from the stress of our house. Not only were the kids off for over a week but C1 decided it would be a good time to have a psychotic break down. I'll spare you the details of that. I feel bad for the kid and so does Mary but I'm also in my 1st trimester of pregnancy so that is our main concern.
So when she suggested the trip, I jumped at the oppportunity. I think the anxiety set in for her as soon as everything was in motion. But hopefully the kids will be back at daycare tomorrow (if snow doesn't cancel their 1st day back) since she's had them for 3 full days. I'm not sure how she is doing it.
But things are good here. New year's eve was pretty lame. Mary and I also hadn't thought about the fact we wouldn't spend new years together. Though we couldn't have done much with the kids anyways but I think it was the first year in many that I didn't have some sort of plans. I'm officially getting old. LOL.
Well, I ended up making a last minute trip to Columbus, Ohio to visit my fam. Mary suggested I take a break from the stress of our house. Not only were the kids off for over a week but C1 decided it would be a good time to have a psychotic break down. I'll spare you the details of that. I feel bad for the kid and so does Mary but I'm also in my 1st trimester of pregnancy so that is our main concern.
So when she suggested the trip, I jumped at the oppportunity. I think the anxiety set in for her as soon as everything was in motion. But hopefully the kids will be back at daycare tomorrow (if snow doesn't cancel their 1st day back) since she's had them for 3 full days. I'm not sure how she is doing it.
But things are good here. New year's eve was pretty lame. Mary and I also hadn't thought about the fact we wouldn't spend new years together. Though we couldn't have done much with the kids anyways but I think it was the first year in many that I didn't have some sort of plans. I'm officially getting old. LOL.
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